One Last Chance
by xx.royaldisaster.xx
Summary: Snape survived Nagini's bite. Upon waking up, he wills himself to become a better man and succeeds with the help of a certain werewolf. Snupin!
1. Chapter 1

Severus Snape was dying. Nagini's venom was quickly spreading through him. Blood was gushing from his neck and chest. He could feel his heart beat starting to slow, his vision becoming blurred. He was dying and he couldn't get to Potter to carry out his mission. His promise to the man he had considered his father was shot to hell. He had failed. Everything he had fought for, lied for, and risked his life for was all for nothing. He had failed Harry Potter. He had failed Dumbledore. He had failed Lily. He had sworn to protect her son from harms way. To keep him alive. To keep him safe. The end was coming and it was all for nothing. Severus had only returned to the Dark Lord on Dumbledore's orders. He had agreed to be the spy for the Order of the Pheonix. He had lied to and deceived the most powerful man that walked this earth. Only to die in the end.

"Professor Snape!" A voice loomed over him. He couldn't tell who it belonged to, but it was very familiar. He focused and saw Pott-Harry standing over him. He was minutes away from death, so why not call him by his first name? "He's bleeding everywhere!" Harry exclaimed and Severus wondered who he was talking to. "Get me something. Anything! We need to close these wounds. Now!" He couldn't believe his own ears. The boy was trying to help him. After everything he had put him through. After years of him tormenting him and he was still trying to save his life when he had every right to leave him here to die.

Severus reached out into the darkness, managing to seize Harry's arm. Harry turned abrubtly to face him. "Professor!" He said, staring down at him, shocked that he was awake. Or at the physical contact. One of the two. "We're going to help you. Just hold on." He promised him. Severus didn't say a word, just moved down until he was holding Harry's hand, clinging to it for dear life. Harry grasped him back and turned to face the people he had entered with.

He was able to focus just enough to tell that it was Ron and Hermione that were with him. Of course. He should have known they wouldn't separate during a time like this. "Don't just fucking stand there! " He heard Harry scream. "Heal him Hermione! Use the counter curse for puncture marks." That wouldn't do anything except seal the poison in even more. He would have told them this if he had enough strength left in him to speak, but he didn't so he just lay against the wall, hoping that one of them would have enough sense to realize it. "Harry" Hermione began, her voice shaking "If I seal it, the poison will continue to spread throughout his body and it will just kill him faster. I don't know any spells to get poison out. I don't think there's anything else we can do for him. There's no time to take him back to the castle."

He felt Harry's hand slip from his own and him stand up. There was a scream of curse words, a loud thump against the wall, and then silence. He assumed that Harry had hit the wall.

Suddenly, Snape remembered his mission. "Harry." He managed to croak out. At first he wasn't sure if anybody could hear it, but then he felt the boy by his side. He concentrated first on the memories he would need to know to destory the Dark Lord just in case he died before he could finish. Then, at least the most important part of his job would be finished. He then added memories of his time's with Lily. It wouldn't help him with his mission, but it would help him understand that he had always loved his mother. That he had always been on his side. Had always fought for him. Risked his life for him. Even now, he was dying for him.

He grasped for his wand to withdraw the memories himself, but couldn't find it anywhere. "Take my memories now." He managed to croak out. He felt Harry's wand by his head and the memories flowing out of him. The boy shouted for someone to get him a vial and he assumed one was produced when Harry lowered his wand and grasped his hand again. He opened his eyes as wide as he could and looked into Harry's eyes. When he looked at him just then he saw nothing that resembled James Potter. His eyes, those were Lily's eyes. His braveness, his caring nature, that was all from Lily. He wasn't James son, he was Lily's. Tears began slowly sliding down his cheeks as he thought about it. He seized Harry's robes, pulling him close so only he could hear him. "You have your mothers eyes." He told him, looking intensley into those big green eyes. Then he felt his grip losening on Harry and his mind leaving him. Blackness finally overtook him as he left this world.


	2. Chapter 2

Severus slowly opened his eyes, not having the slightest clue as to where he was or what he was doing there. As hard as he tried to focus on his surroundings, all he could see were white blurs all around him. What kind of place was he in that the sun was shining through? He should be in the dark, confined, dungeons right now. He never slept anywhere except for there and his house on Spinner's End, which was equally darkened. Due to all the light surrounding him, he was certain he was at neither place. He then wondered if he had been captured and not realized it yet. He moved his hands and feet slowly. He wasn't tied down, so it was safe to assume he wasn't in any harm. If that wasn't the case, then where the hell was he?

That's when it hit him. When he remembered. The war. The Dark Lord. Nagini. He was dead. He wasn't coming back. He had failed his mission. He wondered if Dumbledore would come for him now. Scold him. Maybe even hate him for not doing what he was entrusted to do sixteen years ago. He damn well hated himself for it. Maybe Potter would show up here as well. Severus knew that the chances were slim to none that he could have survived the Dark Lord without the knowledge he was supposed to have provided him. He sighed before trying to see more of his new surroundings. He was dead and there was nothing he could do to help save the wizarding world now. He was useless. Not needed. It felt kind of nice. He had been with the Dark Lord for twenty years before his death. It was great to finally be free of the burden he'd been carying on his shoulders for so long.

It was becoming painfully bright in the room, but his vision was starting to clear and he could just make out a few objects in the room. "So this is what heaven's like" He muttered to himself, looking around at the beds laying next to him. The room looked strangely like the hospital wing at Hogwarts. "Not quite Severus" A voice interrupted his thoughts. He had to be hearing things because that voice sounded like it belonged to none other than Remus Lupin. It couldn't be, though. Remus was still alive. At least he hoped he was. He knew not to get his hopes up. This was war. Hundreds died in wars. Thousands even.

He felt a great movement all around him and his eyes came into focus for mere seconds. Arthur Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Remus Lupin, and Harry Potter were all standing over him talking and smiling. He closed his eyes, not able to bear the sight of them. They were dead. All of them. It was all his fault. If only he'd been able to get the memories to Potter. Lives could have been spared. Memories could have been made. Families established. The Weasley's wouldn't have been without a father. The Dark Lord could have been destroyed. Life could have gone on for everyone, but no. Here they stood in front of him. Dead.

It was too much to bear and Severus found that he didn't have a problem displaying his emotions now that he was dead as he felt tears streaming down his face. They all made sounds of alarm at him. "Severus!" He heard Arthur trying to talk to him. Trying to calm him down. He paid no attention to him. "I'm sorry." He managed to burst out in between his sobs. "I should have protected you. All of you. I'm so so sorry" He couldn't talk any longer and the sobs began to wretch through him like waves. He felt a gentle hand carassing his forehead, trying to calm him. It didn't help. Only made his sobs increase at the thought of someone trying to comfort him when it was his fault they were dead. He lost himself in his grief, blocking out all those around him. He suddenly felt someone grab him and then there was a liquid being poured down his throat and blackness overtook him once more.


	3. Chapter 3

Severus opened his eyes once more and was relieved when he saw no one. Even in the dead, he was embarassed about his little breakdown from earlier. He tried to sit up, but found that he had trouble doing so. He began to look around the room and he wondered if maybe he was in the hospital wing, but how? Nagini had bit him. He had died. Hadn't he? "Oh good your awake again." He heard a voice to his left and saw Madam Pomfrey standing in the doorway to her office, watching him. He wanted to ask if he was dead, but he didn't want to sound stupid just in case he really wasn't. "What happened?" He finally allowed himself to ask. She looked troubled at these words. She turned away from him and began shuffling through the cabinets which held the potions. She came out with a small vial and came over to him. He opened his mouth and took the potion without complaint. He really wished he knew if he was dead or not. "Poppy." He said after he had swallowed the potion. "Tell me." "I had better get someone else to explain to you." She told him, scurrying off into the corridor.

It was ten minutes before she finally came back into the room, Potter in tow. He again felt sorry for what had happened. If it had happened. He had no idea what was going on. He always knew everything. Every single thing that was going on in the wizarding world. "Nice to see your more calm this time around professor." He told him as he sat down in a chair next to the hospital bed, pulling it close to the bed. He decided not to be too nice to the boy, just in case he somehow wasn't actually dead. "Just tell me what's going on Potter." He barked at him. "What's the last thing you remember?" Harry asked him calmly. "The Dark Lord set Nagini on me. She bit me in the neck and chest. That's it." It really was all he could remember. Harry looked troubled and Severus realized that he had been hoping he remembered so he wouldn't have to repeat the story. "Okay well I saw the entire thing happen." He saw? He saw and he did nothing! He was just like his father. Didn't give a damn about anyone but himself and his precious little friends!

He opened his mouth, but he was cut off before he could say anything more. "Before you ask why I didn't try to intervine I will tell you myself. Voldemort was still in the room as the snake attacked you. I was under my invisibility cloak as were Ron and Hermione. If we would have made any movement at all, he would have seen us and killed us all on the spot. I couldn't let that happen. After Voldemort left, I ran over to you immediately." Potter stopped and looked troubled. "Well!" Severus demanded, getting impatient. "Um. I'd rather not repeat what happened after that so would you like to see the memory?" Harry asked him nervously. What an idiot child. He didn't even have the strength to sit up, yet alone go into the pensive and he made sure to tell him so. "I didn't mean that way. I meant that you could use legilimency on me if you wished to do so." The boy actually trusted him to do legitimacy on him? That was new.

Severus cast a non verbal, wandless legilimens on him and dove into his mind. He was surprised to see that Potters shields were stronger than they used to be and wondered when he had been practicing. He was having trouble getting past them. The boy must have sensed this because he cleared the shields away and granted him access to his mind, pushing the memories forward that he wanted him to see. He expected it to start with Nagini's attack, but he soon realized that it was quite some time before that. He realized it was the summer before the boys fifth year as he watched the dementor attack against Potter and his lump of a cousin, the trial that was set because of it, and the visions of the corridor in the department of ministries that haunted his dreams.

At first, he didn't see what the next one had to do with anything. Potter was in that toad Umbridge's office for what he assumed was a detention. Umbridge had just told him that he would be writing lines. "How horrible of a punishment." He thought sarcastically. He became suddenly intrigued when Umbridge made him use a different quill and didn't give him any ink. He had to try not to gasp out loud as he saw "I must not tell lies" being carved into his hand. How dare that bitch use a Blood Quill! He made a mental note to do something, anything, about her after he was well again. If he turned out to be alive.

The memories continued and he saw Arthur Weasley being attacked by Nagini, saw the vision of Sirius being tortured by the Dark Lord, saw Umbridge admitting to sending the dementors after him, saw them enter the Department Of Ministries and find the prophecy, saw the prophecy smash.

He could feel a sudden tug as if the boy was trying to throw him out. Severus was too weak to pass the memory on and Potter obviously didn't know how to do it himself. With a pit of dread in his stomach he realized what this memory was. He watched Sirius slip through the barrier, Lupin trying to hold Harry back, heard him screaming over and over "She killed Sirius! I'll kill her!" and finally, with some surprise, watched Potter use the Crutiatus Curse on Bellatrix. He finally felt the boy stop trying to throw him out as the Dark Lord appeared and possessed him. Snape felt his stomach lurch at the thought. Even he had never had to experience that.

Much to his annoyance, he felt another tug as Potter tried to prevent him from seeing another memory. This was set in Dumbledore's office. He was almost sure it was merely hours after what happened at the Department Of Ministries. He appeared to be arguing with Dumbledore. He made no move to get any closer since he could feel Potter trying to block the memory from him. Severus soon discovered that he didn't need to move closer to hear the argument. "THEN I DON'T WANT TO BE HUMAN!" He suddenly screamed and began throwing objects around the room.

He listened to the argument with a new revalation. Potter didn't like being in the spotlight as he had once thought. He had always just wanted to be a normal teenager without the fate of the wizarding world on his shoulders. The shouting stopped and he watched as Dumbledore told Harry of the connection between him and The Dark Lord, of the blood protections Lily had left, and finally, as he learned exactly what the prophecy said and that it was him who had to take down the most powerful wizard the world has ever seen.

The scene changed completely as Potter and Dumbledore persuaded Slughorn to come back to Hogwarts. He hadn't even known that Slughorn had needed persuading and he hoped that Potter's memories would tell him why.

He watched the rest of the memories from the lessons with Dumbledore with intensity. He found out many things he didn't know about the Dark Lord. Things he didn't really want to find out. They were horrible. He may have been shallow, expressionless, and mean, but even he had a heart underneath it all. The Dark Lord had obviously not even had one from a very young age. It sickened him.

He saw Potter take the Felix Felicis, get Slughorn incredibaly drunk, and get the memory from him. As he watched the memory about the Horcrux's, he had a horrible realization. The Dark Lord had indeed split his soul into seven pieces. He thought harder, ignoring the conversation that was unfolding in the memory. He thought back to Dumbledore's previous conversations with him. The snake! It was one. Upon paying attention to the memory, he learned that the diary and the ring were also horcrux's as well. He then realized with horror that Potter was indeed a Horcrux as he remembered the conversation he'd had with Dumbledore a year ago.

The memory switched. They were in the cave. Dumbledore had actually had the nerve to take the boy with him to retrieve the Horcrux! He felt a deep pang inside his chest as he watched the after effects of the potion on Dumbledore. He shut his eyes at the next memory as he tried not to picture himself killing his mentor. Next was Dumbledore's funeral. He hadn't been able to attend considering the circumstances. He learned that Potter now felt obligated to destroy the Horcrux's and wasn't returning to Hogwarts for his seventh year.

He watched as the Death Eaters attacked at Bill and Fleur's wedding and in the coffee shop. He again felt that familiar tug as Potter tried to push him out of the memory. They were at Godric's Hollow. Where it happened. Where he'd laid on the Potter's floor and held his lost love, sobbing his heart out. Where they'd been laid to rest. He closed his eyes again as he saw Potter over his parents graves crying silently on Granger's shoulder. It pained him to see it.

The memories continued. They narrowly escaped the Dark Lord in Godric's Hollow, destroyed the Horcrux, and were once again captured and taken to Malfoy Manor. He had heard of their narrow escape, but he hadn't known all the details until now. He wanted to find Bellatrix and snap her body in half as he saw what she had carved into Granger's arm. He watched them narrowly escape Gringotts, meet Aberforth, and enter Hogwarts through the Room Of Requirement.

He felt anger surge through his body as one of the Carrows spit in McGonagall's face and a smile actually tugged on the corners of his mouth as Potter stepped out from under his invisibility cloak and used the Crutiatus Curse on him, sending him flying around the room and writhing in pain. He shuddered when the Dark Lord's voice thundered throughout the Great Hall. He watched as Granger and Weasley told Potter that they had destroyed the Horcrux. "What now!" He almost yelled as he felt the tugging. They were in the middle of a war. Surely there was nothing that private that had to be blocked out. He understood that Potter was trying to keep his friends privacy as he watched the two kiss. "About time." He caught himself thinking. And then...it was himself and the Dark Lord. He was about to watch his attack and possibly even his death.

Severus was about to watch his own death. He knew he shouldn't. Knew he should close his eyes and block it out, but he just couldn't. He watched as the snake attacked him. Watched as the Dark Lord said in his cold, uncaring voice "I regret it." Watched in horror as he let his defenses fall. As he clung to Potter's hand. As he gave up his memories. As he cried. Yes, actually cried. He was shocked at how upset his impending death was to Potter. He had never given him any reason to like him. He had gone out of his way to single him out throughout the years. Yet, here the boy stood, screaming for someone to help him. He almost winced as he saw Potter send out a round of curse words before punching a hole through the wall. He told the boy that he had Lily's eyes as he passed out. It was true, he did have her eyes.

"Professor?" He watched as the boy frantically screamed and shook him, trying to get some sort of life from him. He got no response and finally ceased in shaking him to death. He stood up and paced around for a few seconds, as if trying to remember something. "Somebody get me a knife." He frantically yelled as Weasley and Granger gave each other a look. "Don't fucking stand there giving each other looks like I've gone bat shit! Just give me a fucking knife!" He roared at them. Severus wondered what the hell he was going to do to him with it. He doubted the boy was going to harm him, though. At least he didn't think so. He wouldn't be able to see this if he were dead. Would he?

He gasped as Potter ran over to him and began cutting around the bite marks. Was he going to kill him? He watched as Potter dropped the knife to the floor with a clatter and began sucking at the wounds. Severus immediately understood. He was using the muggle way of getting the poison out by cutting open the wound and sucking it out. He watched as Harry sucked and spat time after time. How much poison did that snake have in her? He finally stopped and turned to Hermione. "Run a spell to check his pulse." Hermione looked as if she wanted to say something, but seemed to think better of it. She cast the spell and there was a very faint heartbeat in his body.

As the memory switched, Severus let out the breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding. Pot-Harry had saved his life. The son of his sworn enemy had sucked the poison out of his veins. He felt his heart beat faster and faster as Harry walked toward The Dark Lord himself. He watched as the boy was hit with the killing curse. His heart sank in his chest. Not even Potter could survive the killing curse the second time around. He had to be dead then. He had to be in heaven with Potter. Everything that they had both done had been for nothing. He expected the memories to end there, but they continued.

The boy was laying on the ground and The Dark Lord had just ordered Narcissa Malfoy to check if he was alive or not. He watched as they tossed his body around like a rag doll and then forced Hagrid to carry his body back to the castle. He watched as the Dark Lord tried to make one of the bravest people Severus had ever met seem like a selfish fool. Severus saw none other than Longbottom choose that instant to charge at the Dark Lord. What an idiot. He proved useful in the end, killing the very animal that had attacked him. Severus looked at the ground and realized that Harry was no longer there. How was it possible that he was still alive? That the killing curse hadn't had any effect on him once again?

He watched as fights began breaking out everywhere and the Death Eaters were were being taken down. He turned quickly as he heard someone scream "NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH!" and was very surprised to see Molly Weasley of all people sprinting through the crowd to get to Bellatrix. Finally, the greasy haired bitch was dead. All that was left now was the Dark Lord. He saw Harry step out from underneath his invisibility cloak and call out to the Dark Lord.

He watched as Harry and The Dark Lord began circling each other, just waiting to see who would cast the first spell. He watched as Harry Potter finally defeated The Dark Lord.

Coming out of Harry's memories, he had never felt such a great relief in his entire


	4. Chapter 4

He was kept in the hospital wing for the next three weeks or so. The Healers wanted to monitor him and check for brain damange. After coming out of Potter's memories, he had lay there for a moment with his eyes closed, trying to regain all of his composure before opening them again. When he had finally regained enough control to be able to give everybody that cold, emotionless stare he was famous for, the boy was gone. Severus hadn't seen him since then. Minerva came to visit as often as possible as did Arthur and Molly . Lupin had been up to see him twice and he had even allowed Hagrid to accompany him on rare occasions.

He had found out that he had been in a coma like state for three months prior to his awakening. He was shocked at the state he was in when he was finally well enough to get up and look in the mirror. He was much too thin and his hair was very unkept, a devastation for him although he would never admit it. He had dark circles under his eyes and he appeared to be paler than he had been before, if that were even possible. He was a wreck.

No one had ever said a word to him about his actions before the final battle. He had came back to their side, betrayed them, and went to the Dark Lord's side. He had allowed Death Eater's to run their school. He had murdered Albus Dumbledore. Yet, no one ever questioned him on it. He assumed that Potter had told them to clear his name. He hoped that was as far as it had gone, that he hadn't shown them his memories. He didn't know, but he was grateful to not be in Azkaban so he didn't question it too much.

Severus had thought the end of the war would make him happy, but it didn't. He hated that so many people had died during the final battle. No one had told him who exactly had perished, but he had been informed that the numbers weren't low by any means. He couldn't face his fears that the Dark Lord would one day return. He couldn't stand the fact that he was now completely alone.

Death Eaters were no family to him, but it had been almost comfortable being in the presence of the Malfoy's. Narcissa and Lucius were both locked up in Azkaban now. Dumbledore was gone. The one man whom he considered family had to go and die on him because the meddling old fool thought he could destroy the Horcrux on his own. He maintained polite conversation when his visitors came by, but they still didn't fill the emptiness in his heart. He needed someone who cared about him as Dumbledore had. Someone who wouldn't take his bullshit. Someone who would encourage him to be better.

He wanted to change. He wanted to become a different man. A better man. But he didn't know how. He didn't think he possessed the ability to show emotion. To let his guard down and let somebody into his heart. He'd let two people pocess a spot deep in his heart in his entire thirty six years of life. One was long gone because of a prophecy that he had delievered. One he had murdered himself. That was more than enough of a reason why he should never let anyone near him again. He was too damaged. Too broken. Nobody could ever love him. Care for him. Want to be with him.

His two week stay in the hospital wing ended and he took the floo down to the dungeons. He walked into his quarters and was happy to see that the place was exactly as he had left it. He threw his bag down on the dark brown couch and headed over to his lab where he immediately set to brewing potions to be sent to the hospital wing.

He usually gave half of his summer to making them and he now only had one month until the start of term. Minerva had tried to get him to take up his previous post as Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, but he had refused. He wanted nothing to do with the Dark Arts. He instead asked to resume his old position as Potions Master and she reluctantly agreed.

His brewing was interrupted by a gentle rapping on his door and he silently cursed whoever it was before making his way over to the door. He was surprised to find Remus Lupin staring back at him. "I have some news." Lupin said, pushing his way past him like he lived there. Severus sneered as he closed the door and sat next to Lupin on the couch. "What?" He asked him curiously. "I've been offered the Defense Against The Dark Arts position for next year!" Lupin said enthusiastically.

He wasn't too surprised at the news. Lupin was the only teacher besides himself who hadn't died, gone insane, been a Death Eater, or been carried off by Centaurs in the Forbidden Forest. Also, he was a very good teacher although he would never admit it to him. "Are you going to accept?" He asked him, knowing that he would say yes without hesitation. "Well that's why I came down here." Lupin began "I wanted to check. Um. I wanted to make sure you.." He trailed off, not finishing the question. Remus wanted to make sure it was okay with him before he resumed the position? How odd. "If your trying to get my permission then your not going to. With that being said, I have already agreed to take up my old Potions position. I want nothing to do with the Dark Arts." He stated quite clearly.

It wasn't a lie or some bitter remark. He'd seen enough of the Dark Arts first hand. He'd done the Unforgivable curses more times than he could count. Although he was glad he could say that he'd only used the most unforgivable curse once in his lifetime. He intended to keep it that way. "Fair enough Severus." Lupin replied. "So how are you?" Severus began pondering that question himself. How was he?

If he was honest with himself he was hurt by all the death, confused as to where he stood with everyone at this point, scared out of his mind that the Dark Lord would return, he was haunted by all the things he had done in the past, and completely alone in this world. He could hardly admit those feelings to himself, let alone to Lupin so he said the next best answer. "Breathing, I suppose." Lupin smirked at his sarcasm. Severus had a memory come back to him. Nymphadora. Laying in the entrance hall as he was being summoned to the Dark Lord. Was she? He looked down at his robes, knowing he had to ask. "Nymphadora. Is she?" He left the question hanging in the air, not wanting to say the last part. He slowly looked up at Lupin's face.

One glance and all he needed to know was confirmed. He wondered who else he knew who didn't survive the war. He wasn't surprised to see that Lupin's eyes were looking rather glassy. "I'm sorry Remus." He told the other man. He truly meant it. He knew what it was like to lose the love of your life. He also couldn't stand the look in the mans eyes. He looked completely broken. "I know." He paused as a sudden wave of emotions swept over him. He swallowed a lump in his throat and continued. "I know that you cared for her." Lupin nodded his head and for the first time he realized that the other man looked completely exhausted. "She was my best friend. It's like losing Sirius all over again."

He didn't mean it in that way, did he? He knew for sure that Black was at least a little bit homosexual, but he had never suspected Lupin. "You and Black." He began, not knowing how to word it. "You two weren't...you know." Lupin's head shot up. "N-no." He stammered and Severus was amused to see that his cheeks had grown a bit pink. "Never anything like that."

He watched in amusement as Lupin pretended to check his watch. "Oh look at the time! I better be getting back to work. See you soon Severus." With that he fled to the door, practically slamming it behind him in his rush to get out. "It appears that I'm not the only one with secrets after all." He muttered to himself as he went back to his brewing.

Severus knew it was going to be a bad day when he woke up a few days after his visit with Lupin with a pounding headache. His answers were confirmed a few hours later when Minerva fire called him from her office. "Hello Severus. Could you please step through. There are some people here who want to speak with you." Who the hell was it now? Couldn't he ever just have some peace and quiet? He reluctantly stepped through into the headmistress's office.

In chairs in front of Minerva's desk sat Fudge and an Auror named Robert Greyson. He felt a sense of dread overcome him as he realized the way the Minister of Magic was looking at him. "You wanted to speak with me. I believe." He stated in his usual clipped, cold manner. For a moment no one said a word, but Fudge finally broke the silence. "Well yes we certainly did. As you know, the war is over. But that doesn't mean that You Know Who's followers aren't still out there. We've received information from several captured Death Eaters that you are one of them."

Severus seethed inside. Those complete bastards. He would get them back for this one day, but at the moment it was probably best that he tried not to get sent to Azkaban. Or worse. "Well I can assure you that information is false. " He snarled at the two, turning away to sit down. He knew what was coming next even before it was said. "Show us your left arm then." Greyson said. Severus rounded on the Minister this time. "You damn well know that I used to be a Death Eater, but came over to the light side so don't think you have me cornered."

" Nobody knows where your loyalties have lay all these years Snape. All we've ever had to go on was Dumbledore's word." He paused for a moment and Severus stared at him with as much loathing in his eyes that he could muster. "Look, enough small talk. We know that You Know Who imprinted a new symbol on all the Death Eaters who returned to him three years ago. We also are taking into account Potter's claims from last year about how you murdered Dumbledore. So go ahead, roll up your sleeve." Greyson smirked at him, knowing he had him cornered. Before Severus could reply, the office doors burst open and there stood no other than Harry Potter.

He never thought that he'd actually be glad to see him, but he could provide as a distraction while he snuck off and apparated out of the grounds. That was the master plan he had managed to come up with in the few seconds he'd had to think up a plan of action. "What exactly are you storming in here for Mr. Potter?" Minerva asked sternly "School doesn't start for another month last time I checked." Fudge eyed Potter suspiciously as well. "What has led you to pay a visit to us today Mr. Potter?" He watched as he tilted his head to the right to indicate...himself? Was Potter here to defend him? "I am here about Professor Snape. I was at the Ministry earlier today to return something to Arthur and I overheard that you were coming here to arrest him for Death Eater activity. Is this true?" Potter asked him. "Why yes Mr. Potter. That is completely true." Fudge smirked at him as if daring him to suggest otherwise.

Severus wasn't shocked when Potter did exactly so. He may not know the boy that well, but he did know that he didn't give up without a fight and a damn good one at that. Not that he would ever admit that to the boy. "If it isn't true then why don't you ask Severus to roll up his left sleeve." He knew that Potter wouldn't do that, considering he already knew what was there. "Oh there will be no need for that." The boy stated, almost smiling to himself. "And why not Mr. Potter?" The Auror challenged him.

Severus aquired the strong urge to punch the lights out of Greyson, but he didn't think that would exactly help his case so he restrained himself and shot him the glare of death instead. "Because there is no denying that the Dark Mark is indeed imprinted on Professor Snape's left arm. I saw it in person once." When the hell had Potter seen it in person? When the hell had Potter seen it at all? He had his mark covered at all times. He'd get the answer out of the boy after this was over. "It's common knowledge that he used to be a Death Eater." He heard him finish.

Fudge leaned forward in his seat so far that he thought he was going to fall out. Unfortunately, he didn't. "No Potter." The Minister snarled. "It's common knowledge that he is indeed a Death Eater." Harry shook his head once again. Severus was amazed at how calm Potter could be considering the circumstances. He certainly didn't have the patience to deal with these idiots sitting next to him. "I'm afraid your wrong minister." He informed him and began searching in the pockets of his robes for something. "Prove it." He challenged him.

Potter seemed to have found what he was looking for. It was a glass vial with swirling silver liquid in it. He knew what that was. Those were his memories. The memories he had given Potter on his death bed. The boy suddenly turned to him. "It is okay that they see these? I promise that I'll only show them what is absolutely necessary." Severus nodded. He didn't like the idea one bit, but he knew it was the only way to stay out of Azkaban.

The five of them stepped toward the pensive and as Potter emptied the memories into the stone basin they all plunged into darkness. He was thankful to see that he had left the childhood memories he had added out as well as the more romantic ones with Lily. He closed his eyes hard as the first memory came into view. He knew he looked a complete mess in this memory and he liked to think that if he couldn't see it, they couldn't either. He tuned back in and listened to himself plead with Dumbledore.

The memory switched and he knew this was the one he wouldn't be able to bear. He understood that it had to be shown, though. Otherwise Fudge could say it was all just an act, that he had deceived Albus. He felt wet on his cheeks as he watched himself rock Lily's body and sob into her hair. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to look at Potter. His face was as white as a sheet and he was crying as well. Against his better judgement, he awkwardly grasped the boy's shoulders and held him there until the memory passed.

Now he was in Dumbledore's office, yelling that he wished he were dead. At that moment, he truly had wished himself gone. The only reason he hadn't offed himself was because Dumbledore had taken his wand from him to prevent him from doing such. He heard himself make the promise to protect Lily's son.

They found themselves inside the office yet again as he watched himself examine Dumbledore's injured hand. He glanced over at Fudge as Albus asked him to kill him when it all came down to it. Fudge was watching the memory wide eyed, oblivious to everything around him. Served him right.

He was now strolling the grounds with Dumbledore, arguing over the boy and the Dark Lord.

The memory transformed to later that night back inside the headmaster's office. He tuned out their argument, not wanting to remember the bad times between the two. He looked back up as he heard himself yell. "Expecto Patronum!" The silver doe burst from the tip of his wand and paraded around the room. "After all this time?" He heard Dumbledore ask. "Always." He muttered to himself as he said it in his memory as well.

He watched himself talk to Dumbledore's portrait, confund Mundungus, accidently cut off George Weasley's ear while trying to curse a Death Eater, and leave to take the sword to Potter before they were all pulled out of the memory and slammed back into their chairs. For a long moment, no one spoke. "Very well then." Fudge stammered "All charges cleared." He announced before exiting the room.

He turned his head to the side and tried to wipe the tears from his eyes without being too obvious. "Tissue Severus." He heard Minerva offer. He looked up and saw that her face was also splotchy from crying. He needed to get drunk, very drunk indeed. "I need to be going back to my rooms now." He stood abruptly and made his way to the dungeons as fast as possible, colliding with another body in the entrance hall as he walked.

"Shit Lupin. I'm sorry!" He burst out, not even thinking about the fact that he was being completely civil toward someone for once. He made to move past the wolf, but he felt his upper arm being seized. "What's wrong? What's happened?" Lupin asked him. Severus could see the concern in his eyes. He knew that Lupin could see his red eyes, the tear tracks on his cheeks. He knew he could feel the way his body was trembling. He wanted to burst out and tell him everything that was on his mind, but he didn't. He just shook his head. Lupin seemed to understand that he didn't want to talk about it any furthur so he didn't push the subject any longer.

He noticed that he was still gripping his arm and was about to jerk away when Lupin suddenly leaned forward, looking around. "I'm going to go raid my liquor cabinet and then I'll be right down." He opened his mouth to speak. "And don't argue." He closed his mouth and watched as Lupin began climbing the stairs to his quarters. Severus hurried down to his quarters to wait for the man. "This should be interesting." He thought to himself, smirking a little.

Severus was prepared when Lupin knocked on his door fifteen minutes later. He had changed from his billowing black robes into a pair of muggle jeans and a grey sweater. He had also taken the junk littering his normally immaculate sitting room and thrown it into a closet, set the alcohol, drinking glasses, and shot glasses on the table, and burned some incense. He wasn't used to having anybody in his private quarters so he wasn't sure if this was the appropriate setting or not.

Lupin smiled as he walked into the room, laden down with a large brown paper bag. "What'd you bring?" Severus asked him, trying not to sound too eager to start drinking. After all, it was only six in the evening. He didn't want to get drunk too early, but he didn't want to get drunk too late either. Lupin sat the large bag down on the coffee table and gestured for him to open it. He first pulled out a half full bottle of Firewhiskey, a full pint of Jack Daniels, and six cans of beer. Jack Daniels was served in the muggle and wizarding world, so that was no surprise. What was a surprise were the cans of beer he pulled out. They said Pedigree on them and he vaguely recognized them as one of the brands Tobias used to drink. He didn't comment on the muggle beer as he added them to his pile on the table. He had managed to dig out a fifth of Jim Beam and a half pint of Firewhiskey.

He grabbed a glass and thrust one at Lupin before picking up his own and pulling himself a cup half full of Jack. Lupin poured himself a glass of Firewhiskey and leaned back against the couch. They sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking from their glasses. "Well this is fun." He heard himself say sarcastically. Lupin gave a low chuckle. "Quite fun indeed. I can see that your not quite the entertainer, so may I suggest we play a game of some sort." Severus felt like snorting at the idea, but held his toungue for once. "What game?" He asked. "It's called I have never." Lupin informed him. He had no idea what this I have never game was. He didn't want to admit it so he allowed himself a few moments to try to figure it out. He still had no idea. "How do you play?" Lupin's face lit up as he realized that he was actually going to play along. "Okay so you have to say something such as "I have never worn the color black." Since you obviously have" He paused to smirk at him as he rolled his eyes into the back of his head, ignoring the comment. "you take a drink from your cup. If I have worn the color black then I must drink too." This game sounded like it could actually be kind of okay. "Let's play." "I'll go first." Lupin volunteered. He agreed to let him go first.

"I have never sang in the shower." Severus shook his head. Did Lupin really think he was going to get him that easily? He kept his drink still as he watched Lupin take a long drink rom his glass. After he finished drinking, he realized that he hadn't taken a drink from his cup. "Oh come on. You really expect me to believe that you've never sang in the shower." He honestly hadn't. Singing in the shower is something your supposed to do when your happy. He never sang happy songs. Only slow, sad one's to remind him of the past. To help him deal with the past. "I have not." Lupin shook his head at him. It was his turn and he took a few moments to think of something good. "I have never taught a class wearing nothing but my outer robe." He took a long drink from his cup. He'd done that more than once when he just hadn't felt the need to put clothes on. Lupin was looking at him in shock. "You didn't." "I did." He smirked at him.

It was Lupin's turn now. "I have never pretended to be in love." His words caught him off guard. He watched as Lupin took a large gulp from his drink. His own drink sat on the table in front of him, untouched. Where the hell had that came from? Why would the wolf pretend to be in love with someone? "Who?" He heard himself ask. Lupin hesitated for a moment before finally answering. "Tonks." "What!" He exclaimed before he could help himself. He had married the woman for Merlin's sake! "She was my best friend Severus. I loved her as a friend. I thought there was more, but I realized too late that there wasn't." He nodded and didn't press the issue. "I have never had sex." Lupin grew pink in the face as he took a few gulps from his drink. Severus downed some of his drink too before addressing Lupin. "We're thirty six years old. Pull yourself together and stop blushing like a thirteen year old girl." Lupin ignored his comment and continued the game. "I've never had a one night stand." At this, they both just glanced at each other before tipping the rest of their drinks back.

They poured full cups of Firewhiskey to drink this time around. Severus was trying to think of a really good question. Something that would throw the man off. "I've never had sex with another man." Lupin coughed and sputtered on his drink at this. He looked at him as if trying to decide what to do. Severus swallowed half of his drink and watched, not surprised as Lupin did the same. Lupin was giving him a look. It wasn't a shocked look. It was a confused one. "What about Lily?" He asked. He was a bit taken aback at the question. Of course he knew! They didn't exactly hide it. Whatever they'd been in that short amount of time. "Have you ever heard of the term pansexual, Lupin?" He watched as Lupin shook his head no. Of course he hadn't. Now he was going to have to explain. "When your bisexual you usually prefer one gender over the other." He paused as Lupin nodded his head. "But when your panssexual, you don't choose one gender over the other. It's more about who you desire, not what gender they are." Lupin nodded his head to show that he understood. "Now that our sexuality lesson is over for the day, would you like to continue?" Lupin didn't reply. He assumed he was trying to think of something else to say or zoning out in his semi drunk state. Severus himself was feeling very light headed and could feel himself getting drunker by the second.

"I've never had sex with Sirius Black." He watched as Lupin downed the rest of his drink, not surprised at that either. He'd known he was right by the way he had acted about him last night. He then tipped back his drink, amused at the expression on Lupin's face. "You and Sirius? W-what?" He exclaimed as he stared at Severus as if he had two heads. One part of him wanted to tell the werewolf that it was none of his business, but the other part of him wanted to see what his reaction would be if he told him the truth. So he did. "Once. In our fourth year. It was oral sex, but still sex none the less." He looked up at the bewildered expression on Lupin's face. "Didn't you wonder why we hated each other so much?" "Well yes, but I didn't think it could have been for a reason like that."

They poured more drinks and the game continued on. They both learned a lot about each other in the next hour as they kept playing. He had learned that Lupin liked to bottom during sex, had never done a drug in his life, and was completely gay. Severus himself had revealed that he had two tattoos, liked to attend muggle drag shows, and had never been on a vacation in his life.

They were both incredibly drunk at the moment and he wanted to ask him a question that had been at the back of his head ever since he woke up. "Lupin?" He said to get the mans attention. Lupin looked up from pouring himself another drink. "Yeah?" Severus was silent for a moment, not sure how to put what he wanted to ask into words. He knew he had to find a way. He had to ask. He had to find out. "The war. How many..." He paused, not wanting to say the last part and was greatful when Lupin seemed to understand what he was trying to ask. "A lot. Over fifty." Severus wasn't surprised, he knew it'd be somewhere around there. He wanted to know how many people he actually knew that had died. Severus nodded at Lupin to continue. Lupin took a deep breath before he began rattling off names. "Mad-Eye Moody, Vincent Crabbe, Fred, Fleur, and Bill Weasley, Luna Lovegood, Aberforth Dumbledore, Colin Creevey, Tonks and her father." He stopped at that. So many people he had known. So many people who had died at the hands of the Dark Lord. He couldn't even imagine the grieving the Weasley family must be in right now. They were good people. They didn't deserve it. And Aberforth was gone. He had been close to him as well.

He felt his body start shaking and tears start forming inside his eyes. He couldn't do this. He couldn't have a break down in front of one of his childhood enemies. He couldn't let his guard down. He couldn't cry. He hardly cried when he was alone, much less in front of other people. He held his emotions in until he was about to burst, but never actually revealed them. His little breakdown in Minerva's office had been bad enough. He was supposed to be this cold hearted man who had no emotions. At least, that's the way he wanted everyone to perceive him. That's the way he wanted to appear to himself. It was easier that way.

He squeezed his eyes shut tight until he felt the tears stop threatening to come out. He then reached forward and shakily poured himself another glass, making a point not to look at Lupin. He downed his entire drink before looking up. He was surprised to see Lupin slumped over, his hands over his face. The man had excellent control of his emotions. Almost as much as he did.

He got up and stumbled over to where the man sat. "There's nothing you could have done." He told him as he shakily bent down next to him. "This isn't your fault." He said, trying to make himself believe the words as well. The man just shook his head and he saw a few tears sliding down his cheeks. It angered him to see the man beating himself up over something he had no control over. "If it's anyones fault it's mine." It was true. He had joined the Dark Lord. He had let the Death Eaters control the castle. He had let the Dark Lord into Hogwarts grounds so he could obtain the Elder Wand.

He tried to speak again as the man slowly looked up at him, but the words caught in his throat as he tried not to dissolve into tears. What the hell was wrong with him? Maybe it was all the alcohol he had consumed getting to him or maybe it was due to the fact that he had been an emotional wreck ever since he woke up.

He turned and walked across the room, resting his forehead on the mantle. He was taking deep breaths to calm himself when he felt a hand on his shoulder. At the man's touch, he turned around, not even caring about the fact that he was on the verge of crying. "It's not your fault." The man simply stated before pulling him into a hug.

The human contact made all his walls dissolve instantly. That was all it took for him to break down in tears. It seemed that's all it had taken for the other man as well as he suddenly felt wetness on his neck. It felt so nice to be comforted. To be in someone's arms again. He hadn't hugged anyone besides the stiff pat he gave when someone hugged him in a very long time. He needed this.

Lupin released him and began stumbling toward the door. "Remus." He called out after him, his voice shaking because he was still crying. His voice was full of desparation. He didn't care. The man stopped where he was walking. "Don't go." He couldn't be alone tonight. He didn't want to be alone tonight. He'd spent the past sixteen years alone except for the meaningless one night stands. Lupin turned around and looked at him, his eyes full of wonder. "Stay." The man nodded and walked back over to where he was. Severus grabbed his arm and led him to his bedroom. Silently, he pulled out pajamas for himself and tossed some at Lupin as well. They changed right in front of each other, too drunk and emotional to really care about things like dignity anymore.

Severus turned the light out with a flick of his wand and lay down in his king sized bed. He felt Lupin lay down next to him and couldn't help but turn to look at him. The man was laying there, tears silently streaming down his face. Severus felt himself start crying harder than he already was and sounds accidently slipped out. He quickly lay on his side, his back to Lupin, embarassed. He closed his eyes and tried to go to sleep. He felt safe with the other body laying next to him so sleep came easily. Just before drifting off he felt an arm slip around his waist and he didn't even think to fight it.


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the Summer holiday's passed and soon it was the night of the feast. Severus had spent the remainder of his free time brewing and making lesson plans for the upcoming school year. He had woken up to an empty bed after his night with Lupin. Over the next month they had became friends. Yes, friends. The word sounded foreign in his mind. The only friends he had ever had were Lily and Albus. Even that didn't really count. Lily was his lover and Albus was more like his father than his friend. He found himself completely comfortable to just sit and chat about the upcoming school year with him.

They hadn't had anymore heart wrenching moments together and they never spoke of that night again. It was like it had never happened. Yet, something had changed that night. He didn't know if Lupin knew it, but he knew he did. He missed the feeling of Lupin's arm around his waist as he slept. Missed the feeling of security he had experienced when he was around. Missed his weight on the other side of the bed. He didn't think he had feelings for the other man. No, he surely didn't. He had just been lonely and Lupin had been there to comfort him. That was all it was.

Severus took his seat at the staff table just as the student's began filing into the Great Hall. He was surprised to see Potter, Weasley, and Granger coming in with the rest of the student's. He had known that every grade was repeating the previous year since they hadn't been taught properly, but he hadn't expected the golden trio to return. He had expected them to think an education was beneath them now that they had conquered the Dark Lord. "I didn't think they were coming back either." He heard a voice in his ear. He turned and saw Lupin had sat next to him. "You didn't know?" He asked, surprised. He knew that the man was very close with Potter as well as the Weasley's. "Molly had mentioned that they were coming back, but I didn't know if it was true or not. She had insisted they were coming back last year, even when they had informed her countless times that they weren't. I asked Harry in our letters, but he never seemed to be able to give me a straight answer so I assumed they weren't either." Severus nodded and turned his attention back to the student's. They had all filed in now and the first years were about to be sorted.

His eyes caught attention of a small boy with flaming red hair. The child looked like a Weasley, but as far as he knew, they hadn't popped any out lately. "Is that a Weasley?" He asked Lupin who nodded in conformation. Ah, so he had been right. "He's Molly's sister's son." He turned his attention back to the sorting. Severus watched as five were sorted into Gryffindor, three into Hufflepuff, seven into Ravenclaw, and four into Slytherin. There was only one student left now, the Weasley boy. He zoned out, not even bothering to pay attention. He would be sorted into Gryffindor, no doubt about that one. "SLYTHERIN!" He suddenly heard the sorting hat scream. His head shot up and his eyes widened as he watched the boy slowly walk across the hall to the Slytherin table. There was dead silence for a few moments before a polite applause broke out.

His eyes skimmed the Gryffindor table until he found who he was looking for. The two youngest Weasley's were looking at the Slytherin table open mouthed. He glanced at the Slytherin table and saw that some of the older student's looked furious. He didn't even have to ask why. Although the Weasley's were pure blood's, they were the biggest blood traitors in the wizarding world. They were in constant rival with most of the remaining pure blood families. Not to mention, Gryffindor and Slytherin houses had a constant rivalry going and every single Weasley had been sorted into Gryffindor. Until now. He cast a look over at the boy and saw he was sitting alone. He felt sorry for him. He was surely going to be out cast. He made a mental note to keep an eye on him before beginning to eat his food.

The feast ended and he waited until the hall was nearly empty before getting up and beginning his walk to the dungeons. As he was walking, he heard a voice call out to him. "Professor!" He turned and saw that it was Potter coming toward him. What did the boy want now? "Yes?" He mentally scolded himself for being so cold. The boy had saved his life after all. "I just wanted to check and see how your doing. I never really got a chance to talk with you after that day in the hospital wing." Potter actually cared about how he was doing? He was still doing awful. He was still haunted with nightmares of his past. Still fighting the urge not to cry half of the time. Still alone. Unwanted. "Fine, I suppose." He replied. "Well, I'm glad. See you in class Professor." In class? Why would the boy be taking Potions? Oh yeah. He wanted to become an Auror. "Potter." He called after him, not completely aware of what he was doing. He turned around to look at him. "Thank you." The boy gave him a strange look and he didn't blame him. Since when did Severus Snape say thank you to anyone? "For what Professor?" He asked him. He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them and looking the boy right in the eyes, Lily's eyes. "For saving my life." He said before turning on his heel and walking to the dungeons, never looking back.

Severus was in a terrible mood at breakfast the next morning. No more brewing potions, laying around, and chatting with Lupin all day. It was the first day of term and he had to get up to teach. He didn't even acknowledge anyone else as he ate in silence, not wanting to see so many people at such an early hour. He even ignored Lupin's advances to talk to him. He just wanted to go back to bed, but he had a class of idiot first years to teach.

The morning passed quickly and with little disruption. He had managed to scare his class of first years half to death and take ten points from Hufflepuff for tardiness in his third year class. He headed down to the Great Hall for lunch, taking a spot in the middle of the table. Minerva showed up a few minutes later, sitting next to him. "I just had to discipline a few Slytherins." He grew kind of angry at that remark. They were from his house, so it was his job to punish them. He usually let them off easier than he would anyone else, but so what?

She took his silence as a good thing and continued on. "They were making fun of the new Weasley boy." That pissed him off, but he wasn't surprised. He knew that they wouldn't see him as their equal, no matter what house he was in. "What were they doing and who was it." He managed to get out through his gritted teeth. "Mrs. Granger was instructing him on where to find the class he has after lunch. After she walked away is when the taunting began. They called him a mudblood lover and said he didn't belong in their house." He felt anger practically pouring out of his body.

He hated the word mudblood and despised anybody who used it. This was mostly due to the fact that Lily had been muggle born and also due to the fact that it was just vile. He knew Minerva didn't know he felt that strongly about the word so he tried to keep his anger inside. He took a couple deep breaths to control himself, but looked down as he heard a smashing noise. He had managed to crush his goblet in his hand.

A couple student's were looking on, but he didn't care. He banished the pieces and produced another goblet out of thin air. "Who?" He managed to get out. He looked and saw Minerva looking at him as if she'd never seen him in her life. He knew that his anger probably completely threw her off. "Goyle, Bulstrode, and Avery. I took twenty points." That's it? She took twenty points for the use of the word mudblood?

He practically jumped out of his seat, his chair clattering loudly as he walked toward the Slythern table. He could feel the eyes of every single person in the Great Hall on him, but he didn't pay them any attention. He reached where the seventh years were sitting. "Goyle, Bulstrode, and Avery. Come with me." They looked at him as if he were crazy. He was known for not disciplining his students. "NOW!" He screamed at them. They listened this time, following him out into the entrance hall.

"What's goin on Professor?" He heard Goyle ask him. "Thought it would be funny to torment the new Weasley boy?" He heard himself ask them. "Well yeah." Bulstrode said, smirking as if it was the most obvious conclusion on earth. "I don't see anything funny here Miss. Bulstrode!" He barked at them, amused to see that they all recoiled back. "I thought you'd be proud of us sir." Avery said from behind Goyle. Proud? Were these children out of their minds? He grabbed the boy by the shoulders. "You thought I'd be proud that three seventh years are tormenting a first year? You thought I'd be proud that three Slytherins are tormenting a fellow Slytherin? You thought I'd be proud that you called the boy a mudblood lover?"

He released the boy as they all three stared at him, shocked by his sudden outburst as well as his newly found discipline. "I will be taking fifty points." He paused as they all gasped in horror. "Each." He informed them, almost gleefully. "In addition to that, you will all three serve detention with Mr. Filch every night at seven pm for the next two weeks. You will apologize to the boy at dinner. And you will NEVER use a word like that again or say another word to the Weasley boy after you apologize. I don't want to see you so much as look at him. Do I make myself clear?" The three children nodded at him, wide eyed. "Good, now get out of my sight." He snarled at them.

He then stomped off to his next class, knowing he was a few minutes late. They were his seventh year N.E.W.T. class and he'd left the instructions on the board, so Merlin help them if they weren't working. He flung the door's open and was shocked to see that they were all working and that all hell hadn't broken loose in his absense. After all, this class consisted of mainly all Gryffindor's and Slytherin's. He strode through the room, taking a seat at his desk and filling a glass with water. He took a long drink and watched as the student's attempted to brew a Calming Draught.

Towards the end of the class, he got up to examine their potions. He walked through the desks, nodding at the potions although most of them were incorrect. He stopped when he got to Weasley's which was puke green instead of a dark forest green. "That would be a zero for the day Mr. Weasley." He said as he banished his potion. He heard a few snickers from the Slytherins. Things never changed. He peered into Potter's cauldron and was surprised to see that he had actually managed to brew the potion correctly.

Upon examining the rest of the cauldrons, he discovered that the only other person who managed to get it completely right was Draco. He walked to the front of the class and stopped. "If any of you would like to see the correct way to make a Calming Draught, then I suggest you get up off your arse's and come have a look in Mr. Malfoy or Mr. Potter's cauldron." He enjoyed the shocked look he got from the whole class at his not treating Potter like dirt. He conjoured two phials and instructed the boys to fill them with their potions, making a mental note to label them and send them to the hospital wing later on.

The bell rang and the student's began filing out as he continued to grade paper's. A few moments passed and he noticed that the student's were taking longer than usual to exit the room. He looked up, wanting to know why. He watched in surprise as Potter shot his friends a look to go without him. They gave him a strange look, but went on without him. He began packing up his bag as slowly as he could and Severus could have sworn he caught him glancing at Draco.

"Come on Draco." He heard Parkinson command him and watched as she batted her eyelashes at him. He didn't seem to be interested in the little snot. "Go on. I'll just be a minute." The two sworn enemies had just told their friends to go on without them. What was going on? He watched as she left the room pouting and soon it was only the three of them left in the room. He watched out of the corner of his eye as they slowly walked out of the room, shutting the door behind them.

He couldn't resist following them and he strode to the door, opening it a crack so he could see out. "So I guess I'll see you later Dray." It appeared that he had caught the end of their conversation. Dray? What was that all about. "Yeah, see you later." Draco said back as Potter headed toward the Great Hall. Draco grabbed his hand and pulled him back. Potter looked confused as well as he turned to face Draco. "I hate this. I hate that we have to hide this from everybody." Did he just say that or were his ears deceiving him?

"Me too." Potter said before walking off. Severus let the door shut behind him in shock. He didn't know what the hell was going on. He did know one thing, though. Potter and Draco were sworn ememies. They hated each other as much as himself and James Potter had. Draco's father was a Death Eater who had tried to capture Potter. Although Draco was not evil, he had still let the Death Eaters into the castle and been marked. So what was that? He didn't know, but he was going to figure it out somehow.

He kept a close eye on the two boys at dinner, but he didn't see them so much as glance at each other. He smirked to himself as he saw the three Slytherin's come in. He hadn't forgotten about the apology they had to make. He was purposely taking his time. Making them think he had forgotten or that he was going to let them off. What he was really waiting for was the middle of dinner, when everybody would be watching. He was going to embaress them as much as he could.

Remus hadn't shown up and he found himself wondering where the man was. He had wanted him to see what he was about to force his Slytherin's to do. He figured the man was either to tired or to busy to come so he pushed it to the back of his mind as he stood up to go collect his snake's.

He once again felt eyes on him as he made his way over to the Slytherin table, stopping in front of the three. "I believe." He paused, watching as looks of horror appeared on their face's. "That you three have an apology to make." They were shocked all right. They really hadn't been expecting him to follow through with it. They slowly stood up and Severus marched them over to the Gryffindor table, where the boy had taken to sitting with the Weasley's, Potter, Longbottom, and Granger.

He became aware of the fact that all the student's and staff in the hall had grown silent. He knew that they were all watching, waiting to see what would happen in the Slytherin-Gryffindor exchange. All the teenagers looked up as they stopped in front of them. Potter had been sitting next to the boy, trying to teach him how to do a simple hover charm. "What do you assholes want." The Weasley boy said, scowling up at them. Normally, Severus would have taken ten points for language, but he let it go. After all, they were exactly what he had called them.

His Slytherin's looked up at him, but he just gave them a look to continue on. "We wanted to." Avery began, having trouble getting it out. "Aplogize to um" He paused again, not knowing the boy's first name. "Jacob." Potter said. Severus watched as he put an arm protectively around the boy's shoulder's. "Yeah just wanted to say that we're" Avery trailed off, unable to finish. "Sorry." Bulstrode finished for him. "We're sorry for what we said and um." She looked up at him and he nodded at her to continue. "It won't happen again." The Gryffindor's just stared at the Slytherin's in shock as they walked away.

The school week passed quickly and he soon found that it was the weekend. Finally. Now he could get some peace and quiet. Hopefully, he wouldn't have to see the little brats too often before Monday. He had agreed to spend the night with Remus, having a drink or two in his quarters. As he began walking to Remus's quarters, he could see people staring at him. He ignored the stares of the students. He shot a few death glares behind him as he walked, hoping to scare them off. He knew they probably found it strange that he was walking anywhere that wasn't the dungeons or the Great Hall. He prefered to be alone, they all knew that. At least, that's what they thought about him. No one actually knew anything about the real him and he intended to keep it that way.

He reached Remus's quarters and knocked three times. Remus opened the door and ushered him inside. He took a seat in his usual arm chair by the fire and Remus sat across from him, pouring them both a drink. Severus removed his robe and kicked off his shoes, laying his feet on the coffee table. He had grown to be completely comfortable around Remus as well as in his quarters. He didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Remus smiled as he watched him and Severus felt a lurching in his stomach. It wasn't a bad thing. He didn't know what it was, but he knew it had to do with the fact that Remus had just smiled at him.

"Rough week?" Remus asked, a mask of concern on his face. "Terrible. I've had to discipline more Slytherin's this week alone than in my entire teaching career. Not to mention the first years are annoying the hell out of me." It appeared from his very first lesson that the first years were very anxious to learn. They bombarded him with questions and hardly reacted to his glares of death. It was as if nobody had told them not to cross him. "Ah yes, your Slytherin's. I've been hearing that they've been giving Jacob a lot of trouble." Despite his warnings, the little brats continued to torment the poor boy. It seemed as if even the student's from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff had joined in on the torment. He opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Remus walked over and opened the door. "Hello Remus." He recognized Minerva's voice immediately. "Sorry to bother you on your Friday night, but I need you to sign these paper's. The ministry is now doing background checks and making all the teachers sign a contract form." They were doing background checks? He was totally screwed unless Fudge said something to them. Just because his charges were cleared didn't mean that they would forget who he used to be. "Sure, not a problem. Come in and have a seat while I go grab a quill." Severus quickly removed his feet from the table and sat up straight. Damn that man.

Minerva entered the sitting room and he saw a look of shock on her face at him sitting there in muggle clothes with no shoes on. "What a surprise Severus! I didn't expect to find you here." Yeah, well he hadn't expected her to interrupt their drinking session either. "Ah yes, Severus was just here to have a drink and catch up about the week." Remus answered before he could as he came back into the room. The look of shock returned to her face. "Don't look so shocked Minerva. I do venture out of the dungeons on rare occasions" He said with a small smile on his face. She looked as if she would keel over from seeing any hint of an expression on his face. "Very rare occasions indeed." She said as Remus handed the paper's over. "Have a nice night." She called over her shoulder as she walked out the door.

"I think she almost had a heart attack when she saw me sitting here." He couldn't help but burst out laughing as he said it. For the next hour or so they talked, drank, and laughed together. He was beginning to get very drunk as he suggested they play a drinking game. Remus drunkenly agreed. "What game?" Remus asked him. "Truth or Dare!" He slurred. Remus chuckled at the game he used to play when he was a child. "Okay I dare you to dance the Witches Slide." Severus laughed as he stood up and began stumbling around, trying to dance the popular dance. "Now I get to dare you!" He almost shouted. He hadn't been this drunk in years. He hadn't allowed himself to laugh like this in years, either. It felt nice. "I dare you to show me your underwear." He was curious as to what underwear the wolf wore and he also wanted to live up to the point of the game: to embaress the hell out of people. Remus blushed as he slowly pulled down his trousers to reveal a pair of midnight blue boxers. "He looks damn good in them." Severus caught himself thinking and scolded himself. "I dare you to show me your tattoo's." Severus took no time in removing his sweater to reveal his tattoo's.

The first was on his shoulder blade. It was the tattoo he got when his mother died. "E.J.P. Never Forgotten" It read with angel wings surrounding it. The next tattoo was on his upper arm. It made him want to cry even looking at it. He turned to let Remus see. "Lily Marie Evans" It read in neat script. Underneath it was a tiny lily and below that it said one word "Always" He turned to put his shirt on and saw Remus looking at his left arm. He had forgotten about it in his drunk state. He quickly turned and began to put his shirt on, but Remus stopped him. Severus flinched as he felt the man's hands touch the awful mark on his arm. He made to pull away, but stopped as Remus began carefully stroking it. It felt nice. He felt like electricity was running up his entire arm at the man's touch. He had never felt this way when anyone had touched him. Not even Lily.

He slowly turned towards Remus. He felt the mans hand move from his arm and met his stare. He knew he should turn, flee from the room. Knew he couldn't get close to the man. Knew he would pay dearly for it if he did. "I dare you" He paused, not knowing if he should go any farther. He looked back into Remus's soft, amber eyes. That was all it took for him to decide. "to kiss me." He finished.

Remus just stared back at him for a moment. Severus didn't back down, didn't break eye contact, didn't turn to go. Remus took a step toward him and leaned in. He closed his eyes and felt the man's lips moving on his own. He felt that familiar jolt of electricity shooting throughout his entire body as he responded back, kissing the man like he had never kissed anybody in his entire life. He felt light headed as they continued to kiss. He didn't think it had anything to do with the alcohol, either.

He couldn't help but smile as he cupped Remus's face in his hands, slowing the kiss down. He was trying to savor it as much as he could. He wanted it to last forever. He didn't want to break apart. He was content with standing in this spot for the rest of his life, just kissing Remus. Remus suddenly pulled apart from him and wound his arms around his neck. "Just for the record." He muttered into Severus's ear. "Yeah?" He asked, trying to catch his breath. "You didn't need to dare me."

The next two week's were the most awkward week's of his life. After the kiss with Remus, they hadn't said another word, just fallen asleep together. Upon waking up, he had quickly left as the wolf slept soundly. He felt bad for leaving like that, but it was absolutely necessary. Throughout the following week, Remus tried to talk to him several times, but he mostly avoided him. He purposely sat in between two other people at all meals, hardly ever left the dungeons, and threw himself into his work as if to forget about everything that had happened. He could tell the other man was hurt. He felt awful for it, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't go there.

He had allowed his shield's to fall down. The very shield's that he had spent that past sixteen years building around himself. Then one man came along and they almost instantly tore down. He didn't understand why Remus had this effect on him, but he knew enough not to pursue it. He had allowed himself to get close to someone again. Any kind of closeness was too close for him. He wouldn't allow himself to care about another person, only to lose them in the end. He had experienced that too much in his life. He would just pretend that it had never happened. That they hadn't became friends. That they hadn't started to become more. He would forget the feeling of the man's arm's around him. Lose the sense of security he felt when the other man was around. Forget the electricity that shot through his body at the man's touch. He wished there were another way, but there wasn't. This was the only way to do it.

The tormenting of the Weasley boy still continued despite Severus's best effort's to put an end to it all. He hadn't heard them call him a mudblood lover again, but he had heard them yell things like "blood traitor" followed by a quick jostling in the hallway. Anytime he saw it, he would take ten points from whichever house and give them a good yelling.

His level of curiosity was still high as he kept seeing Potter and Draco talk in secret all throughout the school. He still didn't know what to make of this newly formed friendship or why it had occured. The two seemed very keen to keep the friendship private and he understood why. If anybody saw the Slytherin and Griffyndor exchanging so much as a look of politeness they would be bombarded with questions, scolded for making friends with the enemy, and if he knew his Slytherin's like he thought he did, may be even outcast.

It was a Friday night, exactly two week's after the kiss with Remus, and Severus was patrolling the corridors looking for late night stragglers. He was mainly looking for couple's, hiding somewhere throughout the castle to do their dirty work. He always seemed to catch at least one or two when he was patrolling. The idiots weren't very good at finding a proper hiding place to shag each other. He grimaced at the thought and began climbing the stairs toward the owlery. He never failed to catch a student up there late at night either trying to send a letter unnoticed, doing some form of sexual activity, or just merely enjoying the view. Sure enough, he heard voices as he reached the steps leading up to the Owlery.

He stopped at the top to listen for a moment. "I can't do this anymore!" He was shocked to hear Draco's voice coming from the room. He was positive it was him, he would know it anywhere. He was even more shocked to hear that it sounded like the boy was crying. He had known Draco his entire life and he was no one to cry without very good reason. He reminded him of himself at that age. As strong as they come and unwilling to break under the highest amount of pressure. So why was he standing in the owlery, crying to someone? "I know. I can't either." He heard another boy's voice say. Was it Potter? The two had been secretly meeting all over the school since the start of term.

Eager to find out, Severus cast a quick Disillusement charm over himself before slowly pushing the door open a crack. Even though he was invisible, he didn't dare to push the door open all the way, not wanting himself to be noticed. He almost gasped in shock as he saw Draco and Potter standing there in a tight embrace. He waited for the two to speak again. "Harry I lo-" Draco tried to speak, but Potter shook his head and moved out of the embrace.

Severus watched as Draco suddenly grew very angry through his tears. "No you listen to me!" Draco screamed, grabbing Potter by his shoulder's. "I love you! I love you so much that it hurts! I don't give a damn what anybody has to say about it anymore! Your mine and nobody can take that from me no matter how hard they try!" Severus's eyes widened at the sudden realization. Draco and Potter were together. They were...gay?

He had never taken Potter to be that way. He had been with the Weasley girl throughout his sixth year and if he wasn't mistaken he had be infratuated with that older Ravenclaw a couple years back as well. As for Draco, it wasn't all that hard to believe. He had never known Draco to show any interest in the girl's that constantly surrounded him at school. He still couldn't believe that this was who he had chosen to be with, of all people. What would his father say if he knew? Knew he was gay, much less that he was dating Harry Potter?

They were now sitting by one of the window's. Potter had taken the other boy in his arms and was stroking his hair, whispering in his ear. Severus should have busted them. Should have broken up the little party and informed them that he knew about them. He would have done it without hesitation any other time, but as he stood watching them, he found that he didn't have the heart to take this moment away from them. They looked so content to just be with each other. Just to be able to be themselves for once. They both deserved it after everything they had been through.

Draco had never been given proper affection throughout his life. He'd had to grow up watching his parents seek money and power while completely ignoring him in the process. To make up for their absence, his parent's had practically showered him with gift's. Bought him anything his little heart desired. They'd caused him to become the cruel, manipulative little boy he had been when he'd first arrived at Hogwarts. He had been brain washed from a very young age. He'd been taught that pure blood's were the only people that should be accepted in the wizarding world and that anyone beneath that was the scum under his shoes. They taught him that money meant everything and it was the way to power. They'd taught him how to manipulate and threaten people to get what he wanted.

After the Dark Lord's return, he'd had to watch his parent's serve the Dark Lord, expected to follow in their footsteps. He'd then been forced to become a Death Eater at the age of sixteen and instructed to kill. He'd had to see things in his life that no one should see, let alone a teenager. Now his parent's were locked up in Azkaban, his aunt Bellatrix was dead, and he had no one left to care for him. He felt truly sorry for the boy. None of what had happened was his fault, yet he was being punished the most for it.

Potter had been worse off then Draco. He knew what Petunia was like from when he'd known her and he doubted the woman had changed one bit. Severus had also noticed how thin the boy had looked when he came back every term. He'd noticed how much he would eat at mealtimes for the first few day's. When he'd visited Grimmauld place a few summer's ago, his biggest concern was confirmed. He'd watched as the boy removed his jacket and shirt, thinking that no one could see him. He had watched as the boy proceeded to use Bruise Balm on the purple bruises coating his back, arms, and chest. He'd seen where there were a few mark's that looked like gashes from a whip on his back, but he never saw the boy touch those. He had been pissed when he saw how Lily's son was being treated by her own family.

He'd gone to Dumbledore and told him what he'd seen, but the old man had made it very clear that he had to keep returning because of the blood wards. Aside from the beatings and having the darkest wizard of the age trying to kill him constantly, Potter had lost every person in his life that had actually cared for him. His parent's, his god father, Dumbledore, and the members of the order. The golden trio was still intact, but Severus had noticed that he seemed to be drifting away from the other two lately. He had a feeling it had to due with his newfound relationship with the Slytherin.

He was just glad to see that the two boys who had been left with absolutely nothing could get joy out of each other. He turned on the step and left them there together, not wanting to take away one of their rare moment's together. It was as if he had never noticed them. "My god, I've gone soft." He thought to himself as he abandoned patrolling the corridor's to go sit outside. He knew nobody would be out at this time of night as he headed down to the Entrance Hall.


	6. Chapter 6

He opened the great oak front door, closing it gently behind him before taking a seat on the marble steps. He sweeped the grounds with his eyes, admiring the view. He loved the castle grounds during the fall. It wasn't too hot, wasn't too cold. The leaves turned colors, but didn't die completely. The grass was still green, but wasn't wet with humidity. The moon shone brightly tonight, not a single cloud lingered in the sky. He leaned back until he was lying down on the steps, knowing that no students would be coming outside. It was perfect. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, taking in as much of the crisp fall air as he could and losing himself in his thoughts.

"It's beautiful out here." A voice behind him said. He didn't have to turn to realize that it was Remus who had stumbled upon him. He had no idea when the other man had came out here. He would have heard the door open if he wouldn't have been lost in his own thoughts. "Yes." He whispered. For once, he didn't have the strength to run away from the man. It was probably best that they talked anyways. He owed Remus an explanation for his behavior. He just didn't know what he was going to say or how he was going to say it.

He felt him lie down beside him, but he didn't look over, just opened his eyes and began staring at the stars. He could spot the many constellations throughout the sky and name a couple stars as well. He loved Astronomy and it had been his favorite subject throughout his school years. He had never told anybody that, though. Everyone always assumed it had been Defense Against The Dark Art's or Potions. They couldn't have been more wrong. Every other subject was nothing in comparison to Astronomy. It required no spell work, no chopping up of ingredients, no changing objects. Astronomy was all about finding the different patterns and stars throughout the sky and appreciating how beautiful it all was.

"I was never good at identifying constellations and star patterns." He heard Remus mutter next to him. He didn't know what posessed him to do it, but he suddenly pointed up at the sky. "See that constellation right there? That's Aquila. You can tell by the way it almost looks like a three dimensional triangle. It's only visible from July to October every year." He cast a look at Remus, expecting him to be bored. He was surprised to see him staring up at the sky, taking in every word he said. "And that one right there." He continued, pointing to directly over the Black Lake. "That's Cygnus, which means swan. It was named that because if you look closely, it looks as if a swan is flying throughout the sky." He turned his head to see Lupin nodding at the sky and nodding.

"I see it." He informed him. He couldn't think of anything to say back except a snarky comment so he just didn't say anything at all. He took a deep breath before pointing out another constellation, lying just over the Womping Willow. "That one over there is called Lepus. It's the most beautiful one in the sky. You can recognize it by the two leg looking parts of it. It means-" "Wolf." He was cut off and surprised that he knew what it meant. He would have never pointed it out, nor made the comment about how beautiful it was if he had known that Remus knew what it was. He was definitely becoming too soft.

He felt his cheeks burning and made sure to keep his eyes trained on the sky. "I didn't realize you knew." He said, willing the embarassment to not be heard in his voice. He felt the wolf interwine his warm fingers with his rather cold one's. He didn't pull away, electricity running throughout his hand at the sudden touch. "That last one, over there. That one's Leo." He didn't say anymore, not wanting the wolf to catch on to the sentimental value of that one too. Merlin. He really was becoming a sentimental old fool.

He felt Remus start rubbing his thumb over his own and almost shivered at the feeling. Slowly, he turned his head to face the other man. He kept staring straight ahead, taking in the view. The moonlight was reflecting off of his sandy hair and his skin looked paler than usual at this time of night. He turned his head to face him, his amber eyes were glowing with unmistakable happiness. Severus took a deep breath, feeling awful for what he was about to do. "This can't go on Remus." He said quietly, adverting his eyes.

He didn't want to see the happiness drain from the mans eyes, knowing he was the source of it. "I'm not good for you. Or anyone. I push people away. I hurt them in the end. I can't allow myself to do that to you. I care for you too much to let that happen." He finally allowed his eyes to meet his, surprised to see a faint smile on his face. "I knew you were going to say something like that. Are you sure you shouldn't have been in Gryffindor with your nobleness and all?" Severus was shocked at the fact that Remus hadn't hit him, screamed at him, told him how hurt he was. Maybe he really was that good at hiding his emotions. Or maybe he didn't care at all. He hoped it was the latter. It would make this much easier.

His hand suddenly dropped onto the steps and he realized that Remus had stood up, making his way over to the doors. "I won't give up on you Severus." He said. He didn't even acknowledge that he'd heard the man speak, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep the quivering out of his voice if he spoke a single word. He kept his eyes shut tight, knowing that one sight of the man would cause him to rethink what he had just done. He couldn't let that happen. He heard the castle door open, but never swing shut. He knew the man was still standing there. "Leo means lion." He finally allowed himself to say.

He opened his eyes as he finally heard the door swing shut, taking a deep breath before beginning to study the sky once again. He missed Remus's touch already.


	7. Chapter 7

It was three days after he had lay outside with Remus when Severus found himself patrolling the corridors once again. After that night, he had gone back to ignoring Remus. He was now ignoring him as well. It almost bothered him that the man no longer tried to talk to him every chance he got. That he was no longer following him around the school, trying to get him alone. He hated to say it, but he missed him.

He now had to fight the urge daily to go up to the man and kiss him right then and there. He had come to terms with the fact that he wanted him, bad. He had also come to terms with the fact that they could never be together. He wouldn't put Remus through the kind of hell he had put Lily through. He wouldn't let Remus ruin his reputation if word ever got out that they were together. Hell, he wouldn't ruin his own reputation if word ever got out. He couldn't be viewed as the soft hearted boyfriend of Remus Lupin's. He had to be viewed as the cold hearted Potions master who was forever alone in his misery.

Severus was about to turn around and begin patrolling the corridor below when he suddenly heard a shuffling noise. He whipped around, squinting into the darkness, and could just make out a figure moving toward him. "Lumos." He whispered, hoping to catch the person off guard so they didn't have time to run. The light shot from the tip of his wand and he looked up to see who he'd caught out of bed. Only it wasn't a student, it was Remus Lupin.

Neither of them said a word, just looked at each other for a moment. He couldn't stand the way the other man was looking at him. Like he wanted to just grab him and never let go. He had to get the hell out of there. "Nox." He muttered as he turned to go, but felt a hand grab his robes, preventing him from doing so. "Remus." He began. He couldn't do this. Didn't the other man understand that? He gasped in shock as the man, stronger than he looked, pushed him up against the wall.

He tried to push the man off of him, but it was no use. Remus was stronger. Much stronger. It probably had a lot to do with him being a werewolf. "Remus. I can-" He was suddenly cut off as the man pressed his lips against his neck. He didn't have to respond. He didn't have to let this continue. He could just push him away right now, when he was least expecting it. He was about to do so when he felt a warm sensation spread throughout his entire body. It felt good. Really good. He couldn't let this continue, though. He had to throw the man off of him.

He could hardly think as the man began sucking and biting at his neck. Everything was forgotten as Severus let his arms slip around the mans waist and Remus stopped working on his neck, staring at him in shock for a moment before grabbing his head and crashing their lips together. He kissed back with as much force as he could, not caring that his lips were bruising in the process. Not caring that the force was hurting him like hell. Not caring that he had already promised himself that he wouldn't get involved anymore than he already was. He was kissing Remus. Really kissing him.

He let his toungue graze over Remus's lips, asking for access. It was granted to him and he felt the other man moan as his tongue clashed with his. Severus felt himself grow hard at the sound of Remus's moan and he ground their crotches together earning even more moans from Remus. Their tongues fought for dominance, Remus winning in the end. Severus didn't care if he was the one in control anymore. As long as Remus never stopped kissing him.

They continued to kiss like that, time slipping by. They didn't care that they were in the middle of the corridor. They didn't care that it was the middle of the night. They didn't care that they were both out of breath. Nothing else mattered at the moment except each other which is why they didn't hear the figure approaching or see the wandlight. "Oh!" A surprised voice gasped at the sight of them.

The two men sprang into action, jumping apart from each other at once. Severus could feel a blush on his cheeks and anger pouring throughout his body. Who the hell had interrupted them? He looked around and saw Potter standing there, his jaw slightly dropped. Of course it was him. He was always strutting about the castle when he wasn't supposed to be. "Harry? What are you doing walking around at this time of night?" Remus asked. The boy didn't answer, just hung his head. "Off to meet Mr. Malfoy, perhaps?" He heard himself say.

He didn't know what made him say it. He didn't think that he'd been on his way to meet Draco at all. Potter may be a rule breaker, but he was smart enough to use his invisibility cloak and that map of his when doing so. He was out for a completely different reason and he wanted to know why. Although, he didn't feel bad for exposing his secret with Draco. Expecially after what he had just walked in on.

"N-no." He was surprised to hear his voice shaking. He stole a glance at Remus who hadn't seemed to understand his comment. Hearing Potter breathing hard, he took a good look at him and noticed that the boy had been crying recently. His eyes were blood shot and his nose was running. He looked like a mess. "Harry what happened?" Remus asked. "I g-got k-k-icked o-out." It took a minute for Potter to get the sentence out correctly as he had begun crying and gasping for air as he talked.

It was then that Severus noticed the boy had his trunk, broom, and owl cage with him. "Come on." He said, casting a hover charm on Potter's posessions. The other two gave him a strange look before following. He led them down to his quarters, where the portrait granted them immediate access. He instructed Potter to sit and beckoned Remus to follow him into the kitchen.

"What did he mean he got kicked out?" Remus asked in a hushed whisper. Severus ignored his question for a moment as he bustled around the kitchen, making them all tea. "He had all of his stuff with him." Remus observed. He glanced over and saw the mans eyes grow wide. "Oh no. You don't think...he got kicked out of Gryffindor tower?" Severus had to try not to roll his eyes at the mans realization. It wasn't that hard to figure out. "That's exactly what I think." He said, coming to stand next to Remus as he waited for the tea to finish stirring itself. "But why?" Remus asked, looking very troubled. He was pretty sure he knew the reason why.

Severus could have told him right then and there, but he thought he should at least give Potter the chance to explain to Remus before spilling his biggest secret. "I think you had better let him explain." He said, briefly laying his hand on the man's shoulder for a moment before picking up the tea and heading back into the sitting room.

He was glad to see that Potter had managed to regain some of his control and was now taking sips of his tea, trying to calm himself. He decided not to push the boy into talking about what had happened and waited a good fifteen minutes for the boy to speak. "They kicked me out of Gryffindor tower." He informed them. "They found out about something. Called me names and said I was no longer welcome there. They went up to my dormitory and took my stuff. They threw it outside of the portrait hole and told me to get out. Hermione and Ginny tried to stop them, but they wouldn't listen." He finished.

Severus felt bad for him, he truly did. He had endured years of torment throughout his school years, but they had never gone as far to kick him out of his own dormitory and they were Slytherins. It was even more shocking that a group of Gryffindor's would do it, expecially to the Boy Who Lived.

He mentally scolded himself for being so mean. He knew the boy didn't like to be referred to as that. "What did they find out Harry?" Remus asked him gently. Potter just shook his head no, refusing to speak about it. "Tell him or I will Potter." He threatened him. He watched as the boys eyes widened in horror at the prospect of him knowing. "B-but how do you..." "How I know isn't any concern of yours at the moment. Tell him what they found out Potter." The boy just miserably stared at him for a moment before beginning to speak.

"I'm dating Draco. I have been for almost four months now. We've been keeping it a secret from everybody because we knew what it would be like if people found out. Well tonight, after dinner, we met in the Quiddich pitch for a wile. Dean Thomas saw us kissing and told the whole tower. They called me horrible names. Called me a traitor. Told me to go join the Death Eaters. The only one's who would help me were Hermione, Jacob, and Ginny and they wouldn't listen to a word the three of them said. Even Ron turned on me. I don't know what I'm gonna do." His voice broke at the end and he buried his face in his hands again, fresh tears coming on.

Remus jumped up and walked over to Potter, pulling him into a hug. Severus just sat back and watched, thankful that Remus was there with him. He didn't know what he'd do if he was alone with Potter. Certainly not hug him. "They said it matters that I'm gay. That I'm gross. I guess they're right" He heard Potter whisper to Remus. He wanted to go smack the shit out of every single one of those Gryffindor's. He hated homophobic people. Hated them. It was never wrong to love somebody.

He jumped in surprise as Remus sprang apart from the hug and grabbed the boy by the shoulders. "Don't let me hear you say that ever again." He said roughly. "You know that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to me. It doesn't matter to the Weasley's. It doesn't matter to anybody who visited Grimmauld place the summer before Sirius died. Speaking of Sirius, how would it make him feel to hear you say that? How do you think it makes me feel? Hell, how do you think it makes Severus feel?" He stirred at hearing his own name. How dare Remus mention him. Potter didn't know about his sexual preferences. Oh wait, he'd just caught his other godfather and his Potions teacher making out in a corridor. "To hell with those people who judge you. If you love Draco and he makes you happy, then you have my blessing." Remus released him.

Severus felt Remus sit down beside him as he continued to watch the boy. He could tell he wanted to say something. "How did you know about Draco and I?" He asked him. Severus sighed. He really didn't want to have to go into this. "I saw you one night in the Owlery." He watched as the boys eyes widened, but then he looked confused. "You saw us.." He said slowly as if trying to piece something together. "You saw us and didn't bust us. You let us be." Severus felt heat rise in his cheeks. He didn't know what to say to that. He didn't want Potter to think he'd gone soft. Or Remus for that matter. He decided to ignore the boys comments. "You need to sleep for a few hours. All of us do. Come on, you can stay here for tonight." He stood up, showing Potter into the spare bedroom.

Potter looked down right shocked that he was allowing him to stay there. The boy had saved his life, it was the least he could do for him. Also, he didn't really mind Potter that much anymore. He had noticed a huge change in him over the past few months. He seemed more mature. He was respectful at all times and didn't goof off in the corridors anymore. He had become a man. War does that to people. Forces them to grow up too quickly. Changes their personalities. Hell, he was living proof. He knew he had changed. For the better.

He closed the door behind him and saw Remus standing there. "Come on let's go to bed." He watched as a hint of surprise passed over the wolfs face. Ignoring it, he turned and began walking to his bedroom, not checking to see if Remus was following him or not. He wanted Remus to stay, but he wasn't going to beg him like a puppy dog. If he wanted to stay, he would follow him. Sure enough, he had been.

Severus pulled his robes off over his head, letting them fall to the floor. He looked up and saw Remus watching him remove his clothes. Embarassed, he turned away, pulling his pants and shirt off. He turned the lights off with a flick of his wand and lay down in his boxers, waiting for Remus to join him. He felt the bed sink as Remus lay down next to him.

Severus couldn't resist sweeping him over with his eyes as he was wearing nothing except for a pair of grey boxers. He wanted to tear them off of the man, but he resisted. Something was troubling him. Something he had to ask. "So everybody knew about you and Black?" He asked, not daring to look the man in the eyes. "Quite a few people did, yes." Remus replied, obviously surprised at the question. "Oh." He said, disappointed. He was hoping that hardly anybody had known about the two of them. Then he wouldn't have to worry about Remus wanting to tell people about their relationship. If they even had one. He didn't know at this point.

Severus did know that he would be willing to start one with the wolf if he wanted it as well. He couldn't deny his feelings any longer. He didn't want to deny his feelings any longer. "I'd..I'd prefer if nobody were to know about...about us." He said, gestering between the two. He looked up, expecting him to look angry. The man had a smile on his face, though. "So there's an us now?" Shit. Why had he said us? Now Remus would feel like he had to be with him. Would feel like it was some sort of obligation or something. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. "I mean..if you want there to be." He stammered out. What the hell was wrong with him? Severus Snape didn't stammer.

He felt a hand cupping his chin as he turned his head to look into his eyes. "I have never wanted anything more in my life, Severus." At his words, Severus melted. He had never had somebody care about him like this. Not even Lily. She had loved him, no doubt, but she had never looked at him in this way before. Like he was the only thing that mattered. "I haven't either." He whispered. He truly meant those words. No one had ever intrigued him in this way. No one had ever captivated him so easily. No one had ever broken his walls down so easily. He kind of didn't like the fact that he was showing himself to Remus. He didn't want to seem soft. He didn't want to seem weak. He also didn't care at the moment.

He pulled away from the mans gaze and lay down on his side, never breaking eye contact with him. He reached his hand up and brushed Remus's bangs out of his eyes. He felt an arm slip around his waist and he leaned into the embrace. "Goodnight Sev." Why did everybody always use that as a nickname for him? Oh well, he didn't really mind it when Remus said it. He brushed his lips against the wolfs forehead. "Goodnight." He whispered as they fell asleep together, both more content then they had been in years.

Severus woke early the next morning just as the sun was beginning to rise. He had never been a late sleeper. He felt like he was missing out on things if he wasn't the first person up in the entire castle. Turning over, he couldn't help but smile at the sight of the man sleeping next to him. He looked so peaceful as he slept. One arm was underneath his head and the other had slipped off of his back as he'd turned over to look at him. The sun was shining through the window, making the man mumble in his sleep.

He couldn't help but chuckle as he recalled the first time Remus had entered his quarters during the day. The sun had been shining through one of the many windows, bright as hell. Remus had jumped back in shock as he looked at the window. "There's a window." Severus had rolled his eyes at the obvious statement before explaining to him that Dumbledore had done a form of very complicated magic, making it so the walls were higher off of the ground and the sun shone through.

He looked down at the werewolf one last time before slowly sliding out of bed, not wanting to wake him up. Severus showered and dressed in his usual black attire, deciding to make breakfast for the two of them. Actually, the three of them. He had forgotten Potter and the night before for a moment. He wondered where Minerva was going to have the boy stay now. She surely couldn't send him back to Gryffindor tower. Not after they'd kicked him out and humiliated him. He quickly scolded himself for caring as he turned back to the bacon he was frying.

He was halfway through cooking the eggs when he heard somebody stumbling quite loudly throughout the house. He hoped it wasn't Potter. He might not hate the boy anymore, but he certainly didn't want to be alone with him. The kitchen door swung open to reveal Remus looking very disheveled. His robes were hanging off of him in a weird way. His hair was stuck to his forehead and sticking up in some spots. He looked cute like that. Cute? Severus almost slapped himself as the thought ran through his mind. He didn't call anything cute. Expecially not other human beings.

"Coffee?" Remus croaked and Severus pointed at the pot on the counter, watching as Remus stumbled over to it. He looked half dead as he poured himself a cup. "He must be one of those people who can't function until they have caffeine in their system." Severus thought to himself as he watched him down two cups before pouring a third and sitting down at the table.

He finished cooking and sent the food to the table with a flick of his wand. Remus looked more alive as he sat down next to him, wondering if he should wake up Potter or not. He decided to let him sleep. He needed it after what he had experienced last night. "Oh my god this is amazing Severus." Remus informed him. He flicked his wrist as if to say that it was nothing. "No seriously. I never knew you could cook this good." The other man continued. He felt a blush creeping up his neck at the compliment. "Yeah well there's a lot you don't know about me yet." He hadn't meant to add the yet part, it had just slipped out. Hopefully Remus didn't read too much into it, but he probably would. He was a Gryffindor after all. He looked up to find Remus beaming at him. He had said the right thing for once.

They finished eating in silence. It was soon time to go to the Great Hall and at least pretend to eat something. It would appear suspicious if both Remus and himself didn't show up. "Should I go wake Harry?" Remus asked. "No let him sleep." He said, surprising himself and Remus from the look on his face. He walked Remus to the door. They had decided he would go first then Severus would wait five minutes before beginning his walk to the Great Hall. "Thank you for breakfast." "It was no problem" He muttered. The other man lay a hand on his shoulder for a moment before turning to go.

He couldn't help but feel a great wave of disappointment wash over him at not being touched in a more romantic form. "Remus." He said, making the man stop with his hand on the door knob and turn to look at him. He didn't know what made him gain the balls to do it, but he walked over to the man and kissed him. He got a weird sensation in his stomach that he couldn't explain as he kissed him back. The kiss was short, only lasting for mere seconds, but that was enough for him. "Have a nice day." Remus whispered, their foreheads touching. Before he could even reply, the man had left through the door.

Severus waited five minutes before beginning his walk to the Great Hall. He paused for a moment before pushing open the great oak doors. He began walking, his cloak billowing out from behind him, giving death glares to the younger students surrounding him. He had given up on frightening the older students as they were so used to his behavior by now. He stalked his way up to the staff table, taking a seat in between Remus and Minerva.

"Good morning Severus!" Minerva said a little too brightly for it being so early. "Morning." He grunted back to her. He grabbed some toast and poured himself a cup of tea, still full from a few minutes ago. Remus, he noted, was eating a full plate of eggs. Did he have a bottomless pit for a stomach? He caught the mans eye, willing himself not to smile. He broke eye contact to scan the Slytherin table. Draco wasn't there yet. He really hoped the Gryffindors wouldn't make a scene when he showed up.

Sure enough, his worst fears were confirmed a few moments later as Draco entered the hall. He hadn't taken two steps before Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnagan, and Ron Weasley had stood up. "Oy!" The Weasley boy called over to the Slytherin table. They all turned to look at him. Some in shock and some in disgust. "Did you know Malfoy's fucking Potter?" Severus watched as their eyes widened and they turned to stare at Draco. He heard a gasp from Minerva on his left and felt Remus digging his nails into his thigh on his right.

Draco had frozen and was now looking back and forth between the two tables, waiting to see what would come next. "That's fucking disgusting." Pansy Parkinson called out. He doubted she really thought that, seeing as he had heard rumors of her having sex with an older Ravenclaw girl a few years back. The little bitch was just jealous that Draco didn't want her.

"Traitor!" "Faggot." "Don't bother coming back to the common room!" People were yelling so many things at him. Severus watched as Draco turned and fled the hall. Not caring that people were staring at the two of them, Remus and Severus both jumped up and began walking toward the exit. "50 POINTS FROM SLYTHERIN AND GRYFFINDOR!" He yelled as he stomped past the two tables and out the door.

They spotted Draco beginning to climb the staircase, heading toward Gryffindor tower he assumed. "Draco!" He called out. The boy stopped dead in his tracks, glaring at him. He hadn't expected anything less. The boy probably thought he was there to scold him. To belittle him. To make fun of him even. "Come with me." He ordered him. Remus was already walking toward the dungeons and was long gone by the time he convinced Draco to come with him.

By the time they arrived, Potter was already standing in the living room. "Draco!" He called as he ran forward and flung himself at the boy. He immediately broke down into tears and began telling Draco everything that had happened the previous night. "Those bastards! I'll fucking kill them. Just wait till I get my hands on them!" He released Potter and tried to make his way through the door. "You will do no such thing Draco." Severus told him, coming to stand in front of the door. "Go sit in the living room." He ordered and watched as he came to sit next to Potter, taking him in his arms again.

Severus quickly made the four of them tea as he came to sit in the armchair next to Remus. "What's he doing here?" Draco suddenly asked as if noticing him for the first time. Severus opened his mouth to answer, but shut it again as he saw Potter whispering in his ear. "So are you two together?" He asked. What the fuck had Potter told him? He didn't want to know. He just hoped it wasn't far from the truth. Remus turned to look at him, silently asking him if it was alright for him to tell them the truth. He nodded in confirmation. "Yes we are." Remus answered for him. He waited for the boys to make a comment or protest. They didn't, though. Just stared at them for a moment before nodding.

He cleared his throat so they all turned their attention to him. "I would appreciate it if you kept this to yourselves." He would appreciate it? What the hell was wrong with him? He should be scaring the shit out of them right now, telling them he would skin them alive if they told a single soul. "We will." They promised and Severus believed them. After all, they had kept their own relationship a secret for months. They knew the importance of it, expecially after what had happened in the past twelve hours.

"I'm going to go to Minervas office and see what can be done about their living arrangements." Remus informed him. He nodded and watched as Remus exited the room, wondering why the hell he didn't just use the Floo. The minutes crept on and he made conversation with the two boys. They weren't actually that bad to talk to when they were being their true selves, not the image they had to maintain. Remus was soon back, the headmistress following behind him.

"So we've came to two different options." Remus stated, wasting no time in getting down to business. "One, they can lie." Lie? What the hell was he talking about? Dean Thomas had caught them kissing by the Quiddich pitch. It was pretty obvious they were together. "They can each tell their houses that they were leading each other on. Harry could say he wanted to break Draco's heart to get back at him for his parent's actions and Draco could say he wanted to break Harry's heart to get back at him for his parent's being in Azkaban." What kind of a plan was that? A stupid one. A very stupid one at that. He obviously wasn't the only one to think so as he heard the two boys begin to protest. "No way in hell." Draco said, slipping his arm tightly around Potter's waist as Potter nodded in agreement.

Severus had to agree with what Draco said. That was a bullshit plan. The two would be even more miserable than before. They would also have to end their relationship. He hated to admit it, but he could tell they were in love. He waited patiently for the next option, hoping it was a much better one. "The other option is that you two would live here, with Severus." No such luck.


	8. Chapter 8

Hell had surely frozen over. Severus was currently watching Draco and Potter drag their belongings into their room. It had taken some persuading, but he had finally agreed to let them stay with him. He knew they didn't have anywhere else to go and he would have felt terrible if they had ended up resorting to that first ridiculous option that Remus had laid out.

Why the hell either of them had came up with that idea, he would never know. Even Severus didn't have the heart to watch the two boys suffer as they would have if they would have had to go through with it. They obviously needed each other. More than ever now that their secret had been revealed and nobody was speaking to them.

Another reason he wouldn't tear them apart like that was because the way they were being treated reminded him very much of his school days and he wouldn't wish for anyone to go through that alone. Except maybe the people who had caused it, but they were all dead. They had ended up worse off than he had, though. Potter had been murdered by the Dark Lord. Black sent to Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit, forced into hiding for years, and murdered by his own cousin. Pettigrew living as a rat for years before being choked to death.

They had paid their dues. Except for one. One was still out there. One had never gotten paid back for his actions. No. He couldn't think like this. Remus was a completely different person nowdays. Remus had never tormented him much to begin with . That was mostly Black and Potter's doing. If he was going to dwell over the past, he should have done it before starting a relationship with someone from his past.

"We are NOT making the walls that color." "Oh come on please Dray." "Fine but I pick what the bed covers look like." "Fine!"

Severus sat there listening to the two bickering, wondering what the hell he had gotten himself in to by taking in two emotional, horny, trouble making seventeen year old's. They were now arguing over who got what side of the closet. He would have been better off giving them separate rooms, but he had agreed to let them share a room together. After all, they were both seventeen. They could both decide what they wanted now and nobody could do anything about it according to the law. Before agreeing to let them share the room, he had drilled a few rules into their heads. The number one rule being that if they were going to have sex, to have enough sense to use a silencing charm or he would murder them alive.

He blanched at the thought and returned to grading paper's. Minerva had insisted that the three of them take the day off from classes. He didn't know why this rule applied to him, though. He wasn't currently suffering from any emotional trauma and last time he checked someone would rather hex themselves into the next century then make fun of him.

It was barely half past ten and he was already bored to death, having nearly finished grading. He wished that Remus could have taken the day off too. He hated to admit it even to himself, but he missed the other man already even though he had barely been gone for two hours. He was starting to think that he really was going soft.

He had just finished his grading as the bell rang, signaling lunch. He put his papers aside and walked down the short hallway to the boys room, knocking at the door. "Come in!" He heard Potter yell and he couldn't help but burst into laughter as he opened the door. Draco and Potter stared at him in shock at his laughter, but he couldn't control himself. He now understood what they had been arguing about so much.

The wall he was facing was silver with green stripes as was the wall behind him. The walls to his left and right were painted red with gold stripes on them. The wall to his left with the red and gold stripes had a huge poster of the Chudley Cannons Quiddich team and a poster of Chad Mangford, the Weird Sisters drummer. The wall directly in front of him had a moving poster of the Bulgarian National Quiddich team and a picture of a Muggle actor he recognized from this ridiculous movie/book series his younger Slytherin girls loved. Something about a Muggle girl who falls in love with a Muggle vampire and makes friends with a Muggle wolf pack. The things these Muggles came up with were ridiculous.

Even funnier was the bed. One pillow was red with a huge gold lion on it, while the other was green with a black snake on it. The comforter was seriously half red and half green. He didn't even want to know what the two had done to the sheets. It seemed as if the only thing they had agreed on was the giant rug with a Snitch on it that they had placed in the middle of the two boys couldn't be more different from each other.

He finally got his laughter under control and was glad to see that they had stopped staring at him in shock. "Really Draco?" He couldn't help but ask, pointing to the poster of the Muggle. "What about it?" Draco asked defensively. "Oh nothing." He smirked. "You probably secretly fancy him too." "Not in the slightest." He said truthfully. "I am rather fond of that one, though." He admitted, pointing to the Chad Mangford poster. "No way." Potter said as Draco wrinkled his nose. "Yes way." He told them. He almost turned to go, but then he remembered his reason for coming in there in the first place. "In case you didn't hear the bell over your bickering, it's time for lunch." He began walking out of the room, intending to go to the Great Hall. "Wait!" He was suprised to hear Potter calling him back.

He turned around and stared at the two boys. "Would you please walk with us?" Potter asked, looking embaressed. Was he actually looking to him for protection? Him of all people who had embaressed him in front of his peers hundreds of times over the years? He was shocked, but didn't let it show as he nodded. The two followed him out rather timidly.

They got plenty of glares on the walk there, but no one dared to say anything with the scary greasy git of the dungeons walking with them. He watched every eye turn to them as they entered the Great Hall. No one said a word to the two boys, but he heard people whispering rather loudly as they passed. He walked with the two until they reached the end of the Gryffindor table where they sat as close to the staff table as they could.

He looked up at the staff table for the first time, happy to see Remus sitting there, a spot saved next to him. "How's it going with the boys?" Remus asked him as soon as he sat down. Severus opened his mouth to complain, as usual, but shut it again as he realized he had nothing to complain about. They actually weren't annoying him to death for once. "Just wait until you see what they've done to their room." He finally said, earning a chuckle from Remus. "I can only imagine." Severus paused for a moment to spoon some potatoes and some chicken salad onto his plate. "Lets just say it's more horrifying then the thought of Minerva in her underwear." Something was definately wrong with him due to the fact that he had just made a joke. He didn't joke about anything unless he was extremely drunk.

He glanced at Remus and that was all it took for them to both burst out in laughter. He was aware of the staff as well as a couple of students were staring at him in utter shock. Severus Snape was laughing. Not chuckling, like they had seen him do on very rare occasions. Actually laughing his ass off with Remus Lupin, his sworn enemy.

His laughter was intstantly quelled as he saw Weasley approaching where Potter and Draco were sitting. They began arguing and both of the boys stood up, drawing everyone's attention. "Fuck off." Draco told Weasley who then shoved Draco in the chest, sending him flying backwards. He quickly cast a shield charm between the two boys and Weasley, but not before Potter punched Weasley square in the face. A few Gryffindors started to stand up, but Remus and himself were quicker.

They both hurried down to the scene, each grabbing one of the boys and sweeping them out of the Great Hall. "Twenty Points from Gryffindor." He muttered as they passed the Gryffindor table, pleased to see that Weasley had blood pouring from his nose. It was broken, no doubt. He began to climb the steps to the dungeons, looking down at who he had ahold of. It was Potter and he wasn't surprised to see him looking more angry than he'd ever seen him.

Severus knew that if he ever saw anyone touch Remus like that, they wouldn't live to tell the tale. "Nice hit Potter." He heard himself say. "Thanks sir." Potter replied, looking surprised that he wasn't about to get beaten to death for his actions. Severus couldn't begin to express how glad he was that Draco had found someone who truly seemed to care about him and would protect him. Even if it was Potter.

The four of them spent the rest of the day inside his quarters. Remus only leaving to teach his fifth year O.W.L. class and his second year class. He was glad when the man finally returned, having endured three hours of Draco and Potter playing loud games of Wizard's Chess and Exploding Snap. "Go do your homework!" He growled at them as they scurried off into the kitchen.

Remus sat down next to him, chuckling softly to himself. "Already driving you crazy?" He asked. "Yes." He replied, sounding more cold than he had intended to. Remus didn't seem to notice or care. "That's kids for you." He stated, chuckling to himself again. "Aren't you glad you never had any of your own?"

Severus didn't quite know how to reply to that question. The correct answer would have been yes, but it would have also been a lie. He had always wanted his own kids, but after Lily had died, he had never been with anybody for long enough to even consider having kids with them. It pained him deeply inside that he was thirty six years old, had been single until less than twenty four hours ago, and had no children.

As much as he hated to admit it, that was the kind of life he had wanted for himself if he would have gotten the chance. He was ashamed of the way his life had turned out and would give the world to do it over again. He could have said yes to Remus's question, but he didn't. "I actually wish I would have." He said, being completely honest for once.

He saw the other mans eyes widen in surprise. "Why didn't you?" Oh god. He had been hoping he didn't ask that question. "The life I led until a year ago wasn't...suitable for children." He swallowed hard, buried emotions coming up once again. "I also never found anybody worthy of having children with." Remus nodded in silent understanding and he knew that he could see the raw emotion in his eyes.

He was supurb at mastering that cold stare, but for once, he couldn't do it. "Are you ashamed?" Remus asked him. "Of the life you've led." Before answering him, Severus searched the other mans warm amber eyes with his cold black ones. He found nothing but absolute sympathy and understanding in them. "Yes." He finally admitted, closing his eyes as his emotions threatened to crash down on him.

He felt arms snaking around his waist and he didn't push them off. Any other time he probably would have. He may care for the other man deeply, but he didn't like to cuddle with anyone. An arm wrapped around his waist as he slept was about all he could handle. There was just something awkward about the whole situation. But just this one time, he didn't care.

It somehow wasn't awkward, nor was it bothering him. Taking a deep breath to try to calm down, he allowed himself to lean against the wolf, burying his face in his robes. He inhaled deeply, taking in the cinnamon and rose scent that always lingered on him. It calmed him almost immediately and he was no longer on the verge of tears.

Still, he didn't move. He didn't want to move. He sighed contently as Remus began rubbing circles on his back, his stomach getting that unfamiliar feeling at his touch. He couldn't even begin to describe how nice it felt to just be held for once. He was content on staying like this for as long as the other man would allow it.

He must have drifted into sleep because he awoke to giggles over the two of them. Cracking his eyes open an inch he saw that Remus had fallen asleep as well and seemed to be sleeping through the annoying giggles. He should gave gotten up immediately, knowing the two were probably giggling at them, but he still had his arms around him and he really didn't want to wake him up. Or lose the feeling he was getting at the other mans touch.

"Should we wake them?" He heard Potter ask Draco in a loud whisper. "Yeah. I'll do it." The other answered and he could feel him creeping forward. Cracking his eyes open again, he saw the boys finger coming at him. "Poke me and it will be the last thing you use that finger for." He said suddenly, making the two boys jump.

It seemed to have woken Remus as well who was looking around groggily. "Go back to sleep Rem." Rem? Where the fuck had that came from? He had never once used a nickname for anybody. "It's just these idiots making noise." He finished, hoping the werewolf wouldn't comment on the nickname he had just called him. He didn't, just stretched and smiled at him. "No don't go back to sleep. We made dinner." Draco informed them.

Severus's eyes grew wide and he immediately jumped up, striding to the kitchen to see what they had destroyed. He was surprised to find nothing out of the ordinary and a rather good looking meal sitting on the table. Potter must have done most of it. He knew for a fact that Draco had never so much as turned an oven on, let alone used one. The others had followed and were now looking down at him curiously. "Er. Let's eat." He said, taking a seat at the table. The others sat down and began dishing out food. He took a bite of his roasted chicken and was surprised to find that it was probably the best chicken he'd ever had.

"Where in the world did you learn how to cook like this?" He asked, looking at Potter. The boy looked quite uncomfortable at his asking and he couldn't imagine why. What he had just said was a huge compliment coming from him. "Oh you know, helping my Aunt in the kitchen and such." He shrugged, becoming very interested in his pasta. There was something off about his behavior, but he didn't question it as they finished eating their meal and the boys went to their bedroom, leaving just Remus and himself sitting in the living room.

They sat in silence for awile, sipping on glasses of red wine. He didn't have a problem with just sitting in silence with the other man. There was nothing awkward about it. It was peaceful and what he needed after the stressful day he'd had. At half past ten, Remus stood up and began fastening his cloak. "I should be getting back to my quarters soon. I still have a few papers to grade before I go to bed." Severus nodded his head, secretly wishing that he didn't have to go.

He thought about asking him to stay, but he knew that it would be really obvious if Remus appeared from the dungeons for the second day in a row. He almost wished that they could be open about their relationship, but he knew people would be prejudiced against them because of his past as a Death Eater. He walked Remus to the door, regretting his departure. "Good night Remus." He said, laying his hand on his waist. He still wasn't quite sure how to go about touching the other man and he didn't want to make a fool out of himself.

He looked into Remus's amber eyes as he leaned forward. Did he want to kiss him? He couldn't tell at all. Why were relationships so confusing? He leaned forward until his lips were barely a cenimeter away from Remus's. A hand cupped his chin and he almost flinched at the sudden touch, but managed to control himself. Not breaking eye contact, Remus leaned down and kissed him. "Good night Severus." He said, letting his lips brush against him. He stared at him for a moment longer before pulling away and disappearing through the door.


	9. Chapter 9

It was five days later and people were now acting as if the Potter-Malfoy scandal had never happened. The first few days after it had happened, they had been tormented to no end. Severus recalled the first day they were back in classes and had been brewing an acne potion. Potter's had turned bright pink (the correct color) while everyone else's had turned out to be a light red or orange color.

He had been walking around examining the potions when Goyle had suddenly called out. "Why's Potter's potion pink?" Before he could open his mouth, Weasley had spoken out. "Cause he's a fairy." He wasn't particularly shocked at Weasley's comment, but he was shocked as the Slytherin's laughed along with the Gryffindor's.

"Leave him alone!" Granger had called out over the laughter. "Leave them both alone!" It seemed that Potter had at least one friend left in the world. And Draco too as the girl was standing up for him as well. It was all so weird.

He missed the days when he hated Potter and the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's were at each others throats, not ganging up on two people from either house and laughing together. "You'd do well to listen to Miss Granger." He had informed the class. They still didn't shut up at his comment. Was he losing his touch or were they just full of confidence all of a sudden? "The next person who makes a comment will earn a months detention!" That had shut them up all right. There hadn't been an incident in his class since and the boys had just now informed him that people were now simply pretending they didn't exist.

They were interrupted from their conversation as a knock sounded on the door. Who could that be? The only person who ever came down there besides the three of them was Remus and he didn't knock anymore, just flung the door open. He opened the door and saw Granger pacing in front of it. "Yes?" He asked, knowing exactly why she was here. "Um I was wondering if I could maybe see Harry and Draco for a wile Professor." She looked at him nervously. "I suppose." Was his clipped response.

He was secretly glad she had came. He didn't want the two boys to be friendless and the girl at least acted her age, unlike Potter's other friends. He showed her to the sitting room, resuming his seat by the fire. They stared at him for a moment and he stared right back. He wasn't going to remove himself just because the girl had shown up. "Hermione!" Potter yelled when he saw her. He jumped up and she flung herself on him. "I'm so sorry." She muttered. "For what?" Potter frowned, releasing her and sprawling out on the couch with Draco as she sat timidly on the remaining armchair.

"Not being able to stop them from doing what they did and for not coming to see you sooner. I've been so busy with all my N.E.W.T classes and with Ron constantly complaining about you two." Severus saw the two boys share a look and knew what they were going to ask next before it even came out. "What's Weasel been saying about us?" Draco asked her. "Just constantly making sexual comments and calling Harry a traitor. He said he doesn't care if Harry's gay, he just cares if he's with you." Severus glanced at Draco and could see the hurt in his eyes as he began to speak again. "Did he ask you if you knew about us?" He asked her.

Had she known? She didn't seem that surprised at the two of them dating, but she was a very forgiving person, so who knew. Granger nodded as she began speaking again. "I told him I did and he broke up with me." He heard the two of them gasp and was surprised as he did so himself. "Asshole." He muttered. He had obviously said it louder than he had intended as he heard the three of them laugh. "If he's going to be that way then I don't want to be with him anyway." She stated before changing the subject.

He sat there listening to the three of them talk for the next hour, occasionally contributing to the conversation. They all stopped talking abruptly as Remus burst through the door. Severus could tell immediately that something was wrong by the look on his face. He jumped up and swept across the room, ignoring the curious look Granger gave him. "What's wrong?" He whispered. "Let's sit down." He said, his voice distant. He didn't like the way the wolf was acting. He didn't like it at all. "What's wrong Remus?" Granger asked him as he began pacing the living room. Severus came and sat back down in his arm chair, waiting to find out what was going on.

"The Order wants me to spy for them." He said. Spy? Who was there left to spy on now that the Dark Lord was dead and most of the Death Eaters were locked up in Azkaban or dead? "They want to round up the remaining Death Eaters, starting with Greyback and his followers. They want me to set out tonight, in my wolf form, to try to find his pack and lure them out of hiding." Severus jumped out of his chair, making everyone jump. "No." He said, shaking his head. "Your not going." That was a dangerous job. He wouldn't lose another person he cared about. He couldn't lose another person he cared about. It just might kill him this time around.

He glanced at the three teenagers sitting on the couch. Granger was looking back in forth between the two, looking confused. Potter was just staring at Remus, looking sick. And Draco was staring into space, looking thoughtful about something. "Severus." Remus said quietly, but was cut off before he could finish. "I think it's a good idea." Everyone slowly turned to stare at Draco.

He had a feeling they were all remembering that he was the son of two Death Eaters at that moment. "What? Don't look at me like that. Greyback and his followers don't need to go around biting anymore children. Isn't he the one who bit Remus? I'm sure he wants him stopped too." He switched his gaze back to Remus who was nodding in agreement. "I have to go." He said more to him than the other three. He could tell by his face that the decision was final. He wasn't going to change his mind no matter what he said to him.

Overcome by emotion and not giving a damn that Granger was in the room or that he had barely showed Remus affection in front of the two boys, he strode across the room and flung himself at Remus. Remus stumbled for a moment before hugging him back, his arms tight around his waist. Severus kept his arms tightly wound around his neck, burying his face in his neck. He inhaled the scent that was Remus and felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes.

He pulled back an inch to look Remus in the eyes, knowing how vulnerable he currently looked. "I can't lose you." He whispered, unable to control himself any longer as a stray tear made its way out of his eyes. "You won't." Remus whispered back, wiping the tears away with his fingers. "Promise me that you'll come back." He knew it sounded stupid. There was no way that Remus could promise him that nothing would happen. "I promise." Still, he somehow felt a little better at the other mans words.

Remus let go of him and lifted his hands to his neck, removing a chain and fastening it around his neck instead. Severus couldn't help but smile as he looked down at it. It was a silver chain with a tiny wolf carving hanging off of it. He closed his eyes as the other man pulled him back into a tight embrace. He leaned forward, seeking out his lips. He was met halfway and Severus hitched his breath as they kissed. The wolf had poured every emotion the both of them were feeling and more into the kiss, literally knocking the wind out of him.

They broke apart after what seemed like years and Remus went to stand in front of the fireplace. "I'm going to Floo back to headquarters before I go to tell them I've accepted the mission." Potter got out of his seat and gave Remus a hug, making him promise to be careful. Granger hugged him next, lecturing him about not being gone for days and making them worry. Severus had to agree with her. He knew he was going to worry himself sick waiting for him to get back. Even Draco came forward and clasped the man on the shoulder, telling him to "Get the bastards." He just rolled his eyes and shook his head at the boys lovely use of words. Remus threw the Floo powder in and turned back to him for a moment. "Be careful." He told him, hoping he would listen. "I will." He said, pressing his lips to his forehead for a long moment before disappearing through the Floo.

There was silence for a moment. "I better get back. It's almost curfew." Granger said, standing up. The boys bid her goodbye and she left, the door swinging shut behind her. It was then that he remembered his actions for the past ten minutes. He had kissed Remus in front of Granger. They were supposed to be keeping them a secret. She was friends with the Gryffindors who had tormented Draco and Potter. The whole school would know by tomorrow. "She won't say anything you know." Potter said suddenly. "Yeah?" The boy nodded his head. "She won't. She's not like that. She doesn't tell other people's business without their permission."

Severus was greatful for that. One less thing that he'd have to worry about for the next few days. "Sounds like you've got yourself a good friend there." He muttered, burying his hands in his face. Potter was silent for a long moment. "Accio drinking glasses. Accio Firewhiskey." Severus looked up as the objects came zooming through the air and landed gracefully on the table. He wondered when the boys magic had gotten better. Last time he had seen him summon something to drink, it had smashed all over the table.

He watched as Draco began pouring the three of them glasses. He thought about taking it away from them, but decided against it. They were seventeen and it wasn't a school night. As long as they didn't get drunk and act like idiots, he didn't care. They sat there for a wile, drinking and staring into the fire. The boys didn't try to engage him in conversation and he was glad. He wasn't in the mood to talk about anything. After what felt like hours, he finally excused himself to go to bed early.

As hard as he tried, sleep wouldn't come. He tossed and turned all night long. He was thinking about Remus. Wondering if he was okay. Wondering when he would be back. If he would be back. No. He couldn't think like that. Remus would be back for sure. Sooner then he knew it. He refused to have it any other way.

Around three in the morning he couldn't take it anymore and stalked into the living room to find something to do. He was surprised to find Potter lying shirtless on the couch, sipping on a glass of Firewhiskey and staring at the fire. He came and sat down in an armchair, making him jump at the sudden movement.. "What are you doing out here?" He asked seeing as the boy had his ridiculous Gryffindor pillow and a white bed sheet with him. "Draco kicked me out here." He mumbled.

What reason could they be fighting over? Sure, they were constantly bickering at each other, but he had never once seen them get in a real fight. One big enough for Potter to be kicked out onto the couch. "What are you two bickering over now?" He asked. "We weren't bickering. We're fighting." Potter stated. Severus rolled his eyes and willed himself not to snap at him. "Fine. Why are you two fighting?" He hadn't been expecting to see a blush creeping onto Potter's cheeks after he asked.

"We were um..about to..you know." The boy said sheepishly. "If your mature enough to have sex then your mature enough to use the word." He told him rather harshly. "Fine. We were about to have sex. The light was on, which it never has been before, and he pulled my shirt off. He um saw something and wanted to know about it. When I wouldn't answer him he kicked me out here." Severus knew exactly what Draco had seen on the boy and didn't blame him for asking about it. He had been curious as to what exactly had caused the whip like scars on his back ever since that day at Grimmauld Place. "Show me." He said quietly. Potter looked at him as if he'd grown two heads. "Show me your back." He stared at him for a moment before setting his glass down on the table and standing up, his back to him.

Severus gasped as he looked at his back. He had thought it had been bad when he'd seen him a few years ago, but it was worse. Across the bottom of his back in huge letters was "FREAK". He felt himself grow angry as the boy sat back down and looked at him. "Who did this to you Harry?" He asked as gentle as he could considering how pissed he was. "I did." He whispered. Surely he didn't mean what he thought he did. He wouldn't hurt himself like that or would he? He hardly knew the boy, so he really couldn't tell. "Legilimency." He whispered. He understood at once what the boy wanted him to do. He was reluctant to do so, not wanting to regret what he saw. "Are you sure?" He asked. "Yes."

"Legilimens"

He could tell the memory was from the summer before his sixth year because that's when he had tried to grow those ridiculous side burns. He remembered snickering as the boy walked into the kitchen at Grimmauld place. In the memory, all he could see was darkness. Where was Potter at? A flashlight suddenly came on and he could see Potter lying on a tiny mattress in what looked like...a cupboard? What the hell was the boy doing in a cupboard? He turned his attention back to the boy and saw that he was trying to do homework. He looked at the watch on the boys wrist and saw that it read three am. Why was he doing his homework in the dead of night?

A thud sounded from outside the cupboard and Potter turned the flashlight off, the book disappearing underneath his pillow. Light flooded the cupboard as a beefy looking man appeared in the doorway. "What are you doing boy?" He asked. "Nothing Uncle Vernon." The beefy man snorted. "I heard the scratching of a- of those things you lot use to write with. Where the hell are you hiding it!" The man boomed, jerking the boy from his lying down position and tossing him into the wall. The man searched the bed, finding his Charms book, parchment, ink, and quill underneath the pillow. He also produced a handful of stale chips and what looked like a piece of bread. "BEEN SNEAKING AROUND THE HOUSE HAVE YOU BOY!" The boy looked absolutely terrified at this point and Severus didn't see what the big deal was. "Please. I was so hungry. I haven't had food in almost a week."

This seemed to piss the man off even more as he slapped Potter across the jaw. The boy didn't so much as flinch, just rubbed at his jaw, glaring at his uncle. "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN TOLD THAT YOUR NOT TO USE ANYTHING FROM YOUR FREAK WORD WHILE YOUR HERE BOY?" The other man roared, holding up his Charms book and flinging it across the cupboard. Potter didn't reply and the other man left the room, leaving the door hanging wide open. He was back in a flash, a large razor blade in his hand.

He wasn't going to use that on Potter, was he? Potter seemed to be wondering the same thing as he stared at him in horror. The man pushed him onto the bed, ripping off his shirt in the process and pinning him down on his stomach. He pushed the blade into his skin, carving the letter F. "What are you boy?" The boy didn't answer. His uncle slapped him in the head. "I said what are you boy?" "A freak." The man smiled, seeming pleased at his answer. "What do you deserve?" He asked, carving an R into his flesh. "Nothing." He saw Potters face screwing up in pain as blood trickled down his back. "Why is that boy?" He asked, carving an E. "Because I'm a freak." "And what about your parents? What were they?" He carved an A into the boys skin. "Freaks." Harry whispered. "That's right boy. It's a damn good thing they went and got themselves murdered by that man. Only one of your lot who seems to have any sense. Hopefully you'll be next." He said, carving the final letter into his back.

He looked at Harry and saw tears streaming down his cheeks. His uncle didn't seem to notice as he stood up and slammed the door shut behind him. He heard a lock click from the outside. "No food for a week." His uncle said, walking away.

Severus just stared at the boy, speechless. He couldn't believe what the fucking animal had done to him. He was all for spanking children and sending them to bed without dinner if they misbehaved, but he wouldn't tolerate actual abuse. He had experienced that enough in his childhood to know what it felt like. No wonder Harry never went home for the holiday's. They probably would have locked him up and refused to let him return.

He glanced over to see that Harry was sitting up on the couch, crying silently. "Do you want me to go wake Draco?" He asked. He shook his head no and downed the rest of his Firewhiskey. He couldn't watch him cry like this. He had to comfort him somehow. Slowly, he stood up and walked over to the couch, sitting down next to him. "Harry." That got his attention all right. He had never called him anything but Potter. "This isn't your fault. You know your not what they called you, right?" Harry just shook his head no, tears slipping down his cheeks.

Slowly, he slipped an arm around the boys shoulders to comfort him. He almost jumped back in shock as Harry leaned against his shoulder, burying his face in his robes. He allowed him to sit like that for over an hour, letting him calm down. He looked down to see that the Harry had fallen asleep. When had he became Harry to him? He didn't know, but he didn't have a problem with calling him by his given name any longer. He felt sorry for him. He'd never had anybody to properly love him.

Albus had loved him, but he couldn't show him as much as he'd have liked to because he was always so busy. Black had loved him as well, but there time together had been short. Too short. Draco loved him, but it was a different kind of love. What the boy needed the most was a father. Severus knew what it felt like to not have a father at the age of seventeen. It felt awful. He wished his own childhood could have been different as well.

As carefully as he could, he moved Harry off of him so he was laying down. He covered him in the thin sheet and summoned a blanket from his room, covering him in that as well. Finally, he removed the boys glasses and lay them on the table before retreating to his armchair. He knew there was no way he was getting any sleep tonight. He was so worried about Remus. He felt stupid at how attached he was to the werewolf. They hadn't been together for very long at all. He couldn't help his feelings, though. He never wanted Remus to leave his side.

He woke to sunlight streaming through the windows and hushed vocies in the hallway. He must have fallen asleep sitting in the chair. Severus moved his neck and almost yelped in pain. He had slept on it wrong. Checking his watch, he saw that it was half past seven. How he had managed to sleep for two and a half hours in that chair, he would never know. He got out of his chair and began walking down the hallway. Severus glanced in the boys room as he walked past and couldn't help but smile at what he saw. Harry had one of Draco's shoes over his head and was refusing to give it back to him. The other boy was jumping for it, but he wasn't tall enough. It looked as if they had made up.

Quickly, he brushed his teeth, washed his face, changed his clothes, and combed his hair. "Come on breakfast started ten minutes ago." He called as he walked down the hallway. The two boys scrambled up and somehow managed to get to the door before him. He rolled his eyes at their energy and followed them down to the Great Hall. He was surprised to see Draco take Harry's hand just before they opened the doors. They hadn't shown each other any affection in public as far as he knew. Probably for fear of what people would do about it.

They walked hand in hand down the rows, earning tons of stares. Severus kept right behind them. Nobody would mess with them as long as he was around. Their paths were suddenly blocked by a group of Hufflepuff's. Hannah Abbott, Ernie Macmillan, Susan Bones, Justin Finch- Fletchley, and Zacharias Smith. The two groups just stared at each other for a moment. Ernie Macmillan finally spoke up. "We just wanted to tell you that we don't care if you two are together. You've never done anything wrong to us and we support you. Your welcome to come sit at our table any time you want." He looked around, aware that everybody in the Great Hall was watching the exchange with interest. "Thank you. It means a lot that somebody is finally on our side." Draco said.

Severus walked away from the group now that he was aware a fight wasn't going to break out. Taking a seat at the staff table, he wasn't surprised to see the pair taking a seat at the Hufflepuff table and engaging in conversation with the other seventh years. "Well it looks as if some people are finally comin ter their senses." Hagrid observed. He nodded in agreement, glad that they finally had some people on their side.

"You look terrible Severus." Minerva said on his left. "Didn't you get any sleep at all last night?" How could she tell? It wasn't as if he was dead on his feet. "Hardly." He said, pouring a cup of coffee with lots of sugar in it. "Whatever is troubling you?" She asked. He didn't know what to reply to that. He couldn't very well admit that he missed Lupin and wanted him by his side again. "The orders newest mission." He allowed himself to say. Minerva knew that he and Remus were friends, so it was okay to say that much. "Oooh." She said, a knowing look in her eyes. Did everybody know more about their relationship then they let on?

He didn't say another word, just fingered the necklace Remus had placed on him underneath his robes. He hoped the other man was alright.

Severus was a complete wreck over the next week and a half. He hadn't heard a scrap of news from Remus. He could tell that even some of the Order members were beginning to worry at the meetings that took place in his absence. He was so worried that he didn't even bother to scream and give people detentions for no reason any longer. Every day he would sweep into his classroom, tell the students what potion they were going to be making, then sit back until the end of class where he'd taken to dismissing them a few minutes early every day. They probably thought that he was being impersonated due to the way he was acting.

Draco and Harry helped with his mood a bit, forcing him to engage in games of Wizard's Chess at night. They also kept his mind of of it a bit, talking to him about how they had spent the summer together in Greece. Telling him of all the rules they had broken throughout their years living in the castle. He would have murdered them alive if he would have caught them doing half the things they told him about. Drinking in the common rooms, creeping through the restricted section, skinny dipping in the lake in the middle of the night, brewing Polyjuice Potion in the bathroom.

They kept him sane during this time. It was different when he was alone. He still couldn't sleep at night as he thought of Remus. He had even gone up to his quarters and slept in his bed one night, creeping back down to the dungeons early the next morning. He missed the scent that always lingered on the other man. He missed his smile. Longed for his touch. He was starting to think he would never see him again. The mission should not have taken this long. It was just after midnight on the tenth day that Remus had been gone and Severus was on his way outside. He couldn't sleep, once again.

He walked outside, drawing his cloak around himself as the chilly air hit him. He began walking down to the Black Lake, looking at the stars as he went. It was clear out and he could see the constellation Lupus, making him miss the wolf even more. He didn't look away from the constellation as he sat down on the dock of the lake. He was lost in thought so he jumped about a mile as a voice sounded behind him. "I'm sure he's alright." It was Minerva's voice and she was talking about Remus. He didn't so much as look back at her as he replied. "How do you know?" He asked, not even trying to deny that he was worried about the other man. "If anything really bad would have happened, the Death Eaters would have let it be known."

He didn't reply, just shut his eyes and let the wind ruffle his hair. "I know you miss him, but you can't tear yourself up over it. I can tell that you've barely been sleeping and everyone has noticed how little you've been eating at meals." He felt her sit down next to him as he withdrew the necklace from underneath his robes, running his fingers over the tiny wolf figure. He glanced up and caught her staring at the necklace. "He must really care for you." She said. "I don't know what your-" He started to say, but was cut off. "You don't have to keep this act up around me, Severus. I know your in a relationship. I see the way you two look at each other. One has to be a fool to miss it. I pass no judgement. Nor would the other members of the staff if they knew. Why are you trying to hide it?"

He blinked, having just absorbed every word she said. She knew about them and she didn't care. He had assumed she would be one of the ones who would judge Remus for being with a man like him. "I'm afraid of what people will think about a man like Remus being with a man like me. I'm an ex Death Eater. I'm known for being alone. I'm a Slytherin. And people know that I didn't get along with Remus and his friends during school. I'm afraid if they knew. That they'd-That they'd try to push him away from me." He finished, feeling a lump rising in his throat. He couldn't stand the thought of losing Remus for that reason.

"I highly doubt that people would try to push him away from you. And if that were to become the case, do you honestly think that Remus would allow it? I stand by what I said before, he really cares about you, Severus." Did Remus really care about him? Sure they were together and sure they had grown close, but did he care about him as he had cared for Black? He highly doubted it. "How do you know?" He asked. She pointed at his necklace. "Because he let me wear his necklace?" He snorted.

Minerva shook her head. "That's not just any necklace. His father carved it for him right before he died. Remus told me at the funeral. He wouldn't let you wear that if he didn't care a great amount for you." She finished, standing up. "Come on now, you need to get back in the castle before you catch a cold!" He scowled at her, but followed her anyways, a million thoughts running through his head.

Why the hell would Remus let him wear his father's necklace? He had never seen Black wearing the necklace. They were together for two years at the very least. He had loved Black a great deal, there was no doubt about that. He could see it in his eyes everytime he talked about him. So why would he give him the necklace, but not his love? Not only did the man have him worried half to death, but now he had him confused as hell. Idiot Gryffindor.


	10. Chapter 10

It had been sixteen days since the wolf's departure and not a single person had heard a scrap of news about his wherabouts. He was starting to grow restless. This wasn't normal. Something had to have happened to him. There was no other explanation. He hadn't slept a wink in three days and was now refusing meals. He couldn't sleep knowing Remus could be out there in pain. It would be completely selfish of him. He could tell that the others were starting to worry about him as well.

Minerva took it upon herself to reassure him that he was fine every chance she got. He kept catching Harry and Draco standing in the hallway, having whispered conversations while shooting him occasional looks. He wasn't blind or stupid. He knew they were discussing him. He knew they were worried, but he couldn't bring it upon himself to assure them that he was fine because he was the farthest thing from it.

The students had noticed that something was wrong as well, although they had no idea what it was. They tiptoed around him, speaking in whispers in his classroom as if he might snap any moment. The Gryffindor's and Slytherin's had even refrained from taunting each other for the past few days. He no longer bothered to teach anymore, just wrote the name of a potion and the page number it could be found on. He didn't even bother to grade the potions, just wrote down a 100 for every one of them. He could tell that a lot of the students were confused about how their grades had suddenly gone up.

It was his last class of the day and he was watching the third years brew a fever reducer. He stared blankly ahead, not seeing. His mind was a million miles away. Wondering. Hoping. Wishing. Praying for his lovers safety. Suddenly, his classroom door burst open. Each head in the room turned toward the door, including his own. He had to shut his eyes and re-open them again to make sure the sight standing in front of him was real. Remus was back.

"Class dismissed." He said, wanting the idiots to get from his classroom right that instant. They all turned to stare at him, only a few of them rising. "Get out now." He growled, his voice menacing. That got them moving all right. One by one, they silently filed out. He didn't so much as look at Remus until the last one had left the room. With a wave of his wand, he slammed the door shut, placing locking charms on it as he did so.

He stayed put, taking in the sight of the other man. His robes were ripped and torn, blood stains remaining in a few places. His hair was dirty and he was much thinner than he had been upon leaving. He looked as if he were going to fall over any moment. Somehow, he was managing to smile through it all. That bastard. No word from his for sixteen days and then he just shows up, bursts into the middle of his class, and stands there smiling at him.

"What happened?" He asked. Remus sighed and ran his hand through his hair, leaning against a desk. "I lived among them for a few days. Introduced myself as a werewolf from America. Tried to get them to enter the nearest village with me so I could sneak off and make contact with the Order. That's when my cover was blown. Greyback transformed and forced me to return to my human form. They locked me up. Didn't feed me a scrap of food. Beat me everyday. I was finally able to overpower them and apparate, but I was too weak to do it properly. I ended up about fifty miles away from here and had to walk back."

Severus was at a loss for words. He could have died. Would have died if he wouldn't have gotten away. He jumped up, striding forward. He stopped an inch away from the man. "You fool!" He yelled before launching himself at Remus. He wrapped his arms around his waist, never wanting to let go. He was so relieved. The man had driven him completely insane and they had only been together for a little over a month! What was becoming of him?

All anger was lost as arms wrapped around him, holding him tight. He reached up and kissed Remus softly before holding him tightly again. They stood there, holding each other, time slipping by. It felt so nice to be in the other mans arms again. Their reunion was interrupted as the door bust open once again! Someone had broken his wards down.

He started to let go, but stopped as he realized it was just Minerva. "You idiot boy! You scared us all to death!" She yelled, shaking her finger at Remus. "Didn't even have the consideration to come find me when you arrived so I knew you were alive! I had to hear it from one of the ghosts!" She was fuming mad.

Severus chuckled to himself, tightening his grip on Remus so she didn't pry them apart and rip him limb from limb. Ignoring Minerva's ranting and Remus's apologizing, he buried his face in the mans robes. He was surprised when he smelled the familiar rose scent on him. After weeks without a shower and covered in blood, he still smelled good.

"I would like to hear what happened so if you wouldn't mind releasing him for a moment Severus." He could hear the amusement in her voice and it was only because he deeply respected her that he did not hex her. Reluctantly, he released him and led them out of the room to his quarters. He showed Minerva to an armchair and took a seat next to Remus, interwining their fingers as he listened to him recount the story of what had happened.

Once he was done telling the story, Minerva insisted he go to the Hospital Wing to get his injuries treated. "I'm going as well." He informed them. They both turned to look at him in surprise. Why they did so, he did not know. Of course he wasn't going to let Remus go alone. "I'll be fine Severus. I know you have other things to do. More important things." He felt a pang in his chest at Remus's words. How could he think that he had more important things to do when he was injured! "Nothing" He said, putting emphasis on the word. "is more important than you." He blushed as he saw the look of surprise on the other two's faces.

Neither said another word of protest as they all took the Floo down to the Hospital Wing. Poppy immediately grabbed Remus and began fussing over him. "Should have came here straight away!" After running several diagnostic spells on him, she determined that he had several broken ribs, a cracked wrist, a concussion, and internal bleeding. Also, according to her spell, he hadn't had any food in a week and a half. It was his turn to round on the man as he learned all of this information. "Why the hell didn't you come here first?"

He didn't know what he was expecting in response, but it wasn't what came out of Remus's mouth next. "I had to see you." It was a simple answer, but the impact of it hit Severus like a wall of bricks. He had dragged himself down to the dungeons, broken bones and all, just to see him as soon as possible. He had stood, holding him in his arms, likely to collapse any moment. He cared about him. This wasn't just fun and games.

He glanced at the man he loved, his face full of compassion. Wait-did he just say love? He was ready to take it back in his mind, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He had torn himself up over the man for days on end. Lost sleep and a few pounds over it. He had kicked out a whole class of third years upon his arrival and had refused to let him out of his sight long enough to get his injuries treated. If that wasn't love, then he didn't know what was.

Poppy was able to heal his entire body within seconds, but she insisted that he stay overnight. Remus had just opened his mouth to argue when the door burst open. "Why didn't you tell us he was back?" Harry asked as he strode in, Draco in tow. To be honest, he hadn't thought to. He had just been concerned with getting him to the Hospital Wing. He could see now that was a mistake for the two boys were glaring at him as they strode toward Remus's bedside. Harry pulled Remus into a hug, screaching that he'd scared them all half to death. To his surprise, Draco hugged him as well. He couldn't help but smile as he watched the display.

He tuned back in at the end of their conversation. "-hasn't slept in days. Refusing meals. Sneaking off to sleep in your bed. Giving good grades in his classes." The lecture was about him now. When Harry finished, Remus took one look at him before calling a house elf for food. Harry, Draco, Remus, Poppy, Minerva, and himself ate dinner in the Hospital Wing. He listened as Remus recounted the story for the three who hadn't heard it, wanting to find Greyback and murder him for hurting Remus.

At ten till curfew, Poppy started trying to get them to leave. Severus had no intention of doing so. He had been sick with worry for sixteen days and he never wanted to let the man out of his sight. "I'm not going anywhere." He informed her. She gave him another strange look and he could understand why. She didn't know about their relationship. She thought they were merely friends. "Very well." She said, exasperated. "I'll make up another bed."

Another bed? Fuck that. He had slept alone for almost a month now. "That won't be necessary." He said, sitting on the edge of Remus's bed. He pulled out his wand and transfigured his robes to pajamas before crawling under the covers with Remus. He lay his head on the mans chest, smiling as he felt two arms wrap around him. He knew they had an audience, one who did not know of the relationship, but he didn't care.

He looked up and was only greeted by smiles. "I take it that you two can stay in the dungeons alone?" He asked Harry and Draco. "Do we have to go home Sev?" Draco whined. He wondered when it had become home to the boys, but he didn't ask, only smiled at them. "Yes. Now get going or you won't be able to wake up for classes tomorrow." Grumbling to themselves, they left the room. The two women said their goodbyes and left, leaving them alone.

"I was so worried about you." He whispered. "I could tell from what they told me." He said. "So you really snuck off to sleep in my bed?" He added as an afterthought. He felt his cheeks burning and was glad that it was pitch black in the Hospital Wing. "Yes." Was all he could think to reply. He decided to ask about the necklace. "Why did you let me wear the necklace your father gave you, but not Black?" The question had been eating him alive for the past few days. "Sirius was my best friend as well as my lover. I cared about him and I loved him with all of my heart."

He felt a pang of jealousy at the mans words, but let him continue on. "But when we got together, after he escaped from Azkaban, he wanted to dwell on the past. He couldn't accept me for who I am today. He still saw me as part of the gang of troublemakers, as one of the Mauraders. He couldn't come to terms with the fact that I am not who I once was. We fought constantly over it. But you are different, Severus. You accept me for me. You overlook the past. I'm not just James's best friend with the furry little problem. All I am to you is Remus, and that is more than enough for me." He finished.

Severus didn't know what to say so he settled for tightening his grip on the man and burying his face in his shoulder. "How did you know that my father gave it to me?" He asked. "Minerva." He said. He was surprised at Remus's next question. "I thought you wanted to keep our relationship a secret?" He had thought so too, but he had realized over the past week that he didn't give a damn what anyone thought about the two of them being together. And he told him so. "Who knows exactly?" The wolf asked, chuckling over his last statement.

"Harry, Draco, Granger, Minerva, and Poppy." He was expecting him to ask questions, but he didn't. "Since when did Harry become Harry to you?" He wondered that question himself as well. When had he stopped referring to him as Potter? It was the night when he had witnessed the awful letters being carved into his back. The memory still made him shudder.

"When I realized that he is not his father." Remus chuckled at his words. They lay in silence for a few moments. "Remus." He whispered. No response. Looking up, he saw that the other man had fallen asleep. He smiled to himself as he watched his sleeping form. He could tell that the wolf was completely exhausted and kicked himself for not forcing him to go to bed sooner. God, he was really starting to admit to himself how much he cared about him.

He reached down and traced his jaw, feeling his pulse as he did so. He brushed his bangs out of his face, his sandy hair streaked with brown from being in a dirt cell for days. Severus let his fingertips travel downward, brushing against his collarbone. He rubbed his fingers over the curve of bone. There was no fault at all. He was perfect


	11. Chapter 11

Severus smiled as he woke up next to Remus the next morning, happy that it hadn't all been a dream. He checked his watch and jumped up as he realized that it was half past eleven. Why the hell hadn't anyone woken him up? He had classes to teach! He wheeled around to look at Poppy. "Why didn't you wake me?" He demanded. She looked at him as if he were crazy. "It's Halloween." Oh. He had forgotten. There were no classes today because of the dance that was taking place tonight. Feeling stupid, he walked over and lay down next to Remus who was still sleeping peacefully. He must have been exhausted.

He brushed Remus's hair back, letting his fingers linger on his cheek. He glanced up to see Poppy watching the two of them. He immediately removed his hand. "What?" He snapped. He didn't care if people knew they were in a relationship, but he didn't want anyone to think that he'd gone soft. "I'm just glad to see you so happy." She said, walking off. He smiled to himself at her words before slipping an arm around Remus's waist and drifting back to sleep.

When he next awoke, it was because of Remus. He let his eyes stay closed as the man planted kisses all over his face, trying to wake him. "Wake up." He said over and over again as he continued to kiss him. Severus opened his eyes, finally giving in. He smiled at his actions, giving him a quick kiss.

"It's about time you joined the living, Severus." He heard Minerva say. He felt himself blushing worse than ever as he realized that she had seen the whole display a few moments ago. He turned and gave Remus the dirtiest look he could manage. It had no effect on him what-so-ever as he laughed. "That's what you get for sleeping all day."

All day? It had been eleven last time he had looked, so it was probably around twelve now. "It's noon, Remus." He said. "Oh really?" Remus raised an eyebrow. "Take a look at the clock." He did just that and saw that it was...six o'clock! He hadn't slept this late since he was a teenager! The Halloween dance started at seven and he still had to shower!

He jumped out of bed and strode toward the door, pausing as he heard laughter. "What!" He snapped at the two. He didn't see what was so funny. "Look down." Remus laughed, pointing. He looked down and realized he was still wearing his pajamas. He almost went stroding through the corridors like that! Was he losing his fucking mind or what?

"Personally, I think you look cute like that, but I'm not sure what everyone else would think." Remus said, smirking. He couldn't help but blush at the other man calling him cute. "Quiet you." He mumbled. "I better go get ready as well." Remus said, coming to stand in front of him. "So I'll see you there?" He asked. Severus couldn't help but be a bit disappointed that he hadn't asked him to go with him. Merlin, he sounded like a love sick teenager! He nodded , transfiguring his pajamas, and kissing the man before heading down to his quarters to shower.

He was able to get ready with five minutes to spare. Draco and Harry walked out of the dungeons with him, but drifted away once they got to the Entrance Hall. They were going to the dance with a group of Hufflepuff's and Ravenclaw's. He hoped to god the idiot Griffindor's didn't start anything. He wasn't worried one bit about his Slytherin's. They were mostly all rich pure bloods and knew that such behavior was not acceptable at a dance.

Severus couldn't spot Remus anywhere as he entered the dance so he went to stand in a corner and watch the student's dance. They were playing fast paced music and the older grades were all dancing pretty raunchy while the younger grades awkwardly stood in a group and bobbed their heads. Being a chaperone, he was supposed to discourage this kind of dancing, but he didn't bother. He did take it upon himself to send a stinking hex at a sixth year Slytherin who was trying to stick his hand up a Ravenclaw girls dress, though.

Looking throughout the crowd, he was finally able to spot Draco and Harry. He laughed out loud at the sight that greeted him. They were sandwiched in between three Ravenclaw girls, a Hufflepuff girl, and two other boys. They looked like they were having the time of their lives. He scanned the crowd, looking for the Gryffindors. He spotted the three Weasley's, Hermione, Thomas, Brown, Longbottom, Finnagan, and the Patil twins dancing in a large group.

The sight that greeted him almost caused him to fall out of his chair. Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnagan were standing in the middle of the group kissing! How dare they kick Harry out and then stand in the middle of the dance and kiss! How dare they call him names when they were also gay! He was pissed to say the very least.

A slow song came on and many people cleared the dance floor. He watched as Harry began dancing with one of the Ravenclaw girls and Draco began dancing with Granger. Weasley was standing against the wall looking livid at the sight. He watched as Goyle led Bullstode onto the dance floor. He had known they were a couple! He loved being right.

The slow song ended, but was immediately followed by another one. He watched as Draco and Harry released their partners to begin dancing with each other. He smiled as the two clung to each other, not noticing anything else around them. He was glad that they no longer cared what anyone thought about them. Watching them, he felt a pang of sadness as he realized that Remus wasn't going to find him and ask him to dance. He had meant what he said about not caring who knew about them.

Severus curled his lip in disgust as Finnagan led Thomas out onto the dance floor. He glanced at Harry and saw him watching, looking furious. He didn't blame him. He couldn't even imagine how betrayed he felt at the moment. He was highly amused to see Weasley trying to get Hermione to dance with him and her refusing, going to dance with a boy from Ravenclaw instead. Served him right for being an asshole to her.

"Would you like to dance?" A voice murmured in his ear. He turned to face Remus. "I thought you'd never ask." He admited, a stupid smile on his face. He took Remus's hand and allowed him to lead him onto the dance floor. They took a spot next to Pomona who was dancing with Filius. He braced himself for comments, but they just smiled at the pair. He had a feeling that Minerva had been right in saying you had to be a fool to miss it. Or a student.

He pulled his arm around Remus's waist and took his hand in his, pressing up against him. Remus held him close to him and Severus didn't move away. He had missed him so much when he had been gone. He didn't think he could stand it if he left again for another stupid mission. He locked eyes with Remus, unable to wipe the smile off of his face. Remus smiled back and he felt his insides warm because of the action.

Out of curiousity, he peered over Remus's shoulder to see how many people were watching them. As he had expected, nearly everyone was staring and whispering. The Hufflepuff's and Ravenclaw's were smiling at the pair, the Grffindor's were mainly all glaring, and his Slytherin's were half and half. He figured they were glad to see him with someone, but didn't like the fact that it was a Gryffindor.

He caught eyes with Minerva who beamed at him, then Harry and Draco who did the same. Happy that they were accepted, he turned his gaze back to Remus. Their eyes locked and he could see nothing but true happiness in the other mans eyes. He knew that his own eyes showed the same, but he didn't try to clear them of the emotion for once. It was like a dream, being with Remus. The other man made him feel loved, like he mattered. He somehow made him feel safe as well. He had never been so happy in his entire life. "I love you."

The words came tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them. He shouldn't have said that! He was going to scare him off and go back to being alone again! He did love him, though. That was the thing. It was too late to take back what he said now, he just had to wait for Remus's response. "I love you too." His eyes widened as the words sank in.

He loved him back! It hadn't been a mistake! He looked down at Remus, his face shining with happiness and a tiny bit of shock. He captured the other mans lips in a gentle, but long kiss. After the kiss was broken, he left his forehead resting against his.

The song ended and the dance music started up again. They moved back to the corner and he backed him into the wall, capturing him in a passionate kiss. He groaned as the wolf kissed him back, losing his self control. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his chest, shoving him away. "Not here." Remus said, looking around to see if anyone had seen. There were a few students staring, but he didn't care. He wanted Remus. Now.

Without another word, he grabbed his hand and drug him down to the dungeons. As soon as the door shut behind him, he found himself pressed up against the wall. Lips found his neck and he gasped at the sensation. He found the mans lips and pushed him backwards, never breaking the kiss as they entered the bedroom. He pulled Remus's cloak and robes off as Remus did the same for him.

Gently, he pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him. He pulled Remus's shirt off over his head and began kissing his way down his stomach. When he reached his trousers he un-buttoned them and pulled them off within seconds. He made to reach for the other mans boxers, but found himself lying flat on his back, Remus on top of him.

He didn't protest as all of his clothes were removed and Remus began kissing his way down his body. He was being so gentle with him, something he wasn't used to. It was amazing.

He gasped as Remus suddenly took his cock in his mouth. He moved slowly up and down, teasing him. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Was all he could manage to get out. He could feel his blood washing forward and his orgasm building. He was so close. Remus suddenly released him and kissed him gently. That fucking tease.

He took control this time, flipping them over and kissing him. He reached down and grabbed the other mans cock. He moved his hand slowly, his lips traveling down to his neck. "Severus." Remus gasped as he began sucking on his neck, probably leaving a mark in the process. He released him and leaned over, pulling a small bottle of lubricant out of his night stand.

Remus didn't protest as he began to prepare him. Once he was done, he lay still for a moment on top of him. "Are you sure?" He asked, not wanting the other man to do something he would regret. "Yes." Came his lovers answer and he knew that he wanted this as much as he did.

He positioned himself at his entrance, slowly pushing in. He stopped when he saw Remus's face twist up in pain and stayed completely still to let him adjust. Severus took it as the okay to move when he started rolling his hips toward him. He didn't rush into it, making his movements slow and deliberal. Remus had his eyes closed and there was a look of complete pleasure on his face. "Oh god." The other man cried, wrapping his legs around his waist.

Severus heard a loud moan issue from his throat and almost stopped moving in surprise. He was always dead silent during sex, no matter how good it was for him. At the sound of his voice, Remus wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him down. Their mouths met in a slow, but sweet kiss. He wrapped his arms around Remus's back, gently rubbing it as he continued to slowly move inside of him.

Remus gently began kissing his neck, driving him insane at the feeling. The pleasure was starting to overtake his mind and he allowed himself to cry out Remus's name. He locked eyes with his lover and that was all it took for him to hit his climax. Remus hit his only moments later and they both collapsed next to each other, gasping for air.

"That was..." He trailed off, not having the words to describe what that was. It was easily the best sex of his entire life. It was the first time he had ever made love to anyone. The first time he had ever felt so much. It was exactly what he had wanted it to be like. It was perfect. Amazing. Incredible. Scary. Satisfying. "Amazing." Remus finished for him.


	12. Chapter 12

The boys were behaving strangely the next day. Everytime he and Remus so much as looked at each other they would smirk and everytime they touched they burst out in laughter. He was starting to get very annoyed around seven that night when it had been going on for hours. Remus excused himself to go to the washroom and he rounded on them. "What in Merlin's name is so funny?" He spat. They glanced at each other before bursting out into fits of laughter once again. He watched as they stood up and began putting their shoes on to go out.

"Your not going anywhere until you tell me what's so damn funny." They giggled for a few more seconds before Draco finally spoke up. "Might wanna practice some silencing charms, eh?" It finally hit him. He'd been so caught up in the moment last night that he'd forgotten to silence the room before they'd had sex.

The boys had probably came home in the middle of it and heard everything. He could feel both of his cheeks turing a deep red. He couldn't believe that he forgotten to use the charm. Now all they could think about was how he sounded in bed. He had never been so embarrassed in his life so he was grateful when they slipped out of the door without another word.

Remus came out and looked startled at the redness on his face. "It appears that I forgot to use a silencing charm last night." He mumbled, looking anywhere that wasn't Remus's face. They hadn't talked about last night and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "Oh." The other man mumbled, sounding embarrassed as well.

When he didn't say another word about the situation after several long moments, he finally spoke up. "About last night..what do you...I mean do you want it to...happen again?" He looked up at his face and was surprised to see him looking confused. "Why wouldn't I?" He asked. Okay, well at least that was one thing out of the way. "I didn't know if it was a one time thing." He immediately regretted saying it as he saw anger on the mans face for the first time.

"Is that what you think?" He spat, standing up. Severus stood up as well and tried to speak. He was cut off by Remus yelling at him. "You thought you were just another one night stand? That it didn't mean anything? Fuck em and leave em right?" He didn't respond, shocked at the mans anger as well as his language. He had never heard the man utter a curse word, not even in his youth. "You obviously don't know me at all, Severus!"

"Remus I-" He reached out to grab the man, but he jumped back to avoid his touch. "Did you even mean it when you said you loved me?" How dare the man accuse him of that. He didn't say something unless he meant it. Expecially I love you. "Guess not." He had taken a moment too long to answer and the man left, slamming the door behind him as he went.

He sank down on the couch, face in his hands. They had just had their first fight and he had been too much of an idiot to resolve it before it got bad. He summoned a bottle of Firewhiskey and poured himself a drink. He downed it and poured another. And another. And another. He sat there for hours, slowly drinking his stupidity away and staring at the fire.

The boys came tumbling in around one in the morning. He didn't even bother to scold them for being out so late or for the fact that they didn't look very sober. They took one glance at him and the half empty bottle of Firewhiskey before shuffling to their room without a word. He heard the door slam shut followed by giggles. He tried to block the noise out as best as he could. He stopped short when he heard a loud crash followed by a moan. He pointed his wand at the door and sent a silencing charm at it. He didn't want to hear that.

He downed two more cups of Firewhiskey before standing up, almost falling over as he did so. He was completely trashed. Managing to walk across the room, he opened the door with his wand and began climbing the steps out of the dungeon, gripping the rail and giggling the entire way. Severus came up in the Entrance Hall and found that he couldn't remember how to get to Remus's quarters. He stupidly turned in every direction, hoping it would come to him. He turned as he heard a laugh behind him.

"Lost Professor Snape?" Nearly Headless Nick asked him. "Yes." He slurred. Nearly Headless Nick raised an eyebrow, catching on to the fact that he was drunk. "Where are you trying to go, Professor?" Severus closed his eyes for a moment, feeling very dizzy. When he opened them again, the room was no longer spinning. "My boyfriend." He said. Nearly Headless Nick chuckled again. "Follow me." He said, slowly leading the way. Severus stumbled up the flights of stairs, clutching the rail as tightly as he could.

A blast of cold air coming from an open window hit him in the face. It sobered him up just enough to wonder how Nick knew who his boyfriend was. "How did you know where to go?" He slurred out. "I knew about you before anyone else did." Severus widened his eyes, but didn't reply as another wave of dizziness overtook him again.

They finally stopped in front of a door and Nick glided away, wishing him good luck. He raised his fist and banged on the door, louder than he realized. A few sleeping portraits awoke with a jolt and began yelling at him for the disturbance. The door swung open to reveal Remus in his pajamas. "Hellooo baaby!" He called, stepping past the man and stumbling into the living room. He was so happy to see him that he couldn't do anything beam around the room. He sat down on the couch, still beaming.

Remus came to sit in an armchair across from him, looking at him strangly. He looked so sexy with his hair all disheveled from sleeping and in his black boxers with a Muggle t-shirt on! "You look sexy baaaby!" He exclaimed, standing up and stumbling toward him. Remus just continued to stare at him. "Your drunk." He said flatly. He raised a finger to his lips. "Shh don't tell anyone." He giggled before remembering why he had came. "I'm sorry for.." What was he sorry for? He couldn't remember. Damn alcohol.

"What are you sorry for, Severus?" He said, rather harshly. "Sorry for hurting me? Sorry for lying to me and saying you loved me so I'd have sex with you? Sorry for showing up here drunk?"

He felt himself starting to tear up as the man yelled at him. He leaned forward to kiss him, but he moved away. "Let's go to bed." He slurred, attempting to stumble to the bedroom. Remus got up and stood in front of him. "Go to bed in the dungeons." Why was he saying that for? He wanted to stay with him! "I wanna stay with you babe!" He whined like a child. Remus's eyes narrowed at him. "Your not welcome here. Go home." He said coldly.

Severus let the tears that had been threatening to fall slip down his cheeks at his words. He was drunk, but he could tell that he wasn't wanted. He began stumbling over to the door, but stopped as a wave of nausea hit him. He puked right on the floor, his insides churning. He felt a hand on his back, but he shrugged it off as he continued to dry heave. Pulling out his wand, he siphoned the puke off of the floor before stumbling out of the room.

He ran into another body as he was trying to find his way down the stairs. "Professor?" A bewildered voice exclaimed. He was blinded by light from a wand and was actually relieved to see that it was Granger. He knew she would help him back to the dungeons and keep her mouth shut. He felt dizziness again and gribbed the nearest thing to him, her shoulder.

She gasped in surprise, but didn't move. "Professor...are you drunk?" She asked timidly. He knew she could probably smell the liquor on his breath and clothes from where she was standing and could see him swaying. Not to mention see the fact that he was crying. The great scary git of the dungeons must be intoxicated if he's showing that much emotion. "Yes." He replied, trying to get his crying under control. No point in lying.

He felt an arm slip around his waist and he almost pulled back, but then realized that she was trying to help him walk down the stairs. Greatfully, he put his right arm around her shoulders and allowed himself to be led to the dungeons. The portrait gasped in horror as she saw him. "What happened dear?" She asked Hermione. "He's drunk." She whispered back. The portrait scanned him over before swinging forward to allow them access.

He took one step in and the smell of a potion he'd left brewing hit him. Hermione must have seen him turn green because she quickly ushered him to the bathroom. He got on his knees and leaned over the toilet bowl, puking everything he'd eaten that day up. He didn't protest as he felt her hand reach up and pull his hair back so it didn't get any puke in it.

After a few minutes, he stopped puking and flushed the toilet, leaning his head against the rim. He felt his hair being released and heard footsteps echoing out of the bathroom. He assumed the girl was leaving now that his puking was over, but she returned within the next minute.

He felt a cool washcloth being pressed to his face and a glass of water being pressed into his hand. Keeping his eyes closed, he gulped the water down, washing the taste of puke out of his mouth. He wiped the back of his mouth with his hand and leaned his back against the bathtub. "I'll be fine now." He mumbled.

She got up and stood in the doorway. "I'm going to sit in the living room where I can see you. I'm not going to leave and let you drown in your own puke." She informed him.

He must have passed out in the bathroom because when he next awoke he could smell breakfast coming from the Great Hall. The smell alone was enough to trigger his senses and make him puke into the toilet bowl once again. As he puked his guts up, he felt a hand rubbing his back. What the hell had happened last night? Obviously he had been drunk, but what had he done? And who was rubbing his back?

Once he finished vomiting, he turned to see that it was Harry. He was holding out a vial of hangover potion and he took it, swallowing the contents. He waited a few moments and he felt a little better, but not completely. His headache was completely gone, but he still felt slightly nauseous and his head was as fuzzy as ever. He must have been pretty drunk last night for the potion to not work fully.

He glanced at Harry and noticed that he looked hungover as well. That's when he had a memory come back to him. Harry and Draco stumbling in after curfew, looking fucked up. So they had been doing the same thing that he had been last night. "Hangover?" He croaked and Harry nodded. He didn't scold him for drinking, knowing that it would make him the worlds biggest hypocrite if he did. "Why don't you take some potion?" He asked. Harry closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Gave the last to you." He muttered.

Harry didn't have to do that, considering the potion hadn't even worked to the full effect on him. He stood up slowly, brushing his teeth and splashing water on his face before looking in the mirror. He looked terrible. Harry started walking out of the room, waving his hand at him to follow. He made to go in the living room and sit on the sofa, but he stopped as he saw Granger's sleeping form lying there. What the hell was she doing there?

He instead followed Harry into the kitchen and sat down at the table. He watched the boy begin rummaging through the cabinets. The smell of breakfast from the Great Hall was making him feel sick, so he really hoped that he wasn't going to try to cook. He groaned and put his head down at the table, willing this feeling to go away. He felt something being set down on the table and looked up to see that Harry had set down two glasses of ice water and some toast.

He chewed his toast and drank his water slowly, trying not to upset his stomach. Upon finishing, his head cleared greatly and memories from the previous night started to come back to him. He had gone to Remus's quarters. There had been shouting. He had cried. Oh god he had called him baby! He wasn't soft! He didn't use pet names like that! Oh god the man must think that he was a complete idiot! The memories began coming in flashes, not making sense.

He realized that he could only remember a few things. Another flash came to him and Hermione was helping him down the stairs, then as he puked over the toilet bowl. He guessed that he must have told her to stay, or she took it upon herself. At least he'd had Hermione there to help hi-God damnit! Why did he have to start referring to everyone by their first names when an emotional moment passed between them?

"I'll share if you share." Harry said. He glanced up at him, considering it for a moment. "Alright. You go first." He said, leaning back in his chair. "You have to promise not to punish us or get mad." If he was making him promise not to punish them, then it had to be bad. He wanted to punish them if it was something really bad, but he also wanted to know what they had done, so he promised not to punish them.

"We snuck out to a party in Hogsmeade." He said, looking sheepishly at him. "Well go on." He snapped. "We went with a couple of Ravenclaw's. The Hufflepuff's were too scared to go. We got there around nine and stayed until twelve forty five. Drank too much for own own good. Danced a lot. It was fun." He stated. Severus nodded. It sounded exactly like the kind of party that he would hate and refuse to go to. "Your turn."

Severus groaned. He had forgotten that he had promised to tell his story too. "Remus and I got in a fight so I sat on my ass and drank for hours. I somehow ended up in his quarters. We fought again and I'm pretty sure he kicked me out. Hermione somehow found me and brought me down here. I puked and I guess I fell asleep in the bathroom. That's all I can remember." Harry was goggling at him as he looked up. "Since when do you call Hermione by her first name?" Why did everybody always have to ask questions anytime he began calling someone by their first name?

"Since she helped me to not drown in my own vomit last night." He muttered. Harry laughed and launched into conversation about the next Quiddich match. Although no one in his house was speaking to him, save Hermione and the Weasley girl, they couldn't kick him off the team, so he was still playing Seeker. Conversation carried easily for the next few hours and they didn't even argue. As much as he hated to admit it, the kid was really starting to grow on him. He was nothing like his father and had grown up to be a very good person.

Hermione finally awoke around noon, coming into the kitchen rather timidly. He thanked her for helping him and she seemed to become less timid after that, offering to make them all lunch. He told her to go ahead, knowing that she wouldn't burn down the kitchen. Severus was surprised as she began to cook the Muggle way. She really was the brightest witch of her age, so he didn't understand why she was cooking the hard way. He supposed that this was what she was the most used to, considering she was Muggle-born.

Draco finally surfaced thirty minutes later, looking even more hungover than Harry did. There was something off about the two boys behavior. Draco had taken a seat next to him instead of the empty one next to Harry and the two hadn't so much as looked at each other since he entered the room. He didn't know what they had possibly be fighting about this time, but it had to be something big if they wouldn't even look at each other.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Hermione brought lunch over to the table. She had cooked onion soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, nothing too upsetting on the stomach. After they had all finished, he sent the plates flying to the sink with a wave of his wand and they began washing themselves.

"Severus, could I talk to you in the living room?" Draco suddenly asked, not really surprising him. "Wanna go to the library Harry?" Hermione asked, aware of the fact that this was going to be a private discussion. "Sure." Harry mumbled, slipping his shoes on before exiting through the door with her. He waited until they were gone before walking into the living room with Draco. He took his usual armchair by the fire and Draco took the catch, laying down on it and covering his face with his arm. "What's wrong, Dragon?" He asked gently, using the pet name he had given him when he was little.

Draco didn't answer, just groaned and shook his head. "Does this have to do with why you and Harry are avoiding each other like the plague?" He asked. Draco nodded his head yes. At least they were getting somewhere. "Did you get in a fight?" He asked. Draco shook his head no and sat up. "This is really embarrassing to talk about, but I don't have anyone else to go to." Severus didn't answer, just waited for him to continue. He assumed it had to do with sex, whatever it was. "We...did something last night...that we've never done before...and I'm not sure how to...um..how to talk about it...I don't know if Harry regrets it, I mean we were drunk and..." He stopped, blushing scarlet.

He didn't reply for a minute, trying to figure out what they could have possibly done that he was so embarrassed about. Maybe last night was the first time they had gone all the way? "Was last night the first time you went all the way?" He asked. Draco shook his head. "No. We did that months ago." He blushed again, catching on to what he just said. "I mean um..." He chuckled and shook his head. Why were teenagers so embarrassed about the topic of sex?

"Your gonna have to give me some kind of hint if you do not wish to say it." He said, trying not to let his amusement show. "Um..well..it has to do with your mouth.." Okay, so oral sex. That narrowed it down to two possible things. "Front or back of your body?" He asked. Draco didn't answer for a moment. "Back." He finally whispered, becoming very interested at a spot in the floor. Ah, they had decided to try rimming. He knew some men were squimish about it, but he actually enjoyed it.

"Okay, so one of you didn't like it, or..?" He left the question hanging in the air. "Well we did at the time." He blushed before continuing. "But we were drunk and I don't know if that is the only reason why and I don't know if Harry would want to try it again and I'm so confused." He said this very fast, falling back into the couch cushions after he had finished.

He didn't know what possessed him to do it, but he decided to talk to the boy about his frustrations as well. He didn't know if it was because he wanted his own problems solved at the same time or because he needed to let him know it was normal to feel this way. "I know exactly how you feel." He said, watching as Draco's eyes widened. "You and Remus did that?" He asked. Severus rolled his eyes before answering. "No we did not do that, but we did have sex the other night as I am VERY sure you know." He said, watching as Draco tried not to laugh.

"We got into a fight yesterday because I pretty much accused him of having sex with me as a one time thing. I've never seen him that angry. He cursed at me and asked me if I meant it when I said I loved him. I was pissed off and lost in thought, so when I didn't answer right away, he took that as my answer and said he didn't think so before leaving. When I was under the influence last night, I visited him and he kicked me out, saying that I wasn't welcome there." He finished, looking at Draco.

He seemed to be lost in thought. "Do you love him?" He asked suddenly. Severus didn't answer for a moment, a bit taken aback by the question. "Yes, I do." He said. His feelings hadn't changed. He still loved the man with all that he was. "Then you need to find him and tell him. Don't just tell him that you love him. Tell him the reasons why you love him. Every single one, no matter how stupid or little that they seem."

He couldn't believe that he was taking relationship advice from a seventeen year old, but that's exactly what he was doing as he exited his quarters ten minutes later. He was going to find him and tell him why he loved him. He was going to find him and hope to god that the other man would believe him. That he would listen to him.

Just as he entered a corridor, he heard shouting from somewhere. He stopped for a minute to listen. "Fucking nasty blood traitor." A girls voice said. "Let's show him what being a pure blood is all about, shall we Avery?" The same voice asked. He began walking as fast as he could, pretty sure that he knew who they were talking to. Severus rounded the quarter just as the girl uttered a spell. "Cruci-" She never finished as a jet of light soared out of the air and hit her in the chest, leaving her unconcious. He had a feeling who had stupifed her.

Sure enough, Harry stepped out from under his cloak. "How dare you try to use the Cruciatus Curse on an eleven year old." He addressed Avery who immediately raised his wand. "Jacob, get behind me." He ordered and the Weasley boy did as he said, standing about ten feet behind him. "Levicorp-" Harry was cut off by Avery sending a spell at him. "Oppugno." A small silver knife that the boy had conjurned shot forward and stabbed Harry straight in the chest.

It didn't stop at one stab, pulling back and driving into his chest over and over again. He stood there, unable to moved, shocked to the point where he wasn't thinking. Jacob screamed at the top of his lungs. He tried to jump up and grab the knife, but he couldn't reach.

Blood stains appeared on Harry's shirt and he was horrified to see Avery laughing. Finally coming out of his immobile state, he charged forward "REDUCTO!" The knife shattered into thin air. Avery was standing there, shocked that he had been caught. He started to turn, but Severus stupified him with a nonverbal spell.

He turned to Harry and ripped off his shirt. The cuts were deep and he was quickly losing blood. He muttered the countercurse to Sectumsempra, hoping that it would hold up until he could get the boy to the hospital wing. "Is he going to be okay?" A terrified voice whispered from behind him.

He turned to see that Jacob was as white as a sheet and staring down at Harry's body. "I'm not sure. I need to get him help. Can you go find Professor McGonagall and tell her to come to the Hospital Wing?" The boy nodded. "Once you've done that find Mr. Filch and tell him to come down here and get Avery. Tell him I said to punish him anyway he see's fit until I can deal with him." Jacob nodded and hurried off down the hallway.

Severus turned back to Harry. The spell had helped with the bleeding some, but the wounds were still open and he was quickly losing blood. He needed to get Harry to the hospital wing as past of possible. Without a second thought, he picked him up and began running as fast as he could.

He reached the hospital wing, flinging the door open and running into the room. "POPPY!" He yelled and the mediwitch came running out of her office. She gasped as he lay Harry down on the bed. "Knife wounds. Bleeding a lot." He managed to get out as he struggled to catch his breath. She immediately set to work, muttering spells under her breath and making complicated wand movements in the air. Within a few minutes, all of his wounds were closed and the blood had been siphoned off of his chest.

Before he could ask how he was doing, the door burst open. "What happened?" Minerva asked, her voice sounding frantic. He told her the story, wincing at how bad it sounded. Minerva swept from the room in a fit of rage, headed toward Avery, no doubt. He would have delt with him himself, but he didn't want to leave Harry's side.

Severus turned back to him. He was stable, but there was no telling how long it would last. Harry had lost so much blood. Not thinking about what he was doing, he began stroking the boys hair. "Please be alright." He mumbled, letting his arms rest on his torso.

The doors slammed open again and he turned to see Remus striding toward him. He was so happy to see him, he needed him right now. Severus stood up and moved forward, ready to embrace the man. He stopped short as Remus shoved him in the chest, sending him flying backward onto the floor. "YOU!" Remus yelled, pointing a shaking finger at him. What the hell was his problem? Was he really trying to continue their fight from earlier at a time like this?

"Remu-" He was cut off as Remus began screaming at him again. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?" He screamed. What did he do to who? "What're you?" "TELL ME WHAT YOU DID TO MY GODSON YOU HEARTLESS FUCKING BASTARD!" Remus shoved him again and he didn't even try to pull himself up as realization suddenly hit him. For the first time in his entire life, Severus Snape let his jaw drop.


	13. Chapter 13

Severus allowed himself to stare at Remus in shock for a long moment before jumping to his feet. "Get out." He snarled through clenched teeth. Remus just stared at him, his face unreadable. "Now." He commanded, drawing his wand on the man. He opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it as he closed it again. He continued to stare at him as he backed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Severus stared at the door his love had just exited through. He could not believe Remus thought he would hurt Harry. That he would nearly kill the boy. He would never lay a hand on any child, let alone one he had grown to care for. Severus had grown up being brutally abused by his own father. He didn't want any child to ever have to go through that pain. He closed his eyes, memories of what his father had done to him washing over him.

He had fallen in love with a man who didn't know him at all. He couldn't believe he had been so utterly stupid. He had allowed the walls he had spent the past twenty years building to fall completely down. He had allowed another into his heart, mind, and soul once again. He was a fool to think Remus cared for him. That he actually loved him as he had said he did. That he would stick by him through everything.

Not thinking about what he was doing, not thinking about the fact that it would hurt like hell, not thinking about the fact that he was about to have a breakdown in front of two other people, he strode toward the wall and began slamming his fist into it. He heard a crack and knew that his hand was broken, but he didn't care. He kept driving his fist into the wall over and over, tears streaming down his face. Blood was pouring from his hand, but it didn't hurt. He was completely numb at this point.

He went to slam his hand into the wall again, but somebody had seized his arm, pulling him backward. Squinting through his tears, he realized that it was Minerva. He stopped fighting and allowed himself to be led over to a nearby bed. He sat on the edge, staring down at his mangled hand. It was starting to throb, but he welcomed the pain. He didn't want to be a numb, emotionless being any longer. He wanted to feel everything. No matter how much it hurt.

His wrist was grabbed again, gently this time. He heard Poppy mumble a few spells and looked down to find his hand mended as well as blood free. He looked up to thank her, but she had already shuffled back into her office, leaving him alone with Minerva. Severus glanced over at Harry and felt a strong wave of emotions hit him again. He screwed up his face, but it was no use. He was crying again.

Sobbing, actually. Sobbing as he had as he'd held Lily's lifeless form in his arms, willing her to come back to him. That night was the only other time he had allowed himself to cry as he was now. He couldn't allow himself to break down during his days as a spy. Crying was weakness. Crying was lethal. Crying was for fools. Yet, he didn't care at this moment. The events of the past twenty years were catching up with him.

If it weren't for him, Lily would still be alive. He didn't even care if it meant she would be married to James Potter. She would be alive and that would be enough for him. If it weren't for him, Harry would have grown up with two loving parents, instead of a family of abusive Muggles. If it weren't for him, so many witches and wizards would still have their lives. If it weren't for him, the world would be a completely different place. He was to blame for everything. Harry should have left him to die in the boathouse. Everybody would be better off. Justice would have been served. He didn't deserve to live. He didn't deserve to be happy. He didn't deserve shit.

He felt Minerva sit down next to him on the bed. Severus instantly turned away, keeping his  
>face buried in his hands. He wasn't surprised that she wasn't attempting to comfort him. Nobody except for Albus and Remus had ever seen him have a breakdown before. She was probably shocked into silence. What did surprise him were the two arms that suddenly wrapped around him, trying to pull him close. The human contact made him lose control completely, his sobs becoming desperate gasps. She didn't let go of him, nor try to comfort him with meaningless words. He was grateful for this and he allowed himself to bury his head in her shoulder, his arms handing limply by his sides.<p>

He didn't know how much time passed, but he finally gained control of himself. Embarrassed about his current position, he pulled away and turned his head, staring out of the window. "I apologize." He mumbled to Minerva. "Don't you dare apologize, you idiot boy!" Came her harsh reply. He said nothing, just wiped at his very wet face with his fingers. He couldn't believe he had allowed himself to breakdown like that. Severus hadn't cried like that in sixteen years. "He loves you, you know." She said, quieter this time. He couldn't help but let out a harsh laugh at that remark. "You are wrong. He doesn't give a damn about me." Remus had sure as hell proved that earlier. He was nothing but a good fuck, a replacement for Black.

"I know his current actions may not suggest so, but I know he does. Who did he give that necklace to? Who did he come seek out when he could hardly stand on his own two feet? Who did he dance with in front of hundreds of people? I could tell by the look on his face that he realized his mistake as soon as he made it earlier. Anybody could have seen the hurt in his eyes. You two love one another, don't let this one happening destroy you, Severus. As for a few moments ago, don't you dare be embarrassed. I have known you for twenty five years. You have experienced more throughout that time period than most human beings experience in a lifetime. You have been an inch from death more times than I could even begin to count. You have gone through things that nobody should ever have to go though. You have never showed any sign of weakness. You have never complained, nor cracked under the pressure. That happening a few moments ago was long past due and we both know it." Her speech ended and he sat emotionless, not trusting himself to speak. He had a feeling he would resume his pathetic crying if he did.

She patted his shoulder before exiting the hospital wing. He glanced over at Harry who was still fast asleep. The boy looked so peaceful, like he was in another world. He wished he could have an escape from it all. His three month coma had been the biggest stress reliever of his entire life. Sighing as he thought of the day's events, he moved so he was lying down on the bed. He would lay here and watch Harry for a few more hours before he had to go back to the dungeons.


	14. Chapter 14

Severus hurried across the grounds, glancing behind him to make sure he was not being followed. He winced as he crunched through the leaves now littering the grounds. Fall had definitely come. He didn't stop to admire the beauty, though. He was too focused on getting to the apparition point.

For the past few days, Remus had been following him around attempting to talk to him. He had ignored the man completely. He had nothing left to say to him. No matter how many times the other man told him that he was sorry, it would never be enough. Not for what he did. It seemed like this wasn't going to stop the wolf, though. Today he had even had the nerve to wait for him outside his quarters before breakfast! Severus wouldn't put it past him to follow him to the apparition point and grab onto him as he left.

Reaching the apparition point, he scanned the area once more. It appeared that he had gotten out without being noticed. Quickly, he turned on his heel and vanished into thin air. After what seemed like hours of being squeezed through a small tube, Severus finally landed on his feet, gasping for air. He would never get used to the feeling of apparation.

Looking around the small ally he had landed in, he quickly pulled out his wand and transfigured his clothing into a pair of muggle jeans and a sweater. He now looked like a common muggle. Quickly, he strode out of the ally and across the street to his destination.

As he entered the bar, he was surprised to see it in full swing. There were scruffy men in cowboy hats and boots playing darts, clean shaven men who looked to be in their early thirties drinking bottles of beer and yelling at a television as a muggle sport called soccer played in the background, girls and guys who looked to be in their early twenties downing shots while they danced provocatively in a large group, and a group of middle aged couples sitting at tables, drinking cocktails. Why was the place so busy? Oh right, it was Saturday night. He had completely forgotten.

Wishing he could be as carefree as the people around him, he walked up to the bar and waited for the bartender to notice him. "Severus!" He exclaimed. "Long time no see. What can I get you to drink? The usual or something stronger? You look like you could use a pick me up right about now!" Severus allowed himself a small smile at the man's words. He had known John since he was a teenager. He had met him one summer when he had been walking the streets of London alone, not having anything else to do. It was after his fall out with Lily and he was completely alone.

John had stumbled into him by accident as he was walking down a dark ally, causing Severus to pull his wand out on him. When he realized the man was a muggle, he made to obliviate him, but John had informed him that he knew of the magical world. His cousin was a wizard from America. They had become fast friends that summer and John had introduced him to an entirely new world. A world he had left behind until now.

Severus glanced around the crowded bar before leaning forward. "I need something ah-stronger, if you catch my drift." He muttered. John's eyes widened in surprise, but he just mumbled back "H, C, E, M, W, A, or S." These were the code words he had come up with in trying to hide his little side business. Obviously, nobody would ever be able to guess. Severus snorted inside his head before reaching for his wallet. "5 E and a 20 of H." John bent down and began digging around in his bag stashed under the counter, preparing everything.

After a moment he came up again. "It was a pleasure seeing you again Severus." He said, reaching out to shake his hand. As they did so, he slipped the bundle up his sleeve and Severus slipped the money into his palm. "Have a nice evening." He said before walking out of the bar and apparating back to Hogwarts.

Now that he had what he wanted, he could hardly get down to his quarters fast enough. He half ran the entire way, not caring if anybody saw him. He'd just blast them out of the way if they attempted to halt him. He hurried down the dungeon steps, ignoring the Slytherin's lingering in the hallways, probably up to some type of mischief. They could have at it. He didn't care as long as they didn't murder anybody.

Stepping inside his quarters, he cursed under his breath as he heard voices coming from the living room. He had completely forgotten about Draco and Harry. Why were they still at home, anyways? It was almost eight o'clock on a Saturday night. Shouldn't they be somewhere causing mischief? Especially since it was Harry's first night out of the Hospital Wing. To everybody's relief, the boy had awoken the day after the incident. He had been completely healed by Poppy, but she had insisted that he stay there for nearly a week. To his immense joy, Avery had been expelled, the Ministry had been informed of his doings, and he was now awaiting trial. He could be sentenced to Azkaban for his actions.

Severus stalked toward the living room, fully intending on telling the boys off for merely being there. He was being an ass, he knew, but it was how he had been getting his emotions out over the last few days. He grimaced as he remembered a particular Potions class where he had reduced a Ravenclaw girl to tears by informing her that if she did not shut her mouth and work on her potion, that she would meet the same unfortunate death as her brother.

Her brother had been killed a few years back during the war. He was nine years old and Greyback had gotten ahold of him. He still shuddered as he recalled seeing the little boys mangled body in Riddle Manor, on display for the Death Eaters to laugh at. Severus knew that he had hit a new low and he should probably apologize for his actions, even if it completely destroyed his reputation. What he had said to her was utterly cruel.

Coming into the living room, he couldn't bring himself to tell the boys off. They were lying on the couch together, Draco's head on the other boy's chest. Harry was reading him a novel of some sort, but he couldn't figure out what it was yet. "My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite." Harry recited softly.

Severus was shocked as he realized what Harry was reading. It wasn't the fact that he was reading a muggle novel that surprised him, it was the novel itself. Shakespeare was a very hard author to understand. It was an even bigger challenge to enjoy and appreciate his works, as many found them boring. He was also shocked to see that Draco was hanging onto every single word, a dreamy mist clouding his eyes as he looked up at Harry.

Without thinking, he reached for the camera on the shelf next to him and moved closer, snapping a picture without them noticing. He retreated as he waited for the picture to develop. When it finally did, Severus smiled at what he saw. Harry's mouth was moving, reciting the words. Draco looked at the book before looking up at Harry with that same clouded expression and pressing a kiss to his forehead. The picture would make an excellent gift for the couple someday, or provide a very good piece of blackmail. Whichever worked out better.

As he continued to stare at the happy couple in the picture, he felt a deep aching in his chest. That should have been him and Remus. Not that he would ever do something as silly as read aloud to his lover, but it still hurt to think about it. Slipping the picture into his pocket, he strode down the hallway and into his room. As he shut the door behind him, he placed a strong locking and silencing charm on it. Sitting down on his bed, he removed his baggie from his pocket.

The drugs tumbled out onto the bed and he contemplated which one he would put into his system tonight. Making a decision at last, he opened his closet and rummaged around, coming out with a heavily warded chest. He sifted through it, finally coming up with what he needed.

Sitting back down, he swabbed his arm clean. He picked up the needle and smiled as the brown gooey substance slid into it. Without a second thought about what he was about to do, he shoved the needle into his arm. Once he was positive the needle was in his vein, he injected the drug into his system. He watched as the syringe filled with his own dark blood. Once he was satisfied that the drug had been administered, he pulled the needle out and banished the blood inside.


	15. Chapter 15

It only took a few moments for the drug to hit him. When it did, he felt a warming sensation throughout his entire body. The feeling almost overwhelmed him at first. He had forgotten what it felt like, having been clean for fifteen years now. Once he calmed down, he lay back on his bed and allowed the sensations to dominate his body. This feeling was unlike anything he had experienced in years. It was better than any orgasm he had ever had. Better than any release he had ever felt. It was simply amazing.

He continued to lay there and stare at the ceiling in a trance like state for hours. There was absolutely no telling how much time had passed. It could have been years and he would have never noticed. When he finally came back to himself, he heaved himself from the bed and began stumbling toward the door.

He stumbled into the kitchen, pulled out a bottle of Firewhiskey, and took a huge swig out of it. Barely registering the fact that his throat was on fire, he took two huge gulps before putting the bottle back down on the table. Just then, the portrait hole swung open and the boys entered the kitchen a few moments later.

"Severus!" Harry exclaimed and it barely registered in his mind that this was the first time the boy had addressed him by his given name.

"We thought you were dead! Do you have any idea what time it is?" He shrugged before taking another sip of Firewhiskey. He really didn't care as long as it was still Sunday.

"It's two o'clock!"

Severus did the math in his head as quickly as his current predicament would allow. He had been out of it for nearly seventeen hours. He hadn't slept in thirty hours. Hopefully it wouldn't be like this every time, he had a job after all. When he didn't show any concern for the time, the two boys began scanning him.

"Severus." Draco spoke quietly. "Are you alright? I know the last week has not been easy for you, but you can always talk to me. I know you are not a man who expresses your feelings, but it's just me. I won't judge you."

"Nor will I." Said Harry

It was very kind of them to offer their condolences, but he did not need them. He just wanted to be left alone. He just wanted to shoot up again. He just wanted to forget everything that had occurred. Forget that he'd fallen in love. Forget that he'd lost his love.

"Go do your homework boys." He said lamely, taking another gulp of the alcohol.

They didn't protest this time, but he didn't miss the look the two gave each other either as they exited the room. He put his head down on the table for a moment and must have drifted off for a few hours because it was pitch black when he looked out the window.

Sighing, he picked up his bottle and retreated to the living room. With a flick of his wand, the old muggle radio sitting in the corner of the room came on. Many would be shocked to find out he had the muggle device in his quarters, but he honestly preferred Muggle music to wizard music. The words seemed to hold more meaning. He couldn't explain it; it just felt that way to him.

The first station he flipped to was a sports station. He changed it, not caring about Muggle sports in the slightest. He lingered on the next station for a minute, enjoying the beat of the music. _"Put your glasses to the sky, damn I'm so high. And she fine, I be on it all night."_ Severus curled his lip in disgust and quickly changed the station. These muggles apparently had no respect for women. All they seemed to care about was partying and drinking. Looking at the bottle in his hand, he snorted to himself at the irony of his thoughts.

The next station he changed to was a country station. He strongly disliked this type of music, but before he could change it, some of the words began to catch his attention.

_"I really hate to let this moment go.  
>Touchin your skin and your hair fallin slow"<em>

He was lying in the hospital bed with Remus, brushing his hair out of his face, running his hand along his perfect body, losing himself in the other man.

_"When a goodbye kiss, feels like this"_

When was their last kiss? It took him a moment, but he finally remembered. It had been the day after they had made love to one another, before everything went straight to hell. They had just returned from lunch in the Great Hall. They were sitting side by side on the couch, catching up on their grading.

"Pass me the red ink babe." Remus had said.

Severus had opened his mouth to retort that he was not his slave, but then he had caught onto the name Remus had called him. It had just rolled off his tongue, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. As if he had been calling him that all of his life. Although he would never admit it, he had hidden a huge smile at the man's words before passing him the ink without complaint.

Remus had looked up at him with an odd expression on his face for a moment. Maybe the other man was shocked that he hadn't complained. Without so much of a warning, Remus grabbed his chin and pressed his lips to his. It only lasted a second, but it was a slow and sweet kiss. Neither of them had known it would be their last.

_"Don't you wanna stay here a little while?  
>Don't you wanna hold each other tight?<br>Don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight?  
>Don't you wanna stay here a little while?"<em>

The memories were beginning to hit him hard. He was coming down from his high and dissolving into an emotional wreck within seconds. He hated Remus. He hated him for making him feel this way. He hated him for turning him into a weeping old fool. He hated him for breaking his heart. He fucking hated him, but he was hopelessly in love with the man.

_"We can make forever feel this way.  
>Don't you wanna stay?"<em>

Severus finally broke, placing his head in his hands as the tears streamed down his cheeks.  
>Cursing himself for breaking down once again, but unable to quell his tears, he began chugging from his bottle. As he couldn't even think about moving to get his needle at the moment, the alcohol sitting in front of him was the next best thing. After a few seconds, his throat became immune to the burning sensation one got from drinking hard liquor.<p>

He lowered the bottle and sobs immediately began wracking throughout his body once again. Without a second thought, he tipped his head back and drained the rest of the bottle. For some reason, his drunken state wasn't numbing his pain in any way.

Frustrated with his body's reluctance to cooperate, he smashed the liquor bottle on the coffee table in front of him. It shattered with a loud crack. Fuck. The alcohol beginning to kick in completely now, he starting picking up the broken class with his fingers, not noticing the blood dripping out of his hands.

His arms were grabbed and pulled away from the coffee table. Draco and Harry were standing in front of him; completely white faced and scared looking. He made to stand and leave, they shouldn't have to see him like this. He had only half rose from his seat when he was forced back down.

Harry sat next to him on the couch and began picking the glass out of his wounds with a pair of tweezers he had found somewhere. Meanwhile, Draco was cleaning up the glass and blood littering the table as well as the carpet. Harry finished removing the glass, healed the wounds on his hand with his wand, and forced him to drink a blood replenishing potion.

All through this, Severus had not stopped crying. He could not stop crying if his life depended on it at the moment. He found himself leaning into Harry and his sobs reduced some as the younger boy wrapped his arms around him. He put his arms around the boys' torso, desperately clinging to him as they waited for Draco to finish cleaning up.

He felt himself being pulled up and allowed himself to be escorted to his bedroom. The boys closed the door behind him and he changed into a pair of Muggle sweatpants and a t-shirt. Just as he was about to lower himself into bed, the door swung open to reveal the boys in their pajamas.

Without a word, they climbed into bed and lay on either side of him. They scooted closer together until they were all pressed up against each other, barely unable to move. As much as he tried to fight the sleep that was coming, he was out like a light within minutes. Sometimes it was nice to be surrounded by people who cared.


	16. Chapter 16

He woke with a start, rolling on his side and feeling things crunching underneath his weight. His head felt like it were about to explode and his throat was so dry he couldn't utter a sound.

Opening his eyes, the room blurred for a moment before coming into focus. He had spent the last week in a drugged out daze, not really knowing or caring what he was doing. Luckily, he hadn't had anymore breakdowns like the other night. He had been beyond embarrassed the next morning and had kicked the boys out of his room.

Over the last week and a half, he had fallen into a sort of routine. If you could even call it that.

Get up, skip breakfast, have a glass of liquor with a few pills of some sort, write his classes instructions on the board for the day, zone out for the rest of the morning, make a pathetic attempt at eating lunch, sometimes take more pills, go through the same afternoon routine for his classes, go home, shoot up, skip dinner, and do whatever he felt like until the next morning.

He had barely slept at all and he knew it probably showed. He didn't care. It was nobody's business. Nobody gave a fuck anyways. The nasty greasy git of the dungeons had probably had his coffin destroyed, which is why he couldn't sleep. Severus glanced at the clock. It was nearly noon. Oh well, it wasn't a school day, or was it?

He cast a Tempus spell, which told him it was a Monday. Damn. He had already slept straight through all of his classes last Wednesday, but he had been able to play it off by saying he caught the stomach flu overnight. He doubted the same excuse would work again, but he was planning on trying it just the same.

Standing up, he cast a quick Scourgify charm to brush his teeth and slipped his shoes on. He was ready in two seconds flat, having been wearing his robes for Merlin knows how long. As he walked down the hallway, he spotted a figure sitting on his couch. He tried to creep by as silently as he could, but not silently enough. "Severus!" It was Minerva. He would know that voice anywhere. Damn, he was definitely in for it now.

"Yes?" He asked as she came to stand in front of him. He watched as her eyes swept over him, taking in his appearance. "I was just on my way to see Poppy, I think I've come down with another case of the flu." He lied, staring at the ground.

"Come with me." She ordered, beginning to walk toward the portrait hole. He opened his mouth to argue. "Don't say a word boy, just come on!" He followed her silently, wondering if he was about to be fired.

They finally reached the inside of her office and he turned to find that she had disappeared. What the hell was going on?

"SEVERUS!"

He jumped at the sudden noise, but narrowed his eyes as he realized where it had come from. That woman had brought him up here so the portrait of Albus Dumbledore could belittle him. How thoughtful.

"Yes?" He sighed, sitting down in the chair across from the headmistresses' desk and looking up at the portrait.

"Show me your arms." Damn that stupid old man! Why did he have such a good memory? He was the one who had saved him the last time he had relapsed, but that didn't mean he had to do so now!

"My arms are right here, see?" He lifted them up to the portrait. He was being a smartass and he knew it, but he didn't care.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." Dumbledore said.

"There is nothing to see on my arms, so showing them to you would be pointless."

Dumbledore sighed before speaking again. "Severus, many people are concerned with you. You've been skipping every meal except for lunch, where you barely eat anything. You've now missed two days' worth of classes, you look like you haven't slept in weeks, you stagger around the building like a drunk man, your quarters would be a mess if it weren't for the house elves and the two boys who live with you, you lock yourself in your bedroom every single night, and you haven't had any social contact in over a week. Now I beg of you, show me your arms."

Keeping a stoic expression on his face, Severus slowly pulled up his sleeves and held his arms out. Even he had to close his eyes briefly at what he saw there.

There were puncture marks up and down both of his arms, too many to count. His arms were purple in many spots from busting a vein when he couldn't get the needle in. Some of his marks were beginning to scab over, while others looked badly infected. He hadn't realized how awful it was until this moment.

"Severus." The portrait of Albus Dumbledore spoke quietly.

He just hung his head even lower, refusing to look up at the older man. He didn't want to see the disappointment that was probably lingering on his face. He didn't want to have to explain himself. He didn't want to admit that he was weak.

"Talk to me please."

"I do not know what to say..." He said slowly, pulling his sleeves back down. Albus did not reply, just waited for him to continue. "Up until two weeks ago, I was in a relationship with Remus Lupin. A relationship. Me. For once in my life, I was... happy. One night, we got into an argument. After he left, I drank myself stupid and showed up at his quarters. He kicked me out and I had a terrible hangover the next morning. Anyways, the next day was when Harry got hurt. Remus burst into the Hospital Wing and he threw me to the ground, screaming at me. He thought I...he thought I had hurt Harry like that. We have not spoken since."

Severus looked up at this point. "Do you judge me?" He asked.

"Why would I judge you?"

He staggered over his words for a moment. "For...for being with a man. For being with...him...a good man." While homosexuality was not looked down upon as a whole in the Wizarding world, it was still not completely accepted. He had no idea what the man sitting in front of him thought about the issue.

Also, Remus was a great man. Sure he had his moments, but he was wonderful. Whereas he was nothing but a retired Death Eater who harmed everybody that ever meant something to him. It was beyond him how anybody could ever love him.

The former headmaster was shaking his head and rolling his eyes. "Although it would be completely out of character for myself, I wouldn't be able to resist slapping you upside the head if I were standing in front of you right now."

Albus chuckled as he saw the startled look on his face.

"There are many things I have never told you about my life, Severus." He was suddenly very serious. Severus didn't say a word, just waited for him to continue. Why did he have a feeling he wasn't going to like what the older man had to say?

"When I was twenty years old, I fell in love for the first time. For the only time. It was scary. Pure insanity. I had no idea what I was doing. Neither of us did. It was also the most wonderful experience of my life. We were together for that entire summer. We learned from each other. We worked together for a great cause, or so I thought at the time. Worked together to find the Hallows. Then one night, everything changed. There was a big altercation between us and Aberforth. We all started throwing curses at one another and when the battle ended, my baby sister Ariana lay dead."

Tears were now leaking out from underneath his half-moon spectacles and there was silence in the air. Severus felt a sharp pang right in the center of his heart. He had known about Ariana. About what those terrible Muggles had done to her, about her accidental magical bursts, about how she had accidently murdered their mother. He had never known the details of her death, though. He doubted many people ever had. It was obvious that the headmaster had rarely talked about it, if ever.

He had never been a man of comfort, but he badly wished he could reach out to the man in that moment. Albus had always been a comfort to him and now it was his turn. It was his turn and he could not seize it.

He hated himself for killing the man in the portrait in front of him. He hated himself for killing the one family member he had left. He hated himself for killing the only person who had ever truly known him. He hated himself for killing the only person he had ever allowed himself to show emotion in front of or be comforted by. He wished he were dead. He would give anything to go back to that night and kill himself instead.

Without thinking, he lifted his hand up to the portrait and touched where the mans shoulder would be. Albus looked at him curiously.

"I cannot touch you." He stated.

"It's quite alright, my boy. The fact that you wish to do so speaks more about your character than actions ever could. Now where was I?" He paused for a moment. "Ah yes. We only met once more after that night. It was many, many years later. Things changed over those thirty years we went without seeing each other. The whole world changed, as a matter of fact. The one thing that did not change was my love. I still love him to this day."

Severus felt his eyes widen. "HIM?" He exclaimed. Perhaps he had heard wrong, but it sounded as if the headmaster had just informed him that he was gay himself. There was no way in hell. Although, when he thought about it, Albus had never showed any interest in women, wore purple sparkling robes, and obsessed over his beard. Now that he really thought about it, he was positively flaming.

Albus chuckled loudly. "Yes, him. I would have thought it were obvious. In all of my years I have never shown any interest in women. Severus, my point to this story is that you cannot allow a simple happening to tear your relationship apart with another person. Things happen, people do terrible things to one another and they wish they could take it back, but they cannot. We, as humans, have to learn to accustom ourselves. We have to learn how to forget and find it in our hearts to forgive. Without that ability, we will never be satisfied. I could not find it in my heart to forgive him and by the time I did, it was too late. I have spent almost my entire life grieving over him, as you spent the last sixteen years grieving over Lily. I would have to say that my situation is worse than yours, Severus. You see, I am the reason he no longer inhabits this earth."

"Y-y-y-y-ou mean you k-k-killed h-him?" He choked out. Did he really just say that? What was this world coming to? He could never picture the other man killing somebody out of revenge. No matter what they had done to deserve it. This was Albus Dumbledore they were talking about with his twinkling eyes and those damned lemon drops.

"I would never kill out of revenge, Severus." He said, as if he could read his mind. "I would have thought that you with your brilliant mind and all would be able to figure out who this man was."

Severus thought for a moment. Albus had killed this man, not out of revenge...so that would mean it would have been in a battle...He said they didn't meet again until they were fifty...The year would have been 1945...He felt his eyes widen. No way. It couldn't be...

"You mean to say...it wasn't...Grindelwald?"

Albus nodded his head. "Ah yes, yes it was."

That was when it all hit him. What had this world come to? He knew about the battle between the two men, it was over the fact that Grindelwald was killing off Muggles. He wanted to teach them their place in the world, at the bottom of it. Albus had said that they had been working together for the greater good, or so they thought at the time. He had at one point felt the same way toward Muggles as Grindelwald, the Dark Lord, and many of the Death Eaters had. Of course he would feel that way after what those Muggles had done to his little sister. It was all beginning to make perfect sense now.

That fight...that was when Albus had obtained the Elder Wand. For all of these years, he had wondered why the old man hadn't destroyed the wand. He thought it had something to do with the war, but it had nothing to do with it. That wand was the only possession he had left of the man he loved. It was a selfish move, but he understood it.

He stood suddenly, his chair scraping back. "Thank you."

"For what, my boy?" He asked. Severus saw the twinkle in his eyes and knew that he knew damn well what for. He shook his head, smiling a little.

"I have to go find Remus."


	17. Chapter 17

As he left the headmistresses office, he started speed walking toward the Great Hall. He didn't slow his pace and he didn't pause for even a moment as he walked down the corridors. He knew if he did that he would lose his nerve. What he was about to do was so out of character for him, that he assumed many people would pass out from the shock. He didn't care. He needed to get to Remus as soon as possible. He didn't want to waste another moment being angry, being upset, pondering over what could have been.

Remus had hurt him like no other, but he had also healed him like no other. He had made him realize that opening your heart to another did not make you weak, it made you human. He had showed him that life always gave you a second chance. All of those times that he had pushed Remus away from him, thinking that he was being clingy, he hadn't realized that it was the other mans way of showing him how much he cared. It was his way of reassuring him that he was loved.

At least, he thought the other man loved him. He wasn't sure. Not after his actions and not after he remembered a particular conversation they had when they were friends. All he could do was hope.

Over the last week, Remus had not tried to talk to him anymore. Severus had assumed it was because he had moved on, but he realized that it was his way of letting him go. He had been so stupid. The man had made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes in life and he couldn't just cast them away for it.

He finally reached the doors to the Great Hall and flung them open. He swept through the rows like usual, but without the usual look on his face. It was only as he was passing the Gryffindor table that he realized there were no teachers present at the staff table, only a few students who had a free period. They were looking at him as if he had gone completely mental. Maybe he had.

Realizing that he needed time to think without doing something irrational, he headed back to his quarters. He probably should have gone to relieve the substitute teacher down in his classroom, but he needed time in order to come up with a plan.

Walking through the front door, he headed to his room and began cleaning up the mess that had accumulated in there over the past week. There were clothes, books, and parchment littering the floor. His bed was covered in candy wrappers, old photographs and letters, empty bottles of alcohol, socks, magazines, half full pill bottles, some Muggle change, cotton swabs, and a Muggle lighter John had given him the other night. It took over an hour to put everything back in its place, but his room was finally normal looking at last.

He then headed off to take a shower, unable to remember the last time took one. As he let the hot water wash over him, he thought about how to approach Remus. He could just walk up to him and belt out the first thing that came to mind. Or he could plan the entire thing out. The second option sounded like a better idea. But what would he do?

Almost all of the hot water had gone from the shower before he finally decided what he was going to do. He hurried out of the bathroom and changed into a pair of jeans and a nice sweater before making his way to the apparation point.

Severus was standing at the top of the Astronomy tower, his stomach twisting in knots. He had sent Remus a note at dinner, instructing him to meet him at the Astronomy tower at half past eight. He had no idea whether the other man would even bother to show up or not. He hoped he would. And soon at that. He was beginning to lose his nerve.

On cue, the door swung open and Remus appeared. He slowly made his way up the stairs, looking nervous himself. Neither of them spoke for a moment as he came to stand in front of him.

"I love you." Severus said. "I did not say it to you in order to convince you to commit sexual acts with me. I said it to you because I meant it. You have showed me what it is like to love again. I am still working on changing who I used to be and you have had a huge impact in that department.

After that day in the Hospital Wing, I tried to convince myself that I could live without you, but I soon realized that I cannot. I…if you do not want me…if you did not mean it when you said that you loved me…if you were merely pretending as you had done with Nymphadora…then I can understand why. Just…please…give me something to go on."

His little speech could have gone better, but for him, it was practically a miracle in itself. A few months ago, he would not have been able to say half of what he had just said.

Remus stepped closer to him and began to reach out to him, but seemed to think better of it at the last possible second.

"Severus" He said, looking truly hurt for a moment.

"How could you possibly think that I was simply pretending? You mean more to me than words can ever express. I love every little thing about you. I love how you watch me when you think I'm sleeping. I love how you make fun of that Muggle series about the vampires to no end, but you secretly read it anyways. I love how you think I don't notice the little pet names you call me. I love how you secretly cheer for Gryffindor during the Quiddich matches. I love how you scare everybody half to death, but I know your just a big softy on the inside. I love how you dance around the house when you think your alone. I love how your socks never match and how you have a stash of junk food in your room. I love the way you blush at me, the way you scowl at me, and the way you smile at me. I love you and everything that comes along with it. I want you. For as long as you will have me."

Severus closed his eyes tight for a moment, not wanting to let the other man see the emotion in his eyes. It was going to take a wile before he could do that around another, having spent so long distancing himself. But with Remus, he was willing to try. He wanted to open his heart and mind to this man. Let himself become the man that he had always wanted to be. He would do it all for Remus.

He truly knew him, perhaps even better than he knew himself. And he wanted to be his, for as long as he would have him. He would not say it quite yet, but he planned on having him forever. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day.

"So that's why half of my candy has disappeared from my nightstand."

"Shut up." Remus said before kissing him on the lips.

There it was. That feeling unlike anything he had ever experienced in his entire life. Fireworks, alarm bells, were going off in his head. This was what felt right. This was exactly where he was supposed to be.

They broke apart and Severus smiled down at him. Not one of the half smiles he usually gave the man, a real genuine smile. "Come on." He said, pulling him over to the spot he had prepared. They both sat down on the large blanket he had laid out and Severus decided that now was the perfect moment. He pulled out two brown packages from his jean pockets and handed them to the other man.

Remus looked at him curiously for a moment before opening the first package. It was a thick wooden bracelet with a werewolf painted onto it. Emeralds surrounded the werewolf's eyes as well as the moon painted in the background. Severus had bought it at a Muggle shop in London earlier that day.

"It's beautiful." Remus breathed, going to fasten the bracelet around his wrist immediately.

Severus smirked as the man struggled to tie the strings together. Only a Muggle contraption would have something this complicated on it. After watching him struggle for a moment, he swatted his hands away and tied it for him. "It's also a Portkey. Turn it to the left and say the password to activate it. It goes straight to my sitting room. It will activate anywhere, regardless of wards, spells, and charms. It is also indestructible and cannot be removed from your body by force."

Remus beamed at him before turning his head to the side and whispering a password. He was curious as to what it was, but he didn't ask, just gestured at the man to open his other gift. This was the one he was the most nervous about. He hoped it was not rejected.

Remus looked at him curiously as the tiny silver key fell out of the package. He cleared his throat before beginning to speak. "It goes to my home in London. You don't have to use it, I just thought…" He trailed off, a blush creeping up his cheeks. Never before had he invited somebody into his personal home. He hoped it was not a mistake.

He watched as the man carefully pocketed the key before pulling him into a hug. It startled him, but he hugged him back, not letting go for several minutes. He lay down on the blanket, staring up at the sky. He had a completely clear view of the stars from here. The sky looked so beautiful tonight.

"So which one is the Milky Way?" Remus asked

Severus smiled and interwined their fingers before beginning to talk.


	18. Chapter 18

They must have fallen asleep cuddling on the blanket because when he next awoke it was beginning to get light out and he was freezing his ass off. He smiled to himself as he looked down to where Remus was lying on his chest, peacefully sleeping. He really didn't want to wake him up, but he knew they could not stay where they were.

"Hey" He whispered, shaking him gently. "Remus, wake up." The other man began to stir, mumbling incoherently and attempting to bury himself in his shoulder even farther. "Oh no you don't, get up you imbecile!" He shook him a little harder.

Remus opened his eyes. "Whasgoinon?"

"It's nearly morning, we fell asleep out here."

"So it wasn't a dream?" He asked, sitting up and looking around.

Severus smiled "No, it wasn't."

The two men stood and crept back inside the castle. Once they reached the staircase that led to Remus's quarters, they both hesitated. They stood in awkward silence for a few moments before Remus grabbed him arm and led the way.

After what seemed like forever, they reached his quarters and went inside. He noticed immediately that something was different, but he could not pinpoint the source of it. Studying the living room for a moment longer, he realized what it was. Remus had arranged his sitting room to look like a near perfect model of his own. He felt a weird squeezing sensation in his heart as he followed him into the bedroom.

They both stripped down to their boxers and got into bed together. He glanced over at the alarm clock and saw that it was half past four. No wonder he felt as if he had just been hit by a truck. Remus turned over to face him and for a moment, they just looked into one another's eyes. He could not even begin to describe how good it felt to have him back in his life.

Severus reached out and began caressing his cheek, loving the way Remus closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. He scooted closer and closed his eyes. They sought out each other's lips in the darkness and met in a slow, but sweet kiss. All thoughts were lost as the other man's mouth moved over his for the longest time. They were both completely out of breath, but they refused to come up for air. They refused to let this feeling go away.

This feeling of complete bliss, of complete love and affection. This was the longest they had ever kissed without things getting sexual. He was glad for this, as he did not want to go down that route too soon. Especially when that was the reason everything had gone to hell last time.

They finally broke apart, gasping for air, but smiling just the same. He motioned for Remus to turn over so he could put his arm around him, but found himself being jerked to his chest instead. They both lay on their sides, legs and arms wrapped around each other. The feeling of his chest pressed up against someone else's was making him uncomfortable and a little panicky, but he tried as hard as he could to ignore it. This was Remus, he had no reason to be as uncomfortable as he was.

When he next awoke, it was to that man's stupid alarm clock blaring. Not beeping like it was supposed to, blaring like a bloody fire alarm those Muggles used. He rolled over and began hitting it repeatedly. He wished the damn thing would just shut up already! It finally quit its obnoxious blaring and he began drifting off into a half sleep.

Before he could fully submerge himself to his tiredness, Remus was trying to shake him awake. "Leave me." He mumbled. When the impossible man just continued at his antics, he pulled the covers over his head and shut his eyes tight. He was acting childish, but to hell with it. All he wanted was sleep.

He was so tired and he had a feeling it had to do with his lack of drug usage for the past twelve hours. He had no reason to want to put the stupid drugs into his system any longer. He had no reason, yet he felt like he needed to at that very moment.

The shaking of his person finally ceased. Not even a moment later, the man had thrown a pillow at his head. Severus reached his hand out from under the covers and flung it back in the direction it had come from, hoping he didn't miss. "Missed me." Well damn.

He felt the pillow come down on top of him again, yet this time it repeatedly did so. He quickly crawled out from under the covers and picked up the nearest pillow. Remus backed up slowly, but not slowly enough. Severus hit him over the head with it, giving him the expression that sent seventh years crying. It had no effect on him what-so-ever. The man even started laughing at him, hitting every part of him he could reach with his own pillow.

Before he knew it, they were both chasing each other around the room, roaring with laughter. Never before had he allowed himself to be this open, to feel this free. It was a great feeling. He finally charged at Remus from across the room, sending him flying to the ground. The other man wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him down with him.

Remus leaned up to kiss him, but Severus moved out of his reach and they wrestled around on the ground for a long moment. He finally managed to pin him underneath him. He leaned in until his mouth was centimeters away from the other mans, making him think he was going to kiss him. At the last possible second he pulled away and smashed Remus over the head with a pillow instead.

Their fun was interrupted ten minutes later when a bell rang, signaling the end of breakfast. They quickly rolled off of each other and scrambled to get ready. While Remus changed, Severus brushed his teeth with the other man's toothbrush, used his cologne, and combed his hair. He wrinkled his nose as he looked down at his robes. He could not remember the last time he changed them.

He walked back into the bedroom to find Remus fully dressed and digging through the closet. When he finally submerged, he was holding a pair of navy blue robes in his hands. He held them out to him.

"What am I supposed to do with these?" He asked.

"Wear them." Remus smirked.

He raised an eyebrow "Why in Merlin's name would I do that?"

"Well if you'd rather wear those, be my guest." He said, setting them down on the bed and exiting the room.

Ten minutes later he was dressed in the hideous blue robes and heading down to the dungeons. Remus was walking with him until they reached the third floor, where his classroom was located. "If one person laughs at me, I am going to jinx YOU." He threatened. Remus just laughed and took his hand. Severus allowed this for a brief moment before jerking his hand away. "I worry that you're turning sentimental on me."

They reached the outside of his classroom and he gave the man a quick kiss as he hurried into the classroom. He turned on his heel to find a group of third years gaping at him. "Ten points from Ravenclaw and Gryffindor for lingering in the corridors!" He shouted. They closed their mouths and scrambled away as fast as possible.

To tell the truth, the whole angry thing was just an act. He was actually highly amused at the entire thing. People were so shocked by him showing any human tendencies that they actually gaped and stared when they saw him doing so. He could have some serious fun with this.

He was ten minutes late to his first class, but it was a group of first years. He had already scared them to death over the past few weeks, so they were quietly waiting for him when he arrived. He actually attempted to teach his morning classes for once, but his energy was slowly running out.

He was so desperate to have some kind of drug in his body that he was beginning to shake and sweat. He was in an extremely irritable mood as well. He even took points from his own house during his fifth year class. Nothing could keep his attention and it was just getting worse as the day progressed.

He walked into lunch in a horrible mood, even managing to startle some of the older students with the look on his face. He took a seat next to Remus, not missing the timid expression on his face as he did so.

"How were your morning classes." He asked him. Severus suddenly felt extremely annoyed with everything and everyone around him.

"Fine, Lupin." He replied in a dangerous tone. Remus seemed to take the hint and backed off, shoving food into his mouth at a rapid pace. He was slowly beginning to lose his appetite and picked at a bacon sandwich, not really eating it as much as spreading the pieces out across his place. When the bell rang to signal that lunch was over, he scraped his chair back and strode from the room.

He headed to the dungeons and began teaching his fourth year class. Halfway through, he left the room, claiming he had to run an errand. The truth was that he couldn't take it anymore. He was having extreme withdrawals. As much as he had tried to fight it, he just couldn't. The need was too strong. The want was too overwhelming.

Quickly, he rushed into his bedroom and dug through his nightstand, finally producing a needle and the heroin he had just bought three days ago. He prepared the needle and stuck the needle in his vein as fast as possible without putting his life in danger. The second the drug entered his system, he felt an immediate relief. He threw everything back in the drawer and put some eye drops in his eyes. Hurrying through his house, he downed two shots of Firewhiskey before heading back to his classroom.

The high began to kick in fully an hour later. Unfortunately, this was also his seventh year class with Draco and Harry. The students filed into the room and he prayed that the eye drops had done their job. It wouldn't do for anybody to discover his drug usage. The boys had been watching him more closely ever since his breakdown that one night. He barely felt high, so he figured it would be alright to stand and pass the tests out.

As he did so, his head began spinning. He gripped the edge of the desk to keep from falling over. Being above the influence for nearly twenty four hours had lowered his tolerance level again. He swayed on the spot for a moment, hoping nobody would notice his unsteadiness. To make up for it, he glared at the whole class.

"I expect you all to pass this test. It would be a shame if somebody got a T or a D, now wouldn't it?" He steadied himself and began to pass out the papers, going slower than usual. Draco and Harry both shot him looks as he reached them, but he pretended not to notice.

At the end of class, he ordered everybody to leave their papers on his desk so he wouldn't have to get up again. Thank Merlin this was his last class of the day. The high had fully kicked in and he was getting into the state of zoning out for long periods of time. The door finally shut and he leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. Not even a moment later, the door slammed back open. His eyes shot open and he watched as Harry strode into the room.

"What?" He sighed. He really wasn't in the mood to be questioned about his behavior. He raised an eyebrow as Harry sent several locking and privacy charms at the classroom door before turning back to him.

"Show me your arms."

God damn everyone! It wasn't even that obvious! He wasn't dealing with this again. "Get out, Potter." He looked back down and pretended to start grading the papers in front of him.

"Petrificus Totalis!" He plunged his hands inside his robes for his wand a second too late and the spell hit him square in the chest. He felt his body snap together, his wand roll away, and he fell back against his desk chair. He was going to fucking kill the boy when he released him.


	19. Chapter 19

Potter moved forward and drug him up so he was sitting in his desk chair once again. He was close enough to choke, but fortunately for the boy, he was still paralyzed. He tried with all of his strength to break free of the body bind, but it was no use as Har-Potter began unbuttoning his sleeves. His pale flesh came into view and so did his arms.

They were still bruised, infected, and purple looking. He was not surprised as Harry gasped out loud as he took in the sight in front of him. It was a lot to take in for a person who had never delt with this kind of a drug addiction before. Or any, in Potters case.

Potter stared down at his arms, examining them closely with a strange calmness hanging over him. He raised his wand and accioed something underneath his breath. Not even a moment later, he saw phials from his own personal stores zooming toward the boy. He struggled to break away from the bond holding him in place, but there was no use. It was too strong.

Potter had opened one of the phials and he recognized it immediately. Bruise balm. He was angry as the younger boy began rubbing the balm all over each of his bruises. They did not completely disappear, but they faded considerably in a moment's time. Potter applied some sort of Muggle cream he had summoned from upstairs to the infected wounds. By the time he was done, Severus was starting to grow dangerously angry at the boy. He would most likely attack him if the bond broke.

He didn't need the boys help in healing his wounds. He was perfectly capable himself. The fact that he had not treated them should have indicated that he wished to have his arms in that state. That sounded really fucking mental. It was the truth, though. He had reasoned with himself that if he was going to have to go down this path again, he might as well bare the marks that came along with it.

The phials that had been summoned packed themselves away with the flick of Potters wand. He watched as Potter walked around to the front of his desk, facing away from him. "You fucking idiot!" He had turned around in an instant and slammed his fist down onto the desk. "You need to stop. Right now. Do it for me. Do it for Draco. Do it for Remus. Do it for Dumbledore. Do it for my mother. I don't give a damn who you do it for, as long as you fucking stop because this is not okay, Severus! This is bad. Really fucking bad. God damnit you idiot!" Potter continued to rant and rave about his idiocy for what felt like days.

Severus could not wrap his mind around the fact that this was upsetting him so much. They had been livng peacefully together for a few months, but he didn't know that Harry cared this deeply for him. He understood things from his point of view completely. He would be reacting just the same if the situation was the other way around, but probably with more drastic measures.

He was touched at the boys concern as he continued to rant about how he was never allowing him out of his sight again. The concern was not needed, though. It wasn't Harrys body or his life. It was his. He was thirty six years old for Merlins sake! He could make his own decisions about the way he lived his life.

Maybe Harry had a point, though. Maybe he was a fucking idiot. No, not maybe, he was.

This drug had overtaken his life three times now. Once when he was sixteen, once when he was twenty four, and now he was thirty six years old and still falling back into old ways. He was not an idiot, he knew how dangerous this drug was. He knew the damage it was doing to his body every second that it remained in his system. That didn't matter, though.

What mattered was the feeling he got from the heroin entering his bloodstream. What mattered was the way the high took him from his familiar dark place into the unfamiliar light. The drug had become his lifeline over the past few weeks and he wasn't letting it go for anything.

Harry pointed his wand and muttered "Finite". The body bind fully broke and he jumped up as fast as possible, pulling his wand out. He was absolutely livid as he swept across the room and slammed the boy up against the wall.

"You will not speak about this to anybody and I do mean anybody. Not Draco, not Remus, nobody. If I find out you have-" He pressed his wand to the inside of his neck in a threatening manner. "Well, we'll just deal with that when the time comes." He smirked in great satisfaction as Harry nervously gulped and nodded his head up and down.

"Good. Now get out of my sight."

Harry remained standing there, though. He was looking at him in a way. He didn't seem angry, happy, or sad. He could not for the life of him explain the look he was giving him. It was making him extremely uncomfortable. "Promise me-" He said, his voice cracking surprisingly. "Promise you'll stop doing it."

Severus felt his eyes widen at Harrys request. He wanted to tell him that he was not going to stop for anybody or anything, but found that even he didn't have the heart to do so with the way the boy was acting. "I will stop." He promised. No way in hell was he actually stopping, but it was alright to allow Harry to think so for now. He was going to stop. He was. He just didn't know when or how.

He finally re-emerged for dinner that night, feeling like a complete ass for ignoring Remus all day and treating him the way he did at lunch. He walked into the Great Hall and looked up at the staff table. He felt his blood beginning to boil as he did so. That fucking troll Trelawney was sitting in his usual spot, batting her droopy little eyes at Remus. Since when did that woman leave her creepy, pink, perfumed, haven? Never before had he wanted to live up to his Death Eater part and begin ripping a person limb from limb, torturing them to their death.

He felt eyes on him as he realized that he had stopped mid-stride and stared at the staff table in anger. He marched up to the table and came to stand behind the wretch of a woman. Every eye in the Great Hall was watching the display. Oh god, he couldn't wait to hear the rumors that would begin circulating the school. He had totally gone bat shit. Lupin, Trelawney, and Snape had become a threesome. He really hated teenagers with a thriving passion.

"Ahem." He cleared his throat. Remus had already looked up at him with pleading eyes. He probably should have found the entire situation to be amusing, but there was nothing funny at this point. This troll was flirting with what belonged to him. "I believe you are in my seat." She looked up from throwing herself at Remus to study him for a moment. He gave her his best death glare, the one he reserved for first years and until this year, Harry Potter.

"O-of course P-p-p-professor Snape." She stuttered upon seeing how murderous he currently was. She got up and took the seat next to his instead. He sat down next to Remus. The two stared at each other for a moment before he leaned forward and kissed him. It wasn't a life shattering, soul searching kind of kiss. It wasn't a soft, romantic kind of kiss. It was just an "I'm sorry for being a complete asshole." kind of kiss.

It was over in an instant and he felt eyes upon him. Staring at him. Watching him. Judging him. He paid them no attention, not caring what anybody thought anymore. He did take it upon himself to sneak a look at Trelawney who looked shocked and a little embarrassed as well. Good.

He focused his attention back on Remus, waiting for him to say something, anything. The kiss had been his way of apologizing without having to say the words. He hoped that the other man would realize this and accept it. The one thing he wasn't sure if he could ever do was give somebody the satisfaction of admitting he was wrong to their face. Severus was always right and there were absolutely no exceptions to this.

He truly did hope that Remus wasn't too mad at him, but he wouldn't fault him if he was. Remus simply gave him a small smile before offering him the Shepherd's Pie sitting in front of him. It looked like he was forgiven. He scooped out a rather large serving of it, as his high was making him extremely hungry. He poured a glass of Pumpkin Juice to go with it and began eating.

"I missed you." Remus said quietly to his left. He didn't reply for a moment. He really felt like shit now. He had ignored the man he was supposed to love all day, treated him like shit at lunch, and had caused a miniature scene in the Great Hall. He had done all that and his lover had simply whispered that he missed him. Remus really was too good of a man for him.

"And I, you." He whispered back. It was the closest he could allow himself to come to actually saying the real thing. At least it was a step toward becoming the man he wished to be. He wanted to be like Remus, so open with his heart, but he knew it was going to take some time. His whole life had consisted of hiding his every emotion, turning himself into a cold, emotionless, human being.

He had to conceal a genuine grin as he felt Remus begin stroking his wrist underneath the table. He relocated his fork to his right hand and began rubbing his thumb over his knuckles in a loving gesture. He saw the look of surprise that passed over Remus's face as he did so. The other man knew that he thought holding hands was for sentimental old fools.

Well maybe he was turning into a sentimental old fool himself.


	20. Chapter 20

Severus stomped into the Great Hall as usual, but for once there wasn't a look of malice on his face. He had barely gotten any sleep the night before. Last night had been the full moon and he had stayed up half the night in Remus's absence. He had gone out to the Womping Willow after dinner and Severus had not seen him since, not that he really expected him to show up for breakfast. He would probably sleep for a few more hours as it was.

The transformation always wore him out. It made him extremely weak and fatigued. Severus had helped him keep his mind by brewing him the Wolfsbane Potion, but it was not enough. He hated the thought of the other man being in so much pain. He wished it were possible for him to create something that would rid Remus of the pain that came with shifting from human to wolf and back again.

He took his usual seat at the breakfast table, scowling as he began to fork some food onto his plate. Mornings were bad enough for him as it was. They were absolutely terrible without Remus to talk to and joke with. They had spent the past few days together, not wanting to part for even a moment.

Severus was proud of himself for how open he was learning to become. Gone were the days when he was too nervous to touch the other man. Gone were the days where he flinched at the slightest touch. He was not fully there yet, but he was at least halfway.

He was thankful that they were not getting tired of spending most of their spare time together. They graded papers together, played stupid games with the boys, and simply sat together and talked for hours. They separated only late at night when Remus retired to his chambers and Severus retired to his own bed.

Despite all of this, an apparent awkwardness still hung in the air around them at certain times. Severus felt this when their kiss would get a little too heated and one of the two would pull away before things could go any further. He felt this every time the three words he so wished to say again hung on the tip of his tongue, but he could not bring himself to say them.

They had not talked about what had happened the night of their huge fight, or the night that Harry had been injured. Neither of them wanted to bring up the bad memories of the past and ruin this good thing they had going between them. He knew one of them would have to bring it up sooner or later and he was really dreading that conversation.

He was also still battling his own addictions, unknown to anybody but himself. He could not bring himself to stop shooting up. It was stupid and harmful and foolish of him, but he needed it. He needed to feel that high. He needed to go to that unfamiliar place. Without it, he might just go completely mental. Last night had been one of the rare occasions where he had indulged himself. Remus was already inside the Shrieking Shack and the boys had gone to bed early.

He had shot up, as usual, but he had also managed to sneak off the grounds to buy some Ecstasy pills. The high that came from those was completely indescribable and he would give anything to feel that way all of the time. It was as if he connected with everything and everyone. He wanted to feel every texture in the carpet, read every book on the shelf, and merge with the objects around him.

The pills also made him extremely horny. Remus had not been around, but fortunately he'd had his left hand available. He could never have sex with Remus again, he realized. The man would see the puncture marks and bruises lining his arms. He would discover his little secret. He would probably leave him. He could not let that happen. Not when he had just gotten him back.

"Severus!" Minerva exclaimed as she noticed him for the first time. Why did she have to be such a morning person? He could not stand the cheery sound of her voice at such an un-godly hour. He felt like hitting her with a silencing spell. "I'm surprised to see you at breakfast. I thought you would be checking up on Remus."

The rest of the staff turned to stare at him at her words. Damn her for having such a loud mouth. And damn them for listening. They really needed to learn how to mind their own business. "I thought I'd let him sleep for a few more hours. I'm sure he is extremely worn out from the transformation. I already offered to teach a few of his classes today. " He said.

"You really are just a big softie underneath all that meanness, aren't you?" Aurora joked from his right.

He felt himself sneering at her words. Him? Soft? Hell would freeze over before that happened. He was still as mean as ever. To prove his point, he shot her a look of disgust before scraping back his chair and striding throughout the aisles, his robes dangerously billowing out behind him.

Severus slammed the door open to Remus's classroom. The students all stopped their chattering immediately when they realized that it was their greasy Potions Master. He pointed his wand at the shutters, silently slamming them shut. He liked it to be dark when he was teaching. Windows were a distraction for a lot of the students.

He marched to the front of the room, pulling down the projector as he went. Looking up, he was satisfied to find all of the students watching him curiously apart from Harry, Draco, and Hermione. They had known that he would be teaching today's lesson ahead of time.

"Who can tell me three indications that a person has been subjected to the Imperius curse?"

A few hands raised and he was debating on whom to call on when a voice rang out from the rest. "Where's Professor Lupin?" He sought out the source of the voice, surprised to find that it was one of his Slytherins who had interrupted the class. Theodore Nott, to be precise.

"He has fallen ill." He replied shortly, having no patience for nosiness.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot that the full moon was last night." Nott smirked. "I just knew I heard howling all the way down in the dungeons."

Severus was growing annoyed. He was aware that the entire school knew of Remus's condition. He had himself to think for that, actually. He still didn't feel like it was a subject that needed to be brought to everybody's attention. "Quiet, Nott. Professor Lupins current condition is none of your concern." He warned. He turned back to the class and began to address them. "Now as I was say-"

"No, but it certainly is of your concern. After all, you're the one who's fucking him." Nott interrupted him. Gasps emitted from the entire class.

Severus clenched his fist together inside of his robes, hand curled around his wand. He would love nothing more than to curse the boy into obliviation, but he legally could not do so. In all of his teaching career, only one other student had ever dared to speak to him in such a way. He had made sure to make her life a living hell for the remainder of her sixth and seventh years. Everybody knew not to mess with him or test his temper. It normally was not a very pretty sight.

He did not utter a single word for the longest amount of time. He simply looked back at the boy, completely livid on the inside. The scraping of a chair was what finally managed to bring him back into reality. "Shut the fuck up, Nott."

Harry had stood and drawn his wand. It was now pointing at Nott's chest. He deeply wished he could allow him to shoot at the boy full range, but once again, he legally could not allow it. He slammed his fists down on the desktop. Nott recoiled from him as he leaned forward, so close that their noses were practically touching.

"One hundred and fifty points from Slytherin and two weeks detention with Filch." He snarled in his face.

Nott stared at him in horror and he smirked right back at him.

He heard groans from around them and a few gasps. He pulled back to find a few Slytherins looking shocked at the punishment he had just awarded Nott. Most of them didn't look too shocked, though. They just looked extremely pissed off at the both of them. Oh well. His job was to make the students hate him. Speaking of doing his job, he still had to punish Harry for his outburst, although he had found it simply amusing.

"Oh and five points from Gryffindor, Harry. Now sit down." Fuck. He had not meant to call the boy by his first name in front of the class. It had just slipped out on accident. He glanced around to see the entire class whispering and staring at him as if he had gone temporarily insane. Harry and Draco were simply smirking from the front of the room. This was going to be an exceedingly long lesson.

By the time lunchtime swung around, he felt as if it had officially been the longest morning of his life. After dealing with Remus's horrid class, he'd had to go town to the dungeons to teach the most incompetent second years he had ever had the misfortune of teaching. It was like teaching twenty miniature Neville Longbottom's.

Instead of heading to the Great Hall, he headed to his personal quarters instead. He pulled a bottle of Firewhiskey from the cabinet and summoned himself a shot glass. He did three shots of the alcohol. Enough to feel something, but not enough to make him unable to teach or for anybody to notice. He then opened the fridge and grabbed an orange and a few grapes to eat for lunch. It wasn't much, but up until a few days ago he had been skipping nearly every meal so anything was an improvement to that.

He quickly finished his food and headed out of his quarters. He walked along the many corridors, cursing the school for having so many steps that he had to walk up. After some time, he finally reached the fifth floor where Remus's quarters were located. He looked around before muttering the password and slipping inside the door. He could just see an idiot student putting a monitoring charm on the room or something equally stupid if they were to overhear the password.

The wolfs chambers were extremely dark and he could immediately tell that Remus hadn't been out of bed yet. This transformation must have been one of the worse ones then. He crept throughout the small living quarters as quietly as he could, not wanting to disturb the sleeping man. He pulled open the bedroom door slowly, cursing it in his mind as it creaked and cracked.

Looking over at the bed, he saw Remus beginning to stir. He looked unbearably weak as he opened his eyes and looked around the room. He smiled as he became aware of his presence, but Severus didn't miss the wince of pain that came when he slowly propped himself halfway up on the pillows.

He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, rummaging through the pockets of his cloak. He pulled out a phial and unscrewed the lid. "Here. It's Pepper Up. It won't take the pain away, but it should make you feel a little better."

Remus downed the phial in a few gulps. He handed it back to him and tried to sit up fully, but let out a low gasp of pain as he did so. "Stop moving, fool!" Severus reprimanded him, but his tone was lighter than normal.

"Was trying to come to you." He croaked in a barely audible voice.

Severus felt a tugging on the strings of his heart as he looked down at his lover. He had lay back down completely and now had his eyes closed. The blankets had moved down and he smiled as he saw that Remus was wearing his t-shirt with the wolf on it. He would rather die than admit it, but the man looked completely adorable in it.

He kicked off his shoes and removed his clothing until he was in his sweater and jeans. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he maneuvered himself so he was sitting half up against the pillows. Remus forced himself to sit up again, ignoring the warning look that he shot his way.

Severus waited until he had finished moving before jerking the other man to his chest. Remus ended up laying on his right side with his head on his chest. He began running his hand lightly up and down his spine. Remus kissed his shoulder and he felt an extremely unfamiliar tingling running through his fingers and into the pit of his stomach at the action. They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before Remus asked him how his day had been so far.

"Hell." He replied. "Absolute hell."

"Why has it been hell?" Remus asked.

"Do you really want to know?" He was aware of his tendency to complain about every little thing when the time granted for it.

"Mhmmm" He mumbled, wrapping an arm around his waist.

He took a deep breath. Where to begin, where to begin.

"Well first of all I had to get up at seven o'clock in the morning. That will ruin anybody's day. Then I get to eat breakfast with an annoying staff who cannot mind their own business." 'And you weren't there' He added silently. "Then there was a gigantic scene in your seventh year defense class."

"What kind of scene?" He frowned.

"Nott made a few comments about how the full moon was last night. I told him your business was none of his concern. He then made remarks about you and I. I believe his exact words were "After all, you are the one who's fucking him." He felt himself grow angry again as he repeated the words out loud.

He felt himself grow alarmed as Remus began to chuckle quietly from underneath him. "I don't see what you could possibly find to be so…amusing."

"Oh come on, Severus. It only angers you because somebody disrespected you despite this mean old Potions Master you portray yourself as."

That wasn't it at all. Well, maybe a little, but it wasn't the reason he had considered hexing the child until he resembled a gigantic Flobberworm.

"It angers me because somebody disrespected you." He said quietly, feeling the feeling of his face heating up as it did every single time he said something that would be filed into the sentimental category.

Remus lifted his head from his chest and stared up at him. He felt as if he had done something wrong as the man continued to stare at him without speaking. Their eyes finally met and he studied his face. The look on his face wasn't angry, but it wasn't happy either. It was scrutinizing.

He didn't have time to think about what that kind of look meant because suddenly Remus's lips were moving on his. Their kiss was slow and sweet and it could have gone on for hours. He felt Remus caressing his cheek and realized that he had started to brush his fingertips through the man's sandy hair. Normally he would have stopped himself, but Remus suddenly sighed in contentment. He continued to repeat the action, smiling through the kiss.

They finally surfaced for air, but they didn't pull away from one another. Their foreheads continued to touch and their eyes were closed. He slipped both of his arms around his waist and drew him as close as possible. Remus let out a squeak of surprise before burying his face in his shoulder and wrapping his arm around his waist.

Severus hated cuddling with a passion. He thought it was for fools who had too much time on their hands. The only time it was acceptable for him was at bedtime. Despite these feelings, he never wanted to move from this spot right here. He wanted to hold Remus in his arms every moment for the rest of his life.

Remus had this indescribable effect on him. At times, he found himself wanting to get completely lost in the other man. He found himself wanting to become a foolish lover who did things like read poetry aloud and cuddle on the sofa. He felt like a fool for even thinking it, but he would not mind spending every single day for the rest of his life with Remus. He loved him and he wanted him to know it. He had not said it since the day they had made up out of fear, but he could not go the rest of his life not taking chances because his fears dominated him.

"I love you so much. I don't ever want to be without you." He whispered in his ear.

He felt Remus lift his head up to study him, but he kept his eyes closed tight. Waiting.

"I love you too. You don't ever have to be without me if you don't want to."

He didn't say anything more, there wasn't any need to. Remus settled back onto his chest and he simply held onto him tighter, wishing lunch time would last forever.


	21. Chapter 21

The holidays were approaching and there was an excitement about the castle as Thanksgiving Break would begin in about three days time. For the first time since the war had started, the children were allowed to go home to spend the holiday with their families if they chose to do so. He, of course, would be staying at the castle. Harry and Draco were staying as well as neither of them had a home or a family to go to. He had no idea what Remus was doing, but he assumed that he would stay as well.

In truth, he was less than excited. Dreadful was the best word to describe his feelings about the third Thursday of the month. He hated the holidays. He had absolutely nothing at all to be thankful for and he rarely received gifts at Christmastime either. The night before each event were normally spent alone in his quarters with a bottle of Odgens strongest Firewhiskey. At least, that had been the routine for the past seventeen years or so.

The rest of the staff had grown used to this and had even learned not to bother him on these occasions. Albus had always been there to scrape him off of the floor on Thanksgiving morning and then again on Christmas and even on Valentine's Day once every few years.

The old man would always scold him for a good ten minutes before summoning a potion to sober him up and cure the hangover that would come afterwards. He would then tuck him in bed and watch over him for a few hours before practically forcing him to come to dinner.

It annoyed him to no end in the moment, but a few days after the fact he would realize how grateful he was to have a father figure in his life. How grateful he was to have someone, anyone, who cared if he lived to see the next day or not. But there would be nobody to pick him up off the floor this year, just as there had been nobody last year.

He grimaced as he recalled last Christmas Eve. He had gotten drunker than any other year. Part of it was because he assumed it would be his last and part of it was because he had begun to think about Albus and gotten upset, consuming compious amounts of alcohol in order to numb his pain.

Lucius had arrived around eight o'clock on Christmas morning to deliver his gift to him. He didn't know all of the details, as he was so drunk that he couldn't remember a single thing, but he had apparently been sitting on the stone cold floor, sobbing hysterically and slicing his right forearm with a large silver blade.

Severus was extremely grateful that Lucius had been the one to find him and care for him. Any other Death Eater would have taken advantage of him in his weakened moment and would have been able to pry information out of him, as he was in absolutely no state to block anybody out of his mind.

He knew that his friend would never do something like that to him, though. People thought they knew who the man was, but they really had no idea. Sure, he was extremely wealthy and stuck up and thought he was better than everybody else and felt as if his Pureblood status made him royalty. He was arrogant and rude and intimidating and had a mean temper, but he was just as evil as a furry little bunny rabbit.

He had even admitted to Severus one night that he had only returned to the Dark Lords side out of fear, not out of loyalty. He had realized in the Dark Lords absence that what they had been doing was not acceptable and that the man whom he had followed, even worshipped at one point, was a mad-man who would stop at nothing to have complete and total power over the entire world, Magical and Muggle.

Narcissa felt the same way. She had only ever become a Death Eater because Lucius had pressured her into it and she was young and stupid and would have given up everything for love at that moment in time. She had known that this life was not right for her from the moment it began and Severus knew that she would do it all over differently if she could.

While nobody else ever expected that two of the Dark Lords most loyal followers would rather be anywhere else, Severus always noticed it. He was different like that, always noticing the little things about people that nobody else ever seemed to pick up on.

He would notice it when the two would grip hands underneath the table to bring the other comfort during the long Death Eater meetings at Malfoy Manor. He would notice it when Narcissa would sit up straight and grip Draco's shoulder tightly when the Dark Lord would address her son.

He would notice the thinning of both of their lips and their paling faces as they were forced to torture or kill innocent beings. He had noticed just how fake their smiles were the night that Draco was branded with the Dark Mark.

At the party that followed the new inductions, he had stumbled upon the two in the garden together while going on a walk to escape the festivities. He had made eye contact with Lucius as he held his crying wife in his arms, seeing just how much this was tearing their life apart.

They truly were good people underneath the surface and he vowed to at least try to get them out of Azkaban as soon as possible, but he could make no guarantees. It would be nearly impossible to prove their good naturedness.

It was a particularly chilly Saturday morning and all Severus wanted to do was lay in his bed and sleep the day away. His wish could not be granted, though. He had been forced into helping Remus chaperone todays Hogsmeade trip.

He had blatantly refused multiple times, but his arse of a boyfriend had ignored his protests and informed Minerva that they would be perfectly happy to chaperone the little brats while they stuffed their faces with candy and snuck off to cause all sorts trouble in the village.

Said werewolf was currently attempting to shake him awake and he was pretending to be in a deep sleep, even throwing in a couple of snores every now and then. He was hoping Remus would say to hell with it and crawl into bed with him.

"Come here." He mumbled sleepily, blindly reaching forward and pulling Remus down onto the bed. He felt for his back and wrapped his arm around his waist tightly enough that he couldn't get back up and resume in torturing him.

Remus eventually stopped fighting him and just lay there. He knew his plan had worked as he wound their legs together and reached up to clasp their hands together. "Maybe we can sleep for just an hour." He mumbled after a moment of silence. Severus smirked into his back, knowing that he had just won this one.

"What are you smirking at?"

"Now I know how to win every single time I want something."

"Who said you won?" To prove his point, he unclasped their hands and attempted to pull his legs away.

Severus tightened his grip to prevent his legs from moving and buried his face in his back, still holding him tightly around the middle. He closed his eyes and inhaled the familiar scent of Remus's cologne.

They lay in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the feel of the others body. It had been a while since they had laid together in this way. Normally, the two just sat side by side on the couch. An arm wrapped around a waist or a foot on top of a foot was the extent of their cuddling.

He found that he could not go back to sleep now that he was fully awake. Remus, on the other hand, was fully asleep and happened to be snoring rather loudly at the moment. It was beginning to annoy him to no end, but he didn't want to stop lying beside his lover. Ever. They really had to do this more often because it was putting him in an unusually good mood.

The hour they had allowed themselves passed all too quickly and he reluctantly pulled away and began getting ready for the day. He popped a few pills and washed it down with a huge gulp of Firewhiskey to keep him at bay until he could shoot up later tonight. Once he had finished, he sat down on the edge of the bed and shook Remus awake.

"Get your lazy ass up, breakfast started twenty minutes ago."

Remus cracked his eyelids open and blinked tiredly. "Get your lazy ass back in bed, I don't care." He mumbled. Severus chuckled out loud as he realized how badly he was starting to rub off on Remus. He had taken on this new "I don't care, go to hell" attitude that resembled his own and he had heard him swear more in the past few weeks than in the entire time he had known him. It was rather amusing.

He sighed loudly and stood up. Remus smirked and closed his eyes again, obviously thinking that he had won this one. He let out a squeak of surprise as Severus grabbed his arm and literally dragged him out of the bed.

They finally looked presentable and were heading down to the Great Hall ten minutes later. He was so caught up in rambling to Remus about the new Potions book that he wished to purchase later today that he didn't even notice the way he was being gaped at, the way a few students stood up to get a good look at him, or the flash of a camera that came from the Gryffindor table.

It was not until he sat down that he became completely aware of the way people were looking at him half opened mouthed. For the first time in his entire seventeen years of teaching, he had worn something other than his billowing black robes in front of the students.

It wasn't anything spectacular, at all. Just jeans, a plain black sweater, a black overcoat, and an emerald scarf, but it was enough to have half of the room staring at him. In fact, his Slytherins, Harry, and Draco were the only ones not staring at him as they had all seen him dress like this and simply paid it no attention at all.

"What in Merlin's name are they all staring at?" Remus suddenly whispered from his left.

"Me."

"But… why?" Remus frowned.

Severus gestured his hand up and down his body. His eyes traveled up and down his body and he could have sworn he saw a certain hunger in his eyes, but he pushed this ridiculous thought into the back of his mind. There was nothing on his body that could produce those sorts of feelings from anybody. He had obviously imagined it.

"Who cares what they think? I think you look sexier when you're not hiding underneath all of those robes."

He felt the heat rising in his cheeks as he lowered his head downward and took a bite of his porridge. He never knew how to accept compliments, especially ones like that.

They finished eating and headed into the village with the rest of the students. It was extremely cold out and he shivered a little despite all of his layers. They walked side by side down the main road, keeping an eye on the students while window shopping at the same time.

After about twenty minutes, he was already cursing Remus in his head and to his face. He had already had to stop at least five students and give them a good scolding and it was only ten in the morning.

"They are going to have to pry my hands off of your dead body by the time this is over."

Remus simply rolled his eyes and laughed as they came to a stop in front of the Shrieking Shack. He was glad they were finally in a deserted area, but he was still freezing his arse off.

He sighed deeply and slipped his hands in his pockets, casting a glance over at Remus. For the first time, he noticed that he was only wearing a sweater and an extremely light jacket. His nose and cheeks were bright red from the cold. That idiot.

He moved slightly to the right until he was standing behind him. Severus reached up and removed his scarf from around his neck. He slipped it on him from behind, ignoring the way Remus jumped at the unexpected touch.

"You're going to catch pneumonia and die you imbecile." He muttered as he spun him around to tie the scarf and make sure it was covering his face and neck completely.

Once he was finished adjusting the scarf, he wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close. Remus wound his arms around his neck.

"Not when your here to mollycoddle me, love." He leaned down to kiss him, but Severus pulled away and released him, ignoring the unfamiliar feeling in the pit of his stomach at Remus's words.

"I was not mollycoddling you. I was simply making sure you did not freeze to death."

"Whatever you say, Severus, whatever you say."

Severus playfully slapped his arm and the two began walking again, this time to the Three Broomsticks. It was, of course, completely packed with students and villagers. He kept his arm wrapped around Remus's waist as they walked in, not even thinking about it.

Things like this were starting to feel like the most natural thing in the world for him and he barely stopped to think twice about it. On the rare occasions that he did think twice about it, it scared him to no end.

They located a table in a corner and made a beeline for it before anybody else took it. Not that he would have any problem scaring the person who took it into giving it up, but he just didn't feel like tormenting innocent beings today.

Rosmerta came to take their orders and he, of course, ordered a Firewhiskey. Remus ordered a glass of white wine and the two leaned back in their seats, allowing the warmness of the shop to wash over them.

He took a sip of his drink before asking the question that had been on his mind for the past few days or so.

"So, what are your plans for Thanksgiving?"

He said as casually as possible, while he was secretly dying to know inside. He would never admit it, but he hoped that Remus would choose to stay at Hogwarts for the holiday.

This would be his first holiday actually having a significant other and he really wished for them to spend the day together, even if all they did was go eat dinner in the Great Hall with the rest of the staff and the remaining students.

"That's what I actually wanted to speak with you about. My mother is having a dinner at her house on Thanksgiving night. My entire family is going to be there and I'd really love to go, as I have not seen them in nearly a years time."

He tried to look as normal as possible, but he knew that his face had suddenly fell at the thought of Remus spending the holiday away from him. He should not have been stupid enough to believe that they were serious enough to spend the holidays together.

"Oh. I see." He finally said.

"She's really excited to meet you."

"Well, that's nice-wait! what?" His eyes widened to twice their normal size and he spat Firewhiskey all down his front as Remus's words sank in.

Remus smirked at him for a long moment, nodding his head up and down. "She is expecting us for lunch at noon on Thursday. We can stay there for a wile and then go eat dinner in the Great Hall. The boys are invited as well, if they wish to come. I did not want to speak to them about it before I informed you."

Severus nodded up and down weakley, too badly freaking out to do anything else, even protest. He was going to meet Remus's mother, his entire family. He had never met anybodys family before.

Okay, that was a lie, he had met Lily's parents tons of times, but this was when they were younger and the two were merely friends. He would be meeting Remus's mother as his...significant other. The thought nearly scared him to death.

The other mans smile faded and he leaned forward in his chair, suddenly dead serious. He suddenly got the feeling that he had done something extremely wrong, but what that was, he did not know.

"Do you even want to come? Because from the look on your face you'd rather do anything than spend Thanksgiving with me."

He really wanted to slap Remus in the side of the head as he realized what had brought on his sudden change of attitude. Of course he wanted to come! Was he that dense that he thought that he would have it any other way if he could help it? Apparently.

"Of course I want to come with you, you imbecile! It's just...I am...nervous." He admitted rather reluctantly. "I have never met anybodys parents before, or their family. And I mean, what if they all hate me!"

He said the last part in a more high pitched voice than intended and immediately winced at how childish and whiney he had just sounded.

Remus leaned back in his chair, smirking and practically twiddling his god damn thumbs.

"It's gonna be great. You'll see."


	22. Chapter 22

Severus awoke with a loud grain on Thanksgiving morning. In just a few short hours he would be meeting his lovers family for the first time. To say that he was less than thrilled would be a complete understatement. It wasn't that he didn't want to meet Remus's family. He was simply nervous that they would not like him. There was no telling what they had heard. News traveled fast in the Wizarding world, and he was not inclined to even pretend for a moment that his reputation was creditable. He glanced at the man sleeping peacefully beside him. He had stayed over the night before so they could floo directly to Rosemertas in the morning, and then apparate to their destination. Severus placed a soft kiss to his temple as he carefully rose from the bed.

After a shower and quick breakfast, he locked himself in his office. As he prepared his needle, he wondered if it was wise to be shooting before meeting the family. A few seconds later, the drug had been administered and he felt much calmer. By the time he returned to his quarters, Remus was awake and sipping a cup of coffee. 'Probably his third.' He thought to himself with a smile. Harry came stumbling out a few moments later, bleary eyed and mumbling to himself as he located the bathroom. Severus couldn't help but to smile and shake his head. Teenagers.

"Where were you?" Remus asked.

"Catching up on some grading." He lied, hating himself.

"You work too much. Give yourself a break every once in a wile, Severus." He lay a firm hand on his chest.

"Are you almost ready to go?" He nodded in response, even though he was nowhere near ready.

They pulled their shoes and jackets on before stepping through the floo. Remus called his apologies to Rosemerta for getting ash on her rug as they made their way through the pub. They gripped hands and Remus turned on his heel, sending the both of them hurtling through the air, their lungs being squeezed through a tube. They landed on their feet in an un-occupied countryside.

Fields upon fields of emptiness were in every direction that he looked. A forest with trees that had been standing for hundreds of years stood far off in the distance. Leaves in every color littered their path as they walked toward a single white house on the hill. Silence was all that could be heard from miles around as the wind lightly tousled the ends of their hair. He was so engrossed in the scene surrounding them that he didn't notice Remus come to an abrupt halt in front of him. He promptly proceeded to run straight into the werewolf.

"Imbecile." He muttered. Remus either didn't hear him, or he was ignoring his comment.

"Are you ready?"

"No." He did not even bother lying.

Remus looked a little taken aback at his brutal honesty. He moved forward until their torsos were touching. "I love you, therefore, so shall they." Before he had a change to respond, he was pulled into a long kiss that sent tingles running up and down his spine.

"Whooo! Get it cousin!" A man who looked to be in his late twenties was now laughing at their bewildered expressions.

"That's my cousin, Henry." Remus laughed.

"Charming."

Severus allowed himself to be led through the front gate and into the house, his vision becoming blurrier with every step he took. He hoped to Merlin that his pupils weren't noticeably dilated. As soon as they entered, a middle aged woman flung herself at Remus. She was wearing shabby blue robes and her hair was just beginning to turn gray. He assumed her to be Remus's mother. As she fawned over her son, "Oh! You look so thin! What in earth are they feeding you at that school?" Severus shook hands with many cousins and siblings whose names he knew he wouldn't remember.

When he finally got a moment to himself, he glanced around the house. The staircase appeared to have a few loose boards, and the furniture was rather shabby, but it looked like a home. In fact, it very strongly reminded him of The Burrow. His view was blocked as Remus's mother finished fussing over her only son and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Oh, you must be Severus! Remus has told us all so much about you! We are all thrilled to finally meet you dear!" He awkwardly patted her on the back.

'It's nice to meet you too." He said, looking over her shoulder at Remus with pleading eyes.

The wolf merely shrugged and grinned, obviously enjoying this moment a little too much. She finally released him and sidled off into the kitchen. The two of them found a seat in the crowded sitting room. He was grateful as Remus engaged in conversation with his sister and her husband.

A strange, sickening feeling was spreading throughout his body and he didn't understand why. He knew it had to do with the drugs. It made no sense, though. He had gone through the same motions over and over, possibly a hundred times, and never experienced a feeling anywhere close to this. Bile threatened to come up any moment and he was having trouble keeping his body from shaking.

He was grateful when Mrs. Lupin announced that lunch was ready. Getting food inside of his body might help. They all sat down at the enlarged dining room table that was groaning underneath dishes of mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberries, apple and pumpkin pie, ham, green beans, shepherds pie, and a large turkey. It looked delicious, and he helped himself to some of nearly everything. He glanced around for Remus as he realized the man was no longer seated next to him. Fondness grew in his heart as he spotted him dishing out food at the kids table. He soon took his place next to him and Severus flashed him with a rare, genuine smile.

"What was that for?"

"Oh, nothing."

They began to eat and he found that while the food did make him feel somewhat better, waves of dizziness were now taking over his body. He reached out underneath the table and tightly gripped his lovers knee. Remus glanced questioningly at him before placing his hand on top of his own. For the rest of the meal, Severus tried his best not to let on that something was wrong. He maintained polite conversaton and rather enthusiastically answered Remus's cousins question about the effects of a certain potion.

By the time they had finished eating, Severus had to excuse himself to get to the restroom. He locked the door behind him, panting. Sweat was collecting at the top of his forehead, but he was freezing cold. He splashed cool water on himself and downed a phial of pepper-up potion. A knock sounded on the door.

"Severus, it's me. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," He called "Be out in a moment." He quickly applied a glamor to himself and pretended to be washing his hands. When he opened the door, he was surprised to find him still standing there, worry evident on his face.

"Severus," He said, looking him directly in the eyes "What's going on?"

His head began pounding so hard it became difficult to think straight. "I don't feel very well." He admitted.

Remus lifted a hand to his forehead. "Merlin! You're burning up! Come on." He pulled at his sleeve "Lets get you home."

"What about your family?" He panted, beginning to feel short of breath. He knew he needed to get home and lie down as soon as possible, but he would feel very rude just leaving like that.

"They will understand." He slipped his arm through his and Severus allowed himself to be helped down the hallway, having given up any instinct to argue at this point. "Guys, I am sorry but Severus doesn't feel well. I need to get him to the Hospital Wing."

"I don't need the Hospital Wing!" He mumbled sharply under his breath, beginning to panic. What if they rolled his sleeves up and exposed his secret to the world?

A chorus of "It's alright" And "Feel better Severus!" rang out as they made their way out of the front door. Remus stopped him at the end of the porch.

"We'll apparate from here." Remus wrapped both of his arms around him as they apparated. His head was full of blackness and stars as the spun through the air and landed at the Hogwarts apparation point. The pain was so excruciating that he could no longer suppress a scream as he fell into emptiness.


End file.
